That it all feels bleak

[misjudgement]

I lost my job a few months ago - I wasn't sacked but was placed in an impossible position. I can't get another; I have tried.

Since then I have been working in a minimum wage capacity. It's 0 hours and so one week I can have a lot of hours then not many the week after. Even so I am really struggling to pay the mortgage and I think I might have to sell the house soon.

After the mortgage I have hardly anything, like as soon as I am paid I am left with nothing, not even £5.

When I do get work it mostly tends to be evenings and weekends so during the week I am sat at home a lot. I can't afford to go anywhere. Even if I could I have no one to go with. I did try probably foolishly to have a day out in the Lake District (I don't live all that far away) but seeing all the happy families just made me feel bad and upset me.

I just am so very alone. I know it will get better, not trying to say oh woe is me but right now it's pretty shit tbh!

There is something in yourself that is stopping you from living the life you want.

Time to be honest with yourself and work out why you feel undeserving of working in the job you have trained for.

I will do supply come September. It's the isolating and sporadic nature of it, combined with financial worries that are very pressing.

To be honest, there isn't really much call for lodgers around here and as such I would feel a little vulnerable about having someone live with me. My house has 2 bedrooms but they aren't very big. Plus I really think I am going to have to put it on the market soon. I have been putting it off and putting it off but I just can't afford the mortgage any more.