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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

that a friend who professes to have life 'sussed' annoys the shit out of me?

114 replies

Nemo1986 · 15/08/2017 11:00

Her facebook looks like this:

'The meaning of life is to find your gift, the purpose of life is to give it away'

'You are so much more valuable and wonderful than you could ever imagine! Love yourself x'

'I have thrown away my television because I don't need it in my life anymore'

And close-up photographs of dandelions, etc.

We are old friends of 10+ years but this started about 6 months ago when she moved out of the city to the countryside, quit her job and started retraining as a holistic therapist. Last time we met up was constantly talking about how the mind 'really' works and what the body 'really' needs and what people 'really' want in their lives and what is 'really' going on in the world and while I am very happy that SHE has done some soul-searching and found what works for her, the smugness is driving me up. the. bloody. wall!!!

I know I just sound like a case of sour grapes, but truly it's not! I am very happy with my own circumstances and life choices but she is STILL driving me NUTS!! How can I stop myself from getting riled?!

and

...

AIBU?!

OP posts:

pictish · 15/08/2017 12:18

Well said Morris. Fucking fatheads.

AztecHero · 15/08/2017 12:18

FB provides such an insight into people you previously thought were halfway normal.

I have 2 fb friends I keep on mainly for amusement value. Great fun in real life, but one has been backpacking for a couple of years and posts shit about how people need to engage more fiercely with life and jack in their jobs and travel because the 9-5 is soul destroying. Fine....but she seems to forget she inherited nearly quarter of a million from her grandparents and not all of us has that in our back pocket.

Another one is an ex colleague.... she sold her house in London and moved to the middle of nowhere and says things like how wonderful it is to get out of the rat race finishing off her posts with #mortgagefree

Again she is not boasty in real life, but seems to demonstrate a complete lack of awareness that not everyone is in the same sort of position.

very odd.

SteppingOnToes · 15/08/2017 12:18

You're upset that she is happy? That's mean spirited...

Mesgegra · 15/08/2017 12:19

Well, people need to earn a living. If you read Tom Hodgkinson's book "how to be free'' he suggests that you stop outsourcing your boredom. (When he wrote it he referred to TV, but now I see it as netflix etc) and finally become good, really good, at the thing you tell yourself you would do if you had time. He tells us that we do have time. Work by all means he advises but do not toil excessively at the expense of your own valuable time. So I am aiming to ''toil'' part time and I have returned to a few old hobbies and work on becoming really good at one of them as it may be a source of income in the future. I am not posting this on facebook though

Mesgegra · 15/08/2017 12:19

Updating one's fb feed is excessive toil as well

Miserylovescompany2 · 15/08/2017 12:19

Maybe the next thing on her list to go will be the Internet...

I'm sure she'll of mastered telepathy by then

kemptownlady · 15/08/2017 12:20

I think I'd be curious - I'd want to hang in there to find out how long it will take your friend to realise that "Life isn't all dandelions and no telly." because let's face it, life's not all dandelions and no telly. No matter how many times you tell yourself and others that it is.

Then hopefully the friend you know and love will return and you can feel better about the friendship again.

AztecHero · 15/08/2017 12:21

mes I love that. 'stop outsourcing your boredom'.

See that is one meme I'd be happy to read!

MorrisZapp · 15/08/2017 12:21

HASHTAG MORTGAGE FREE??

Let me at this insufferable bellend.

rightwhine · 15/08/2017 12:22

It's good that people find their thing but it becomes something else entirely when they try to change others too or ram it down your throat.

Be blunt op.

AztecHero · 15/08/2017 12:23

I know. Trust me, I know.

Windbeneathmybingowings · 15/08/2017 12:23

Oh god, my (no longer) best friend has gone like this. Since last year it's been all about not letting anyone dull your sparkle and jumping in puddles when it rains. There is a new snapchat profile pic every day. She's actually having what I think is a crisis but al her woo friends like and comment "so true Hun" and that encourages her. She's in the midst of at least one affair and her kids are in councelling because she and her DH are so unhappy. I've had to quietly stop talking to her, she's infuriatingly self absorbed at the moment.

Hide the posts!

Mesgegra · 15/08/2017 12:25

Aztec, I think it's a predictable stage of life, reconnecting with inner voice, listening to it for the first time....... but whilst I'm trying to hear my soul's whisper at the moment I also recognise that my journey is so predictable and so common that I would be mortified to share it. I also think that at 47 I'm experience this reconnection with my inner voice much later than is normal. I credit others around me with having heard their voice a decade before me. I feel late to the table. So I listen to podcasts about women and paint and cook and try to tune out the material gauge of success but I don't post on fb cos I feel like my very intelligent and fulfilled and conventionally successful fb friends would think 'yeh we went through this crisis five years ago, you're developmentally delayed"

Sequence · 15/08/2017 12:25

Talk to her, she probably has no idea it's annoying you. Tell her you're pleased for her but at it happens you don't subscribe to those philosophies.

If she's a good friend she should be happy to listen to your opinions too. "I'm keeping my TV because I enjoy watching it with a glass of wine every Sunday night. Whatever makes you happy. Live and let live."

You should also be able to be honest with a good friend and let her know that you're glad she's happy but aren't keen on how evangelical it's becoming and would prefer not to spend a lot of time discussing it.

That being said, on her own FB she can put what she likes, so best to hide it if you don't like it.

McBounty · 15/08/2017 12:27

I am struggling to see how this is annoying.

It wouldn't bother me at all.

I tend to think that if things like this get your back up, it's usually a reflection on you and not them.

You may think you're content, but are you really?

YABU - you could have unfollowed or unfriended her ages ago.

EssentialHummus · 15/08/2017 12:28

someone who has now turned into some sort of womb guru

Am actually grinning at this!

MorrisZapp · 15/08/2017 12:31

`You may think you are content. But are you really?'

Well I would be if I didn't have to read monumentally infuriating sentiments like that one.

Mesgegra · 15/08/2017 12:33

ok I won't fb share this great website I found the other day!

www.womboflight.com

It's all about healing the mother wound. I found it really helpful but although I don't want to care too much what people think, I don't want to be an object of derision either!

Mesgegra · 15/08/2017 12:34

here's one to horrify the dandelion haterz

ibbleobbleblackbubble · 15/08/2017 12:34

she seems to forget she inherited nearly quarter of a million from her grandparents
I wonder how fierce her soul is going to feel When she's burnt through all that and she's down to sofa surfing...

MoiraRosesMeltdown · 15/08/2017 12:36

Life isn't all dandelions and no telly Hahahaha amen to that

MiddlingMum · 15/08/2017 12:39

I used to have a really nice normal friend. Until she started talking about angels and auroras and all sorts of nonsense. Suddenly I was too busy to meet up and hear all about it

Original poster

Nemo1986 · 15/08/2017 12:40

Seems lots of you have similar friends!

Nutrogena and Mesgegra I know what you are saying, and I've been asking myself that question-- why I can't just be happy for her?! It's why I posted here!

In a way it's my own inability to smile and shrug that annoys me the most! I can do that with so many other facebook friends (some who ARE into MLM) but not this one.

I think it's because she's an actual real friend who I care about, and (rightly or wrongly) alongside her "I'm so enlightened and lucky" I'm reading a subtext of "you're deluded and I feel sorry for you ".
She used to be a teacher (I am a teacher still), she used to live in the same city as me (before she moved away). Her rejection of that 'old' life we shared now feels like a judgement of me, so even though I know I am happy, and I am happy she's happy, I still resent it somehow.

Hm. That got deep.

OP posts:

Original poster

Nemo1986 · 15/08/2017 12:43

Kemptownlady I really hope so. I miss our old friendship.

OP posts:

toomuchtooold · 15/08/2017 12:48

Spiritual bypassing. I have a friend who does this, and it starts to come off as quite negative and aggressive after a while. Like I just saw a comment from him on FB where a mate was about to go and play a competitive sport and he was like "wish me luck". Spiritual bypassing friend was like "have fun!" Of course he believes that competitive sport is morally wrong but he believes in being positive positive positive so he just passive-aggressively reminds him that fun, and not winning, is what he should be about. And it's like every single interaction with him is like this. I've been cheerily corrected in almost every conversation I've had with him in the past few years.

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