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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hate being called 'girl'

81 replies

user1457213512 · 15/08/2017 08:05

I just really don't like it because I'm not a girl, I'm a woman. I don't find it offensive as such when people refer to grown women as girls, but I do find it frustrating. But I also feel the same when men are referred to as 'boys', particularly when it's used in a belittling cutesy way.

Yes there are of course bigger fish to fry and it doesn't affect my life too much, but am I bu to not want to be called girl? Would I sound like a complete idiot if I correct people? :(

OP posts:
NotPennysBoat815 · 15/08/2017 08:09

I'm nearly 30 and my neighbour always calls me girl. He doesn't call my husband boy thought Hmm

BeakersofNaiceHam · 15/08/2017 08:15

It sounds a bit odd to say woman in the same way you might say girl though. A night out with the women sounds wrong. I would let it go unless the person is being deliberately patronising.
In terms of sexism men do get called boys or lads quite often so it may not be as simple as just being sexist, although I can see could be used that way.

MollyHuaCha · 15/08/2017 08:25

Any female over school age is a woman. 'Girl' is just wrong.

LemonRedwood · 15/08/2017 08:28

I was particularly proud of DH the other day when, as we were watching the women's rugby world cup, we heard the ref call the players "girls". DH said, "That's a bit off isn't it? Calling them girls?" He's beginning to get it.

Grates on me too.

robinia · 15/08/2017 08:30

Agree with beakers. What would you call a girls night out? I use girls, I also use lads or boys.

MrsJamin · 15/08/2017 08:38

It's belittling for men and women to be called boys and girls.

NellieUnkles · 15/08/2017 08:38

I correct people, and I don't give a shiny shite if they think I'm a lunatic. My father and grandfather invariably referred to a neighbour who must have been in her 80s as 'the girl O'Halloran', presumably because she wasn't married, which I found outrageous even when I was twelve. Her brother, also elderly and a bachelor, was not 'the boy O'Halloran'.

Tbh, I think it's much weirder when other women say it, though, about women of their own age -- a 46 year old friend of mine will talk about 'a girl at work' and I'll assume she means a teenager on work experience until we run into a fortysomething in the pub, and my friend will say 'that's the girl I told you about'.

NellieUnkles · 15/08/2017 08:41

'Girls' night out', while it's not an expression I'd ever use, doesn't bother me particularly, as it's got an exact male equivalent in 'boys' or lads' night out'.

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 15/08/2017 08:43

DH uses "girl" and I hate it. I always pick him up on it, even though I know he thinks I'm being petty. It sounds so patronising.

HurryUpAndWait · 15/08/2017 08:44

My husband's currently chatting on Viber about a 'boys weekend away'.

He's due to retire next year and is a very responsible man / father.

Velvian · 15/08/2017 08:48

I hate 'ladies' more. Yanbu though. I'm from Norfolk & an elderly man is an "old boy" in conversation. I guess that is quite disrespectful too.

splendide · 15/08/2017 08:51

It's all context. Girls' night out is ok.

"The girl from legal" as I am occasionally described really irritates me. Nobody would call the men "boys from legal".

HurryUpAndWait · 15/08/2017 08:56

Wouldn't they splendide?

It seems to be a reasonably common term from professional older (40's-50's) to 'lads'.

Boys / girls seems to be a term requiring context as opposed to automatically being somthing-ist. TBH, the same as most as you could hardly accuse Snoop of racism when he says N----.

Life is about context and intention and a blanket 'girls' is sexist helps no one.

x2boys · 15/08/2017 09:01

My mum still meets up.with "the girls" and she's 75 .

splendide · 15/08/2017 09:09

They wouldn't Hurry no. They might say the "boys from the post room" though so there are layers of meaning.

IfyouseeRitaMoreno · 15/08/2017 09:11

It is all about context and no one is saying that all forms of "girl" are sexist.

But it remains the case that women over the age of 18 are more likely to be referred to as "girls" than men as "boys".

"Guy" is the colloquial equivalent for men but its definition doesn't have an age limit unlike "girl" which definitely refers to a minor female.

I've been called a girl at work which jarred because I'm in my 40s. One man told me he uses "lady" because "woman" sounded too derogatory which is interesting because "man" certainly doesn't.

The question is, why?

RhubardGin · 15/08/2017 09:21

Nah I don't mind it at all.

I use it too. I always say 'meeting the girls' 'girls night out' 'there's a new girl at work' etc etc

It's never bothered me Smile

But I also call men boys all the time, I never really think about it.

To be honest I feel it's now the "new thing" to be offended by.

Smile
splendide · 15/08/2017 09:24

Rhubard - would you honestly, honestly say "there's a new boy at work" if you got, say, a new CEO?

RhubardGin · 15/08/2017 09:26

splendide

I might say boy, or guy, or man, maybe even dude if I'm feeling down with the kids Grin

NotPennysBoat815 · 15/08/2017 09:26

I should say in my local dialect (my neighbour from PP isn't from here) old men especially are referred to as Old Boys.

RhubardGin · 15/08/2017 09:34

I'll also sometimes refer to girls/woman/ladies etc as Quine as I'm Scottish.

As in "you know that bonnie Quine from work"

Maybe that's a bit different though?

HurryUpAndWait · 15/08/2017 09:37

Yes, many layers of meaning. Me calling someone (with my blonde hair and caucasian appearance) N-- would be offensive in almost every situation.

I'd say the opposite for girl though. It can be demeaning but on the whole I'd say it was fine. The fact there are many equivalent 'men' terms like lads or boys or whatever else suggests I'm right, doesn't it?

Sequence · 15/08/2017 09:40

I can't see anything wrong with a "women's night out". The only reason it sounds a bit "different" is that not enough people are saying it yet Smile

AuntieStella · 15/08/2017 09:43

I don't like it.

I don't think it should be used as a default phrase, even though some groups think it's OK (well, within those groups perhaps, amongst the mutually-consenting only, but not in wider communities).

JuicyStrawberry · 15/08/2017 09:44

I don't like it either.
Usually used in a patronsing way to look down on a female younger than them self. So a 50 year old man/woman uses to refer to a 25 year old woman for instance.

"Night out with the girls" is fine and about the only time it is acceptable.

"That girl behind the till"- NOT fine.