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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To hate being called 'girl'

81 replies

user1457213512 · 15/08/2017 08:05

I just really don't like it because I'm not a girl, I'm a woman. I don't find it offensive as such when people refer to grown women as girls, but I do find it frustrating. But I also feel the same when men are referred to as 'boys', particularly when it's used in a belittling cutesy way.

Yes there are of course bigger fish to fry and it doesn't affect my life too much, but am I bu to not want to be called girl? Would I sound like a complete idiot if I correct people? :(

OP posts:

MissBax · 16/08/2017 07:46

Doesn't bother me at all.

ethelfleda · 16/08/2017 07:50

It doesn't bother me. I have seen a fee get wound up by it here though... but I actually like it when people call me sweetheart or darlin as well so I am probably BU!!

pigletpie29 · 16/08/2017 07:55

I noticed they were doing this a lot on the athletics - the women's 4x100 team were 'the girls' - really got to me!

NancyJoan · 16/08/2017 08:02

How old is the "man vet"?

I doubt he was ever called the boy vet, tbh.

Fekko · 16/08/2017 08:06

It doesn't bother me - but then I'm pushing 50, so it's ludicrous!

I really loathed ring called a kid when I was a child or being referred to as 'the girls' (with all my sisters).

8DaysAWeek · 16/08/2017 08:11

Report the male vet is 27, and no I've never heard a male vet being referred to as a boy.

I've worked 70 hour weeks after graduating 5 years ago, minus a period of maternity leave. If that doesn't count for experience I don't know what does. I'm perfectly capable to treat and diagnose your pet.

Male vets are far more respected from the offset than female vets, and that is widely known in the profession. Referring to me as a girl and not using the word boy only reinforces this to me.

8DaysAWeek · 16/08/2017 08:18

And actually my point wasn't about the fact I have experience as I didn't like being called the young girl when I graduated at 22 either, as the newly graduated male vets weren't called the young boys.

Sexism is still a huge problem in the professional world and as I said before the use of girl and not boy is an example of this.

Catsize · 16/08/2017 08:19

I wonder if it is because people who thing they are too cool to say 'ladies' or 'women' don't have a polite halfway house for women - the equivalent of 'blokes' or 'chaps'. I can't think of one at the mo anyway.

Buthewasstillhungry · 16/08/2017 08:19

I hate it too.
It's creepy.
Ladies night out sounds fine but even that's a bit silly.
Just night out is fine.

EBearhug · 16/08/2017 08:42

Sexism is still a huge problem in the professional world and as I said before the use of girl and not boy is an example of this.

This.

Having said that, I don't think any of my colleagues have ever called me girl. One started calling me "my dear". He stopped quite quickly after I pointed out he knew my name and was welcome to use it. I think my tone of voice made it clear I wasn't joking.

Badweekjustgotworse · 16/08/2017 08:47

It's one of those insidious little things on our society that nods towards how women aren't valued as much. It is most definitely hierarchical. There is no way 'boy' is used for men at the same rate that 'girl' is used for women, especially in professional settings.

It's a diminutive term when used between familiars, so girls night out used amongst a set of adult female friends is fine imo, same as lads is fine amongst of group of men, but when an older woman in a professional uses it for a younger woman it most certainly is patrinising, and the same for any man using it in reference to a woman. Before anyone jumps on me I also thinks it's disrespectful if an older woman used it for an adult man in professional settings. It bristles me especially when there's already a hierarchy in place with the 'girl' at the bottom of the power balance

Badweekjustgotworse · 16/08/2017 08:52

^^ 8days isn't that just indicative of the difference in the way men and women are perceived, when you said you've were called the young girl vet and your colleague is the male vet the automatic assumption when you said male is for report to envision an older much more experienced man. That is the effect of calling women girls and men men right there, it instantly puts the option in the head of the receiver of the information that the man IS more 'worthy' or experienced or better in some way. Report has kind of proved the point...

8DaysAWeek · 16/08/2017 08:59

Spot on badweek. The automatic assumption from the pp was that he was experienced and competent because he was called the "man" vet. Proving the point that the use of "girl" is somehow evidence that I must be younger and less experienced than him.

I deliberately didn't include the age of the male vet because it actually doesn't matter. I'm still not a girl and he's still not a boy, whether or not either of us are 28 or 58. We are professional men and women.

reportPost · 16/08/2017 09:03

8DaysAWeek

Male vets are probably valued for their uniqueness. Up to 90% of many vet course intake is female.

In my profession, you must legally hold a post-grad qualification. I don't think anyone under the age of 30 would seriously call themselves experienced. If they did, people would laugh. A lot.

I don't know what I proved badweek. There was no assumption on my part, just a question.

Montsti · 16/08/2017 09:08

I couldn't care less...some words/expressions irritate me a bit but the current trend of constantly being offended by everything irritates me a hell of a lot more...

Badweekjustgotworse · 16/08/2017 09:09

Uniqueness hilarious report

8DaysAWeek · 16/08/2017 09:52

And as I don't have any knowledge of your profession I wouldn't comment on what makes a person experienced or not, badweek.

And if that's the case then I wish female plumbers/firefighters/taxi drivers/police officers were more respected for their uniqueness too

Badweekjustgotworse · 16/08/2017 10:12

Think you mean report there 8days ^^ I'm on your side and think report is being ridiculous but you can't argue with ham (especially when it can't see it's already made your point for you )

8DaysAWeek · 16/08/2017 10:24

Ah of course I mean report, sorry badweek

Sequence · 17/08/2017 09:13

What a load of feminazi rubbish.

Yet you didn't try to address any of the questions I asked.

Fekko · 17/08/2017 17:23

'Feminazi'??

Now that's an offensive word. How big and clever to come up with that snappy word.

BubbleBed · 17/08/2017 17:35

Doesn't bother me at all. I'm a girl. You get girls and boys in life. In fact the only place I have ever known people get offended about it is on MN tbh.

I'm a 35 year old mother of two. I am a girl in the most basic manner of boy v girl sexes/genders/whatever we are meant to call it now.

Jadetreesbringluck · 17/08/2017 17:41

You wouldnt do well in Cork. (Ireland) Everyone is 'Girl' pronounced 'Gurl'....but MEN are also called 'boy' pronounced 'Boi'.

blameitonthebipolar · 17/08/2017 17:51

You wouldn't like it here then ( outskirts of Liverpool ) where lots of people call you "girl" at the end of every question or sentence, " how are you girl? "
" what time is the train due girl? " etc etc, it makes me cringe.

This is nothing specific to age either, I'm late thirties, the people who do this would say it to a teenager or a pensioner

userofthiswebsite · 17/08/2017 17:57

Doesn't bother me - I say guys and girls

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