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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hate being called 'girl'

81 replies

user1457213512 · 15/08/2017 08:05

I just really don't like it because I'm not a girl, I'm a woman. I don't find it offensive as such when people refer to grown women as girls, but I do find it frustrating. But I also feel the same when men are referred to as 'boys', particularly when it's used in a belittling cutesy way.

Yes there are of course bigger fish to fry and it doesn't affect my life too much, but am I bu to not want to be called girl? Would I sound like a complete idiot if I correct people? :(

OP posts:
mastfest · 15/08/2017 09:52

Doesn't bother me at all, it's a synonym in my mind. I appreciate it can be construed as offensive as it implies immaturity, but generally don't think it's meant to be condescending most of the time. There are bigger things to get wound up about.

robinia · 15/08/2017 10:14

would you honestly, honestly say "there's a new boy at work" if you got, say, a new CEO?
No - but equally I wouldn't use girl if the CEO was a woman.
Girl/boy/lad are more friendly, all in it together type of terms.

BillBrysonsBeard · 15/08/2017 10:41

I've never really been called a girl as an adult but I'm sure it's annoying. The only time it bothers me is when a male friend in his late 40s posts on facebook saying "I need to meet a nice girl" which then gets lots if replies saying "hope you mean woman!"
It just sounds weird.

PinkHeart5911 · 15/08/2017 10:44

I still call myself girl and don't mind being called girl at all. I don't know why but I don't feel old enough to say women and it make me feel strange when dh says something like "beautiful women" rather than girl.

I know it's daft but I like being called girl!

Then I don't tend to use Man either I always say guy

stalkingfred · 15/08/2017 10:45

I had a female manager who used to lump us all together as 'the girls', regardless of hierarchy in terms of our jobs. She never once said 'the boys' for the men. Actually come to think of it she used to call us 'girlies' which is even worse! It was her way of separating us from her as mere minions because she used to say it to the clients ' come and see one of the girlies'.

dollydaydream114 · 15/08/2017 10:48

Depends on context for me. My mum always refers to me and my sister as her girls (we're 41 and 50) and she also refers to her friends as girls sometimes too, as in "It's always nice to meet up with so-and-so, she's such a lovely girl" ... even if the friend is in her 70s. This doesn't bother me. "Girls' night out" doesn't bother me either because the male equivalent is "boys' night out" or "lads' night out".

I can't stand it when it's used at work in the sense of "the girls in the HR team" or "the girl on the front desk" though. In that sort of context it's patronising and inappropriate.

WorkingBling · 15/08/2017 10:50

Yes. it's very irritating. Girls/ boys night out is fine I think simply because it's one of those phrases that has developed its own meaning and it's equal for both men and women.

But "boys" is not routinely used to describe a group of men and so it's offensive when girls is used. Girls in the office. That Girl who lives down the road etc.. All very offensive.

Similarly, "boys" does get used now and again... but usually in an equally patronising and/or racist way. e.g. the "boys in the post room" from up thread? I would find that equally offensive because it's very unlikely that the office refers to "the boys in legal." Similarly, I was watching football once and noticed the commentator kept referring to a black player as boy. The others were men or lads.

SpicyTomatos · 15/08/2017 10:52

Presumably no one is offended by the terms girlfriend and boyfriend?

CancellyMcChequeface · 15/08/2017 11:07

YANBU and I really dislike this too. If women want to call themselves girls, that's up to them, even if I find it odd, but when used about a stranger or in a professional context, it's just wrong.

Yes to whoever said there's a hierarchical/patronising element to it, so we hear 'the girl on the till' (even if she's in her fifties!) but not, in my experience anyway, 'the girl lawyer' or similar. They tend to get upgraded to 'lady.' Hmm

Girlfriend/boyfriend is again up to the people using the terms, but they sound very teenage to me. I much prefer 'partner' and will generally use that.

PoppyTree · 15/08/2017 11:10

I don't mind it actually! (And i'm middle aged!) Then again, I don't mind being called babe, hun, sweetie, love etc either. I understand others don't like it though, and they're entitled to feel that way.

MorrisZapp · 15/08/2017 11:20

I'm a massive feminist but I generally love being a girl. I don't mind woman and I'm not too keen on lady (mother to small child: 'watch out for the lady!) as it makes me feel old.

I think the only place it really does have impact is at work. I have old school type employers and they refer to the secretaries as' the girls', although they include some of the oldest employees in the firm. I find that derogatory and patronising.

liverbird10 · 15/08/2017 11:28

It used to infuriate me when I was younger; not so much now I'm heading for 40!

This is a separate issue, but I do hate it when idiots refer to a man or boy as a 'girl' for behaving in a certain way, as if it is some sort of insult. That boils my piss.

Sequence · 15/08/2017 12:12

Girl/boy/lad are more friendly, all in it together type of terms.

Why is it often seen this way though? Why is a girl/boy "more friendly" than a woman/man, and why is "girl" used so much more often than "boy" for an adult? Why should a woman, particularly in a professional context, be judged more than a man on how "friendly" she is?

It's sending a subconscious message that women should be non-threatening, unopinionated and subordinate, so they can be patronised accordingly.

Neutrogena · 15/08/2017 12:16

'Boys' and 'girls' is bit wank when over 25 yrs.

Is it wrong to say Old man in the context of saying Thank-you Old man because old people still call me young man?

BertrandRussell · 15/08/2017 12:16

"Why are you getting all worked up about something so trivial when there are more important things in the world?"
"It's just being friendly"
"I love it-it makes me feel young"
"What else are you going to say? Women? Ladies?"
"Yes of course people use "boys" in exactly the same way"
"This is the sort of thing that puts people off feminism"
"I would definitely say "Talk to the boy on Reception" even if it was. 40 year old man-people do that all the time""

Have I missed any?

Comedyboobs · 15/08/2017 12:22

Yup. It's annoying. I had an ex who called me girl. He was 17 years younger than me & Romanian. Not sure if that's relevant though.

RebeccatheOld · 15/08/2017 12:46

I seem to get called 'young lady' a lot, which fucks me right off.
I'm mid 30s.

YANBU

user1497435493 · 15/08/2017 17:58

@Sequence

It's sending a subconscious message that women should be non-threatening, unopinionated and subordinate, so they can be patronised accordingly.

What a load of feminazi rubbish.

@Rebeccatheold
I seem to get called 'young lady' a lot, which fucks me right off.
I'm mid 30s.

Wait til people call you 'young lady' when you're in your 50's. It's obvious they think you're old-ish, and they're trying to be 'whimsical' by calling you 'young lady,' but they just come across as patronising, condescending, and sycophantic.

dubdurbs · 16/08/2017 07:19

I work with the public, and get called "good girl" by so many men. It boils my blood every time I hear it (which is daily!) There's no good reply for it that won't offend the customer, and people are very quick to complain, so it's something I've had to groom and bear.

dubdurbs · 16/08/2017 07:20

Or even grin and bear!!Smile

NancyJoan · 16/08/2017 07:25

My boss says 'good girl' to me. It's all I can do not to scream. For context, I'm 40, she's 48. She does it to the two other team members, who are 35 and 47. She's also a bit insecure, and I feel there's something in that.

functionAndMethod · 16/08/2017 07:30

what point are you trying to make Bertrand?

8DaysAWeek · 16/08/2017 07:32

I get called the girl vet every day. What's worse, I get called "the young girl vet". I'm 28. I'm not a girl, and I'm certainly not a young girl.

The male vet gets called "the man vet".

I find it extremely infuriating because to me it screams inexperienced and incompetent which I'm absolutely not.

MargaretTwatyer · 16/08/2017 07:40

On MN it tends to be used as a particularly nasty way to belittle new posters who don't know this rule. No harm pointing it out nicely, but it's not usually done nicely.

reportPost · 16/08/2017 07:43

But surely you are inexperienced 8DaysAWeek? A 5 year degree and you're 28.

How old is the "man vet"?