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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To change DPs Facebook password?

67 replies

Icklepickle101 · 14/08/2017 19:32

I found out yesterday DP has been messaging another woman, she knows I know and admitted it. I stayed at my mums last night and we've agreed to talk about what happens now tonight. I think we will probably end up splitting up and I'm terrified the impact it will have on poor DS (1) won't understand why daddy isn't at home as much. Anyway before this chat I want to know the full facts and I want to read he messages again (I skim read in 20 seconds yesterday)

Would I be unreasonable to change DPs password to read the messages before he gets home in about 15 minutes?

OP posts:
PutTheBunnyBackInTheBox · 14/08/2017 19:34

It's not the right thing to do but yes, I'd do it!

OsMalleytheCat · 14/08/2017 19:34

^^ ditto!!

Original poster
Icklepickle101 · 14/08/2017 19:35

Due to timescale I'm taking the straw poll of 1 as the go ahead

OP posts:
CantStandMeow · 14/08/2017 19:35

Surely they've been deleted now anyway?

abundantlyclear · 14/08/2017 19:35

Yup - go ahead

AnneLovesGilbert · 14/08/2017 19:36

You have a right to know and he's unlikely to tell you the truth.

It's incredibly dodgy but it's so tempting.

ImperialBlether · 14/08/2017 19:36

I'd do it and feign ignorance until I'd read them.

ollieplimsoles · 14/08/2017 19:36

Yanbu, lying piece of shit. He gave up any rights to privacy when he went behind your back.

Hope you are ok Flowers

Crunchymum · 14/08/2017 19:37

Does it really make a difference? I mean if the messages aren't "that bad" will it change how you feel?

Original poster
Icklepickle101 · 14/08/2017 19:37

Bollocks, he's changed his email password so will now see the email of forgot password request and I m none the wiser

OP posts:
Jedimum1 · 14/08/2017 19:37

Screen capture, don't change password

Pantryboy · 14/08/2017 19:37

oh yes it would be wrong not to! I am sorry your OH is a git Op , keep going keep strong

IAmALionTamer · 14/08/2017 19:38

I'd probably screen shot them now and save them so I could read through them when I had more time.
He'll receive notification that the password has been changed whereas if you screenshot them now he won't know and the next you can test him in your talk later. If he lies and minimises the content you'll know that he's completely beyond trusting again.

LouBlue1507 · 14/08/2017 19:38

Do it and print screen or snap screen as evidence, email them to yourself and to someone you trust too.

Notknownatthisaddress · 14/08/2017 19:38

Oh hell yes!

As has been said, you will never ever get the truth from him.

Men who have cheated always give edited versions of what happened.

Original poster
Icklepickle101 · 14/08/2017 19:38

I needed to change his password to log in because he has changed his Facebook password. This has backfired massively

OP posts:
Notknownatthisaddress · 14/08/2017 19:39

Agree with a PP that you need to PRINTSCREEN stuff, in case he deletes!

Notknownatthisaddress · 14/08/2017 19:40

Sorry OP. Just read your update. Can you still see the messages?

Original poster
Icklepickle101 · 14/08/2017 19:42

No Sad I'm just going to have to pray he leaves his phone unattended for 2 minutes to get the code and delete the email before he notices and we talk. It's very unlikely though, his phone has been glued to him recently and now I know why

OP posts:
Original poster
Icklepickle101 · 14/08/2017 19:44

Oh fuck he is home. I'm nervous, I think my 4 year relationship is about to end and I'm terrified

OP posts:
CoffeeAndCupcakes85 · 14/08/2017 19:45

I'm so sorry OP. What a horrible situation Flowers x

CheshireChat · 14/08/2017 19:46

It's not you who's at fault here, but him. Ultimately you know what he's done so don't let him turn it on you by blaming you for trying to read the messages.

Flowers
ChasedByBees · 14/08/2017 19:46

It doesn't matter if he knows you tried. He's the one that's cheated.

ollieplimsoles · 14/08/2017 19:49

What the fuck! Hes the one who cheated! He should be the one fuxking terrified!

KatharinaRosalie · 14/08/2017 19:50

I sometimes get those emails when someone (random) has tried to hack in, I would not suspect DH as the first reaction.