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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To change DPs Facebook password?

67 replies

Icklepickle101 · 14/08/2017 19:32

I found out yesterday DP has been messaging another woman, she knows I know and admitted it. I stayed at my mums last night and we've agreed to talk about what happens now tonight. I think we will probably end up splitting up and I'm terrified the impact it will have on poor DS (1) won't understand why daddy isn't at home as much. Anyway before this chat I want to know the full facts and I want to read he messages again (I skim read in 20 seconds yesterday)

Would I be unreasonable to change DPs password to read the messages before he gets home in about 15 minutes?

OP posts:

Mum2OneTeen · 16/08/2017 10:28

Nothing to say but please look after yourself & take it one day at a time.

Original poster

Icklepickle101 · 16/08/2017 10:31

My parents legally own our home so it gets very complicated. I'm seeing his mum later and going to try and get her to suggest he moves out this weekend. My dad is very angry (I'm 22 and still his baby). and is away until Monday so I'd rather things were sorted before he got home. I just keep listening owing at DS and feeling awful at the life I've made for him, I grew up with mum and dad together and that's what I always dreamt of for him

OP posts:

Original poster

Icklepickle101 · 16/08/2017 10:31

And knowing he has another woman's shoulder to cry on while I'm alone isn't really really tough

OP posts:

DixieFlatline · 16/08/2017 10:33

You think he's actually going to cry on her shoulder, though? He's moved on. Pick yourself up off the floor and hold your head up. You have Mumsnet, and you have your integrity. What a waste of space he is.

HighwayDragon1 · 16/08/2017 10:36

If your parents own your home then it should be fairly easy to boot him out? Sorry you're going through this op, you'll be better off without him in the end x

Butterymuffin · 16/08/2017 10:38

You're very young and have your life ahead of you. Things will get better, and your son will adapt very quickly as he's only 1. Tell your ex's mum he will need to move back in there but he will still be spending lots of time with your DS - get him to do his share so you can go out and rebuild your life.

kittybiscuits · 16/08/2017 10:40

He's in a relationship with someone else. It's not complicated at all from an accommodation point of view. Just ask him to leave and give him 24 hours to collect his stuff. Call the police ifhe won't go. You are so young and you deserve to be treated way better than this.

Mustang27 · 16/08/2017 10:42

Oh Icklepickle I'm so sorry this is utter shit for you. If he isn't willing to work on it it really isn't worth your time and energy. Once you feel a bit up to it take some time for yourself, pnd is hard and can take a very long time to get over the worst but if you have just been ignoring yourself your esteem will be rock bottom. Do something nice for yourself every day whatever it may be it won't be long before you feel a little more like yourself again.

Dw about your ds he will not really remember what it was like to have you guys together soon enough, so he will be fine.

You are 22 age has no massive bearing on anything but you are still really young so you do have loads of time to do what is good for you and your son and if you ever want find love with someone who really deserves you.

ofudginghell · 16/08/2017 10:47

Op how awful for you.
It will feel crap right now whilst sorting out the practicalities but it will get easier.
Your still young enough to make a great life for you and your dc.

Don't worry about your dad being angry. That's not your fault or your concern. Don't worry about other people etc etc just yourself xx

maras2 · 16/08/2017 11:12

So sorry,love.

Original poster

Icklepickle101 · 16/08/2017 11:15

I just can't imagine my life with anyone else or being able to find that level of happiness for a very very long time. And all of the life events I had planned in my head with us both there are going to be so different now. I'm worried about he'll be able to afford to live as rent round here is so expensive and we've shared a car etc and all of our savings went on fertility treatment so he has nothing

OP posts:

Wishiwaswonderwoman87 · 16/08/2017 11:21

Ickle, please try to stop worrying about him. Worry about you and your son. He will have his own family and friends to fall back on as well as OW unfortunately.

Pick yourself up dust yourself off and make your and your son's needs and wants the only priority. This will be tough but you will manage to get through...

I splitvwith Ds1 dad when he was only and I spent 5 years on my own thinking that's what my future would always be. However in the last 5 years I moved area met my now husband and have 2 more kids... you really don't know what's round the corner but have faith

Wishiwaswonderwoman87 · 16/08/2017 11:21

One not only... autocorrect hates me sorry

MagicMoneyTree · 16/08/2017 11:56

Why are you worrying about him? Worry about how you'll cope. If your parents own your home, doesn't that make it all less complicated? He moves out. End of. Get an appointment with the CAB as soon as you can. Find out what financial support your entitled to. Stop worrying about how HE will cope. He has shown through his own actions that he doesn't care about you. It's tough and you feel like you'll never cope without them, but you will, of course you will. Get the practical stuff sorted first, then you can work on the emotional stuff. Sounds like your family will be there to support you, which is great.

LagunaBubbles · 16/08/2017 12:05

Why are you worrying about him?

QueenArseClangers · 16/08/2017 12:21

Oh sweetheart, I split from my first husband in my early 20s. We had a toddler and I was heartbroken, I resigned myself to never being with someone again and a life of loneliness.

15 years on I'm happily married to my wonderful DH, we now have 5DC!
The pain WILL fade, you'll move on with your life and will be infinitely stronger for it.
There's good advice on the Relationships board, and many stories of women who've gone through exactly the same thing.

Tory92 · 16/08/2017 12:23

It sucks having heart broken, but it's just temporary. Get all the support you can and look after yourself and little one, all the other stuff is secondary and will be sorted in time. We can't turn off our emotions but with time your love for him will fade away and you will find new life. Don't be discouraged. It's way better to be single and find your happiness again than trapped in an unhealthy relationship.

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