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AIBU?

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Original poster

To want DP to grow up

101 replies

crazycatgal · 14/08/2017 19:25

DP is 27 and we've been together for 7 years, we don't live together because we can't afford to so both live with parents. I'm currently still studying so that I can become a teacher.

DP graduated at 22 and ever since has worked for the same large retail company planning kitchens. He is on a 16 hour contract and often does more but his wage is around a pound above minimum wage and he often complains that he is skint. I keep telling him to get another job but any efforts are half-arsed and he only applies for jobs that I find for him - he can't be bothered to sit down and job search himself.

There are other companies where he could do the job that he does now but he says that he doesn't want a job that's commission based as the commission isn't guaranteed. This annoys me because he is on around 11k a year and the basic salary for these jobs is around 18k which is much more than he is on.

DP has a car on finance which costs around £320 a month and uses up most of his wage when fuel is factored in too.

He can't cook, doesn't know how to use the washing machine and never does anything around his parents house and doesn't pay any rent either. He is an only child and his mum really enables his behaviour.

I know I have a year until I will be working full time but I'm worried that when I am working full time DP will still be the same and If we want to move in together I'll be the one paying for everything and doing everything around the house. I've tried to talk to him about how I feel and he just gets moody and doesn't change.

I wouldn't be bothered about his low wages if he was actively trying to find another job and acted like an adult by doing household chores. I just feel like he can't be bothered and I don't want to spend my future working hard in order to prop up another person.

OP posts:
ShitOrBust · 14/08/2017 20:14

Cocklodger.
he'll never change.
raise your standards in men.

Aquamarine1029 · 14/08/2017 20:14

he doesn't like to get out of bed and his mum has to get him up so that he isn't late for work

Oh FFS. Everyone replying is saying the same thing, to leave the useless man-child, because we KNOW what we're talking about. Many of us have learned this lesson the hard way. I sincerely hope you take our advice, for the sake of your future.

wotabastard · 14/08/2017 20:22

He doesn't like to get out of bed and his mum has to get him up so that he isn't late for work

LMAO

Come on op. You know what to do.

TipTopTipTopClop · 14/08/2017 20:24

Oh my god. Please leave him, today.

Leave him, leave him, leave him. Let him be someone else's problem.

Leave him.

TipTopTipTopClop · 14/08/2017 20:25

He is 27 and his mum wakes him up for work which starts at 1pm

This says it all.

How can you even have sex with this man?

Aquamarine1029 · 14/08/2017 20:25

You say that breaking up is hard, and it can be, but I honestly believe you will feel a HUGE sense of relief when it's over. Let's be honest, you wouldn't have made your post if you didn't already know this relationship is done.

wotabastard · 14/08/2017 20:26

Say what you really mean @tip top Grin

RaininSummer · 14/08/2017 20:46

Cut your losses OP. Maybe wait til you finish your course if its easier but then ditch him. At least it will make it easier for you to move for work if necessary.

ChocChipBitch · 14/08/2017 20:52

Not to be a massive cow but please just fucking run and never look back. I got into a relationship with an older man who was just like this, 3 years and £10k down the drain was all I got from our relationship. A year later things are so much better, you have your whole life ahead of you, a new career in Teaching, you can do so much. Don't throw your life away please just ditch him and move on to bigger better things Flowers

BanjoPier · 14/08/2017 21:17

And when you've started working and you're living together you'll be ringing him on your 20 minute lunch break to make sure he's out of bed. Run for the hills.

dudsville · 14/08/2017 21:24

Yeah, there's not even a divide on this one. Being in love and not wanting the life you'd have with that person is the old old story. Either way you're going to have to cope. I know what I'd rather cope with.

CockacidalManiac · 14/08/2017 21:48

If you want a lifetime of misery, drudgery and resentment then carry on with this relationship.
Your life, your choice.

MoreProseccoNow · 14/08/2017 21:49

This is the first ever unanimous AIBU I have ever seen, with everyone agreeing YANBU. It's usually the opposite in AIBU.

Listen to us wizened old hags of MN (or nest of vipers if you prefer Grin).

LTB.

Jaimx86 · 14/08/2017 22:03

his mum has to get him up so that he isn't late for work.
This is a joke isn't it? There's no way that you're with this man!

CowPatRoberts · 14/08/2017 22:06

OP there are so many wonderful, self sufficient men out there that it's astonishing you'd put up with this.

Honestly, LTLB and you'll thank yourself in 5 years time.

Aeviternity · 14/08/2017 22:21

God, there is notihng less sexy than a pathetic manbaby whose mumsy still wipes his arse. Utterly revolting. All they want from a wife is a new mummy to cook, clean and probably continue the arse wiping too.

I broke up with my first boyfriend for being babyish. He couldn't use a washing machine or cook either. We were 19. Maybe I was a little harsh but he moved out from under mumsy's apron and within weeks he smelled and was confused about how to feed himself. I offered a few suggestions (like 'sort yourself out you manky lazy fucker') and then dumped him. Because people literally do not change and there was no way I was going to end up with a husband who "didn't know" how to use a washing machine or cook a meal.

Giraffey1 · 14/08/2017 22:52

Seriously? He is 27 and his mum has to wake him up do he can go to work???

He has got to this age and seems to have shown no signs of growing up. Why on earth do you think he is suddenly going to change if you ever set up home together? This feels like a recipe for disaster and resentment!

Willow2017 · 14/08/2017 23:06

27 and he lies in bed till his mum has to shout him to get up for work at 1pm?

How the hell have you lasted 7 years with this manchild. He doesnt need to change, ever, he has you and his mum running after him, supporting him. He has it made!

You need to run for the hills and make a new life for yourself without having a baby to look after before you are even pregnant!

Triskaidekaphilia · 14/08/2017 23:38

Your DP sounds a bit like my now-DH in terms of work, and the way he used to be when living at home. I strongly suggest you don't move in together until he has lived alone/with friends.

When DH left home we had separate house shares around the corner each other for a year, if he'd moved in with me straight away I think I would've become a mum substitute and we wouldn't still be together, but having to take care of himself grew him up quickly. As it is, we're 27 now and he can still be a bit of a man child and can't seem to move from part to full time, he manages to contribute 50:50 both financially and around the house, so I try to leave the rest up to him.

You can't move in with him unless he makes a drastic change. You have to be honest with yourself whether that's going to happen, I know it must be really hard. Sad

mygorgeousmilo · 14/08/2017 23:42

No good can come of this. He's too far gone to change his ways. It's hard to let go but the quicker you make the break, the quicker you can move on. There is no future with a person that has absolutely zero self motivation, he's pathetic and lazy. As pp said, you must raise your standards. You're worth more than this slob of a man-child.

MrsTerryPratchett · 14/08/2017 23:43

He does nothing with his morning as he doesn't like to get out of bed and his mum has to get him up so that he isn't late for work.

HE IS 27 YEARS OLD!!!

The hills. They exist and are that way > RUN

5rivers7hills · 14/08/2017 23:43

If you want a lifetime of misery, drudgery and resentment then carry on with this relationship.
Your life, your choice.

You've been with him for 7 years. He is a looser. How can you think that he would be a good adult partner, a good father? Ho won't be. Jettison the deadwood and find yourself a better man,

Slimthistime · 14/08/2017 23:45

What is appealing about being with this guy?!

PollyFlint · 14/08/2017 23:47

He will never change. He doesn't want a better job. He doesn't want to save money for your future. He is happy living with mummy who cossets him and lets him live like a teenager at the age of 27.

He is happy living the way he currently does - if he wasn't, he'd have done something about it by now. If you move in with him, all that will happen is that you will end up being the one fulfilling the role now played by his mother and you'll end up hating him.

Aquamarine1029 · 15/08/2017 00:56

I'm concerned that the OP hasn't responded. Wondering if she thinks she'll be able to "change" him. Confused

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