To be mortified - AIBU to never go back?

[killinemnow]

Horror.

I was 19 stone. Am now 15. Obviously, I'm still a whopper. (Am 5'2.)

But I have still lost 4 stone. So I feel a lot lighter than I was. And so at a real push to get skinny - or OK a healthy weight - before Christmas I joined a gym.

Today someone came up to me and said in hushed tones "We admire you so much, honestly, don't feel self conscious, well done!"

I DIDN'T feel self conscious.

NOW, I do!

I know, I know they were trying to be nice and all but I am horrified.

Sounds to me like maybe you did come across as being very self-conscious. Even though you might not have thought you were.

Maybe they were trying to tell you that no-one gives as much of a shit as people think when they go to gyms, about what other people look like.

That said, she should have kept her thoughts to herself as itMs just drawing attention.

"Awww thanks so much. I was just thinking of saying something similar to you"

Oops, sorry, see that this is not the case, in that case then they're just weird, fuck 'em!

Mediumred, she's said a number of times that they didn't see her when she was bigger!

Nothing tells someone that no one gives a shit about what people look like than someone going up to them and saying WEVE BEEN TALKING ABOUT WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE

I wonder if they (badly) were trying to combat the fact that alot of over weight women hate gyms because people can be rude, stare etc.

Or maybe they over heard someone beung rude and thought the OP heard too.

I genuinely think it was meant kindly. But actually a bit shit.

I think she was clumsy but well intentioned. Maybe she has observed you're amazing weight loss and has been silently cheering you on (until now!).

4 stone is an incredible weight loss and I bet you are transformed.

My DH used to go to the gym at lunchtimes and there was a woman who halved her weight over a year. He said it was inspirational and she totally transformed herself (although he never said anything to her).

Nothing tells someone that no one gives a shit about what people look like than someone going up to them and saying WEVE BEEN TALKING ABOUT WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE

Indeed.

Gosh that's rubbish but I am sure she meant to be really nice and it just went wrong. Don't worry, you're doing amazingly. Keep it up!
My dh decided to shape up recently and started cycling in tight (unflattering lycra) and now, several months of determined exercise and better eating later, he looks great and feels loads better. You can do this thing!!

Just imagine what they'll say when you lose another 4 stone!

Try to think of it as a compliment to your determination. Also, don't play yourself down - you DO look different, there is a massive difference between an 18 and a 24!

Oh god yeh, I understand that sounds very condescending, it would of made me feel really stupid. I know they probably meant well but it's so patronising!

I think he was trying to be kind I`m sure she would be mortified that she had upset you, you have done well op and to be going to the gym is brilliant - do not let it put you off hold your head high.

Could they mean don't be self conscious about your achievement ie don't be humble about it, be loud and proud because what you've done is fabulous ?

Who are the "we" she is talking about?

It seems patronising to me TBH. I would hate it.

Ignore. Keep doing your stuff at the gym.
They were trying (badly) to be supportive.

Gyms are weird places. I've been to 3 different ones in the last 4 yrs. Always bonkers people about.

You are going to the gym for you. Don't let it put you off.

An amazing achievement!

Congratulations, well done!

Best wishes for the future.

Slight sidebar but I saw a fellow parent from my DD's school today. I would estimate she has lost at least 7-8 stone and looks fantastic. I was going to tell her next time I see her but I'm contemplating not acknowledging it at all. I can see how people who are genuinely well meaning can come across as very clumsy.

Hm, well intentioned but yes a bit crass to come and tell you. Maybe she thought that you had been feeling self-conscious and thought the recognition of your hard work would spur you on or some such

Anyway, don't worry about it, but good on you. 4 stone loss is really really super. I find even a 4lbs loss a challenge. Well done.

4 stone!! Amazing! Well done.

I agree it was probably meant nicely but was completely clumsily done. It's hard. I'm overweight and go running and feel very self conscious. So when I see an overweight woman running I want to smile encouragingly because for me it's not easy, but I always think it'll seem patronising/indulgent so often don't. I'm sure this lady meant it in the same way.

If it's any consolation a woman at DC1's swimming lesson said to be when I was 39 weeks pregnant "Oh, I wasn't sure if you were or not, congratulations"... she'd seen me in a swimsuit every single week since before I was pregnant. I'm overweight but not that much

Try not to take it to heart.

There are gym people who just interfere with your workout regardless of what you're doing, wearing, your size etc.

Both me and DH are regular gym goers and over the years have been offered all sorts of unsolicited crap advice/ encouragement.

Smile and nod and completely ignore them

Oh how horrid! Don't let the silly twat put you off though.

It sounds patronising but it probably came from a good place. Don't let her put you off. For all you know she might have been overweight and unfit this time last year.

Fat shaming at it's finest. Fat phobia/hate is so ingrained in society these days many people don't even stop to think whether saying something like this is offensive or inappropriate. Just ignore and carry on with your fabulous life.

Telling someone you admire the is fat shaming

What a world