To think I have been lumbered with a man child?

[CreamCakePls]

Plan today was sort out the kitchen cupboards and dp and dd go food shopping while I go to work at 1pm.

All morning I've said to dp to write a shopping list and gave him some meal ideas, he won't do it and says he won't know what to get in there and will be stressed,

We go to sort out the cupboards I asked what he was throwing and he kicks off saying you do it all then, so I was left half trying to get ready for work, make a shopping list for dumbass and clear all the kitchen cupboards! Am I being unreasonable here?

How hard is it. I feel stressed and so pissed off at having to do everything, before I left he was sat on his arse on the sofa, I feel like I have loads to do, bring washing in off the line/hang more out, general house work and he doesn't have the thought in his mind to just think, oh I'll grab the washing of the line and hang some back out. He'd happily walk past rubbish. I'm shattered I work nights too and just feel like I've had enough.

It annoys me if he's decided he doesn't want to do any housework that he can't even get dd sorted and take her to the park or something!

I needed that rant.

Yes, that's unfair, unreasonable, childish and not a partnership. What are you going to do about it?

So do you normally do all the food shopping, all cooking and all laundry?

You can't shop when you are at work, so... If he's an adult, he should be able to manage adult things. If he can't, then he should take being organised by someone else without getting stroppy. Or he lives independently on his own if he can't manage partnership.

Sounds really annoying. I would be having a rant in his direction. You're off to work, he's an adult he needs to get on with it.

I hate food shopping so I do it online and collect it. Would he consider that?

Is he a complete waste of space or does he have any useful functions?

Stop doing his washing/ making him food/ his shopping. He'll soon realise how much you do. I have a similar issue. I get accused of nagging. I ask for one thing to be done. Then I have to ask again and again. When I end up so annoyed about it, that I do it myself I get the whole "I was just going to do it". Pisses me right off. My oh would also walk past rubbish, cat sick or various other things that other people wouldn't. H should pull his weight, you're his partner, not his skivy.

Have you always just put up with him being like this? Or is he spectacularly useless post-DC?

You've not been lumbered, you can leave, you know. He sounds charming.

It was his idea to be cleaning them, mentioned it last week.

He's now just rang me asking where all the kids paint bits are, just loooook.

I asked if he's leaving the cupboards then and he said yeah because he throws the wrong things out, more like he wants me to just do it!

That doesn't sound like a pleasant way to live.

Could you un-lumber yourself?

Whose idea was it to spend Sunday morning sorting out the cupboards, and for him to go shopping in the afternoon? I can see where the resentment is coming from on both sides: you, because you're doing all the work, and him because it sounds like you're dictating what he has to do and when on his day off. Could you not draw up a list of chores and then decide between you who does what and by when rather than saying 'you have to do this at this time'. Just a suggestion. I would be annoyed if my OH started organising my day for me. But I also get annoyed when the housework balance shifts too much in my direction as it has with you.

When I hear shit like this I want to scream!

Tell him how you feel, if he still doesn't change then:

Separate laundry baskets- only do yours and kids' laundry.

Order the shopping online and only buy/cook for you and the kids.

My DH started acting like your DH when I went back to work after our first DC. It didn't last long.

You have to not tolerate it. Working nights is exhausting. Being solely responsible for EVERYTHING ELSE is bullshit.

I still reckon I do more than 50%, probably more like 60/40 split but there is no way he is sitting on his arse while I run round sorting stuff out.

I was married to someone who didn't work much of the time and also assumed I was the household fairy. he's gone now, it's much better.
I don't have time for that kind of fuckery.

Sorry, cross post with the OP there.

I'm sorry. That is shit. There seem to be so many of these manbabies around at the moment.

What's the point in being with someone like that? What's attractive about an adult who can't do basic chores and look after themselves and their family?

Who lumbered you with him?

Could you unlumber yourself? What is the job/house situation?

It was his idea to be cleaning them, mentioned it last week.

Hmm, more like he was suggesting you add it to your list of things to do.

But how do people end up with these men? I mean most people live together for a while before marrying or having kids. Surely you would notice if your bloke was an idle git and end things pretty quickly?

You haven't been lumbered with a man child but you are enabling one.

Beats me, but it explains why they haven't become extinct. Always someone who's ready to facilitate their infantile attitude.

It would irritate me if someone was trying to organise my day, tell me when to write a shopping list etc. but also I would not expect phone calls at work about trivia. If this is a general pattern of behaviour, I would step back so he has to contribute.

Unlumber yourself. Be honest with him. You think that when he suggested cleaning the cupboards he meant for you to, given he seems to have no intention of doing it himself. You aren't his servant. And you think a grown man who can't pick a recipe , shop for it and cook a meal is not partner material, you want to be in a partnership.

Not quite following this 'clearing the cupboards' - in our house, food goes in, and comes out when eaten - doesn't need to be sorted and chucked?

Are you over buying or something?

Mind you, I like doing the weekly shop at 10:00 on Sunday at Aldi.