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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that seeing someone in a bikini/speeds is the same as seeing them in underwear?

71 replies

revolution909 · 13/08/2017 09:16

I've always had that theory! But everyone apart from my mum think is a crazy theory and they all say it's about context. But basically you've shown the same amount of skin so I honestly can't see the difference.

OP posts:
unwantedwoman · 13/08/2017 09:16

Yeah, but some men are nice to see like that!

ThymeLordIsSpartacus · 13/08/2017 09:17

I can't see that there's a difference either Confused

specialsubject · 13/08/2017 09:24

Yes, but it is all about appropriate location.

In some countries shorts are inappropriate for men as they look like underwear. Bikinis do look like bra and knickers but in certain locations, that's fine.

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 13/08/2017 09:29

I thought this on a boat trip on holiday - a woman had been swimming off the boat in her bikini and then changed back into her clothes under her towel (very awkwardly) even though once she had wriggled into her bra and pants she was wearing exactly the same as she had been happy to walk around in two minutes ago!

And I would have been exactly the same - in fact, I got changed in the loo...

MissionItsPossible · 13/08/2017 09:50

Huh? Why would anyone not think this? Bikinis and speedos are underwear garments for outdoors, of course.

trinity0097 · 13/08/2017 09:54

But bikinis etc do not go see through in water!

BoyFromTheBigBadCity · 13/08/2017 10:59

I always remember when a bunch of my uni mates and I were all staying with a friend, and one of the guys accidentally walked in on me while I was changing - I was wearing a skirt, but no top, so he saw me in my bra, and he was so flustered. I thought this was bizarre, since at uni he saw me in pjs, and wouldn't have thought anything of seeing me in a bikini... yanbu.

NumbNelly · 13/08/2017 11:01

Surely it's consent. If you walk in on someone undressing they haven't consented to showing their body whereas kf they're on the beach then they are consenting as they're in public

BoyFromTheBigBadCity · 13/08/2017 11:03

Numb that's a good point, I hadn't thought of that. I guess ,y thought was I was in a room full of the other girls.

VestalVirgin · 13/08/2017 11:22

Surely it's consent. If you walk in on someone undressing they haven't consented to showing their body whereas kf they're on the beach then they are consenting as they're in public

Yeah, that's it in a nutshell.

And of course if you see someone in their underwear with their consent because they are undressing for sex, that's more exciting than seeing someone in bathing attire.

The context in which clothes are usually seen probably causes many people to attach meaning to them that's then independent of context.

PollyFlint · 13/08/2017 11:50

It is totally about context and not just a matter of how much flesh is on show.

People who feel comfortable being seen in a bikini on the beach wouldn't necessarily feel comfortable wearing a bikini on the bus to work, or walking round Asda, or sitting at their desk in the office.

Similarly, women who model underwear for a living aren't necessarily fine with people seeing them in the their underwear in a non-work context. And when actors shoot underwear/nude scenes for films or TV dramas, it's a 'closed' set with a minimal crew and no visitors are allowed on set - even though the scenes being shot will potentially be broadcast to millions of people.

PacificDogwod · 13/08/2017 11:56

Yes, same/similar amount of skin is covered, but the context is entirely different.
Also wearing a bikini as underwear is fine (or board shorts as, you know, ^shorts), going in to a public swimming pool in undies is minging.

VladmirsPoutine · 13/08/2017 11:59

Of course it's about context. I fail to see why it's confusing.

I wouldn't ever consider having a glass of champagne in the morning but I did just that a few months ago at the airport waiting to travel to my friend's wedding.

Original poster
revolution909 · 13/08/2017 15:51

But for example surely they can't get scandalized for seeing you in skimpy clothes /pj's / having a wardrobe malfunction if they've seen you in a bikini

OP posts:
BeyondThePage · 13/08/2017 15:54

Of course they could feel scandalised for seeing you in a state of undress when you are not choosing for them to see that. If you are out and about in a bikini it is VERY different to being caught out whilst undressing. As a prior poster ably put it , it is about consent.

Original poster
revolution909 · 13/08/2017 15:58

I'm talking about it being fully consensual. Maybe the wardrobe malfunction is different but more reason to not feel terribly embarrassed.

OP posts:
Original poster
revolution909 · 13/08/2017 15:59

Unless the consent has to come from them

OP posts:
Stormwhale · 13/08/2017 16:00

Well it certainly did feel a bit odd to see a woman walking her dog in a bikini at the park this morning. There are no swimming facilities or Sun lounges, it's just a normal park with fields and swings and the like. I didn't quite know what to think.

Writerwannabe83 · 13/08/2017 16:04

I remember being in a huge national park one hot day and there were loads of women sunbathing with bikini tops on (still wearing skirts, trousers or shorts though) and it was fine. I hadn't got a bikini top on (it hadn't occurred to me) and because I was absolutely sweltering when me and DH stopped for our picnic I took my top off and lay down on the grass wearing my skirt and bra.

At one point a couple walked passed us and the woman after glaring at me made a comment about how disgusting it was that women felt they could just "lounge around in their underwear" and I should cover myself up.

I was absolutely surrounded by women wearing bikini tops that were far more skimpier and revealing than my bra and I just couldn't understand what the issue was?

Maybe bra clasps are more offensive than bikini ties? Or maybe bra cups are more shameful than little triangular bits of material, I don't know? Grin

AngeloftheSouth84 · 13/08/2017 16:08

I remember at school not having PE kit and squirming at having to do the lesson in my underwear - the teacher trying to reassure me it was no different to wearing a swimming costume! I don't think the teacher would have felt the same if it was them!

WhooooAmI24601 · 13/08/2017 16:12

Underwear would feel more private than swimwear, that's why it would be different. You're spot on about it being the same amount of skin but it's that level of trust that's different; generally you only show underwear to very select people.

BocaDeTrucha · 13/08/2017 16:30

I live in a hot country and have no issues whatsoever with people going topless on the beach, bikinis, speedos, nudist beaches etc. But I can't stand seeing women wearing shorts and a bra instead of a bikini top. Equally hate seeing men wearing their pants to go swimming in. Don't ask me to explain it, it's a totally illlogical pet hate, but it annoys me intensely!!

AngeloftheSouth84 · 13/08/2017 16:50

I can't see that there's a difference either

Would you really walk around in bra and knickers if you had a choice of putting a bikini on?

EngagedWithALeaf · 13/08/2017 16:54

It is differnet but I'm not sure why! I recently went on holiday with PIL and swam in the sea in swimwear with them - but on the same hol if Id had to appear in front of them in (equally concealing, non-seethrough and non-skimpy) underwear, we'd all have been embarrassed

PacificDogwod · 13/08/2017 17:11

Ok, I think you need to give us an example of the situation this may occur in.