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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that seeing someone in a bikini/speeds is the same as seeing them in underwear?

71 replies

revolution909 · 13/08/2017 09:16

I've always had that theory! But everyone apart from my mum think is a crazy theory and they all say it's about context. But basically you've shown the same amount of skin so I honestly can't see the difference.

OP posts:

Gwenhwyfar · 13/08/2017 20:10

Yes, but sexy or seductive dressing is not just to do with how much flesh is on show, but also the way it's done. A long dress with a slit going right up to the leg could be considered more seductive than wearing a very short dress because of the playfulness of it - it's like showing something that you wouldn't normally. In the same way a lacy see through top can be more sexy than wearing a bikini. I presume that's what your DH was getting at with the visible underwear.

Gwenhwyfar · 13/08/2017 20:11

And just because the people had seen you in a bikini at the beach, doesn't mean it would be normal for them to see you in a bikini at dinner, would it? Again, it's context. In many countries people go for naked saunas together. Doesn't mean they can now go to work naked because their colleagues have already seen it all!

AlmostAJillSandwich · 13/08/2017 20:13

I dont see it the same at all tbh, and its not about tbe skin on show but the actual clothing. Beach wear is typically made of thicker material that gives more coverage and is made to withstand water and not become see through or clingy etc. Its made to be all youre wearing, not to go under your outer clothing.
Underwear is more personal and something you buy to be private or seen only by a significant other. The matetial is much thinner and less covering, either by not being as opaque, by covering less flesh based on cut. Theres also something very personal about underwear style choice, including material its made from.
Plus, you go out in a bikini etc by choice giving permission to see you in it, you dont with underwear.

Original poster

revolution909 · 13/08/2017 20:25

That bra in question was more like a sports bra... Which brings me to the other double standard of sport bras! In theory it is acceptable to work out /run in them without a top but I think it's still frowned upon.

OP posts:

Gwenhwyfar · 13/08/2017 20:28

I don't really understand why someone would want to run in public with just a bra on to be honest. It wouldn't make you much warmer to put a thin sports top on. If the sports bra is under a shirt then it's just like any other bra isn't it. As we've mentioned before it's not just the type of clothing, but also how it's being used.

Original poster

revolution909 · 13/08/2017 20:34

As a runner I had to take my top off just a couple of times and it was because it was way too wet (from the sweat) and not drying fast enough so it was actually making me very uncomfortable.

OP posts:

AngeloftheSouth84 · 13/08/2017 21:22

As a runner I had to take my top off just a couple of times
In public? Just wearing a bra underneath?

Original poster

revolution909 · 13/08/2017 21:29

Yeah wearing sports bra! Which should be in theory completely acceptable. So many ladies in my running groups have been shamed for doing the same

OP posts:

AngeloftheSouth84 · 13/08/2017 21:31

Sports bra not so bad! Thought you meant normal bra!

Original poster

revolution909 · 13/08/2017 21:35

Nope, that would be so uncomfortable (and bad for my boobs!)

OP posts:

AngeloftheSouth84 · 13/08/2017 21:39

I've found it embarrassing in the past!

Mummyme1987 · 13/08/2017 21:47

I'm prudish ever since I was made to do pe in my vest and knickers age 7.

PacificDogwod · 13/08/2017 21:56

Well, I think it is one of those very personal things, innit?

Private villa with pool on holiday + 35+ degrees = bikini bottoms or knickers on show

Going running + Scottish 'summer' = sports bra + t-shirt

I have no shame, personally, but do try and keep in situation appropriate.
So, you and your DH's take on the same situation are different. And likely at least partially influenced by social conditioning. Hey ho.

KickAssAngel · 13/08/2017 22:00

but your average underwear is made of very thin & soft cotton, whereas swimwear is made of other material.

So - going swimming in underwear, you may as well just strip off. Everyone will know if you wax/shave or not from quite a distance away. A bikini doesn't show that.

Sports bra - usually thick enough material that they are fine, so I'd think not a problem.

AngeloftheSouth84 · 13/08/2017 22:05

I'm prudish ever since I was made to do pe in my vest and knickers age 7
I was older than that. Glad I didn't go to the only school it happened at!

Original poster

revolution909 · 13/08/2017 22:15

And also apparently it also depends on who's showing off their bra according to my DH (which I think is very hypocritical!) we have a friend who's always showing off her bra because her dresses /shirts don't fit... Well let's say he thinks that's ok as it isn't sexy at all...

OP posts:

Emboo19 · 13/08/2017 22:39

I don't mind my bra showing, through or under clothes. I've got a few backless tops or ones with a sheer material back and I'll put a bra on that I don't mind being on show.
I run and go to the gym in the cropped top sports bra.

I'd be a bit 'hmm' if my dp said something about my bra being on show though! And he comment about itv being ok, because it's not sexy at all, would make me

Original poster

revolution909 · 13/08/2017 22:51

I laugh it off now a days! I'm also pretty shameless and that doesn't help! We've had friends stay over for a few days (and again because of the bikini theory) they've seen me in pretty skimpy pj's / sports bras, etc... Well I even felt bad myself so ended up apologizing for showing too much skin, DH on the other hand is now OK with all of that ha!

OP posts:

Emboo19 · 13/08/2017 23:20

I'm fine with skin on show and I wouldn't apologise revolution.

I remember the first time I went away with dp and his friends. When we'd been away just the two of us, I'd sunbathed topless. He in the nicest, it's up to you way kept trying to ask if I would with his friends there. (I didnt!)
It was funny though, he obviously didn't want me to, but wouldn't say that.

Gwenhwyfar · 14/08/2017 00:10

"We've had friends stay over for a few days (and again because of the bikini theory) they've seen me in pretty skimpy pj's / sports bras, etc... "

Oh dear. You really don't get the context thing do you? If I've seen a male friend in speedos on the beach, it doesn't mean he should walk into my room wearing nothing but very small briefs.

Original poster

revolution909 · 14/08/2017 08:08

It was all technically within context we were all wearing pjs (mine were just more revealing) and the other times I either came back from a run or was doing yoga/training.

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