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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that seeing someone in a bikini/speeds is the same as seeing them in underwear?

71 replies

revolution909 · 13/08/2017 09:16

I've always had that theory! But everyone apart from my mum think is a crazy theory and they all say it's about context. But basically you've shown the same amount of skin so I honestly can't see the difference.

OP posts:

elephantoverthehill · 13/08/2017 17:23

I was on the beach on Friday. There was a Dad with his 2 young DCs, he was really enjoying paddling with them etc. I guess he had forgotten his trunks and was wearing his underpants with a shirt on top. Later he took off his shirt ensuring that there was no mistaking he was in his pants. I admired him for really engaging with his Dcs with a not a care in the world attitude but at the same time he did look incongruous and so very British.

CoughLaughFart · 13/08/2017 17:29

Any particular reason why you were discussing this? Have you been caught or caught someone?

Ohyesiam · 13/08/2017 18:12

It's all context. Bikini means beach, which is public. Underwear means getting changed, Which is private.
Some how these things over ride flesh quota on display.

AngeloftheSouth84 · 13/08/2017 18:26

I wouldn't go out expecting people to see me in my underwear, but if I wore a bikini I would be expecting it. Bikinis are for being seen in, underwear isn't

Emboo19 · 13/08/2017 18:34

I show the same amount of flesh in a bikini v's underwear, in fact a few of my bikinis probably show more. But I feel more covered in a bikin, the material is different (thicker, no lace/sheer parts) I'd feel more exposed in underwear, especially knickers. I have sunbathed in a bra before though, just a plain black t shirt style one, that looked very much like a bikini top.

AngeloftheSouth84 · 13/08/2017 18:48

I'd feel more exposed in underwear, especially knickers
Same with me. Like I said in an earlier post, the PE teacher trying to explain I was no more exposed in my underwear when I didn't have my PE kit than if I'd been wearing a swimming costume didn't really work with me!

Marymoosmum14 · 13/08/2017 18:50

I agree op, I say this all the time.

SweetPeaPods · 13/08/2017 18:57

Yes- it's showing same amount of flesh.
I was away at a work conference a couple of months ago and one of my colleagues suggested a team swim in the indoor pool. He couldn't understand when me and a couple of other female colleagues said no. No chance are my colleagues seeing my flabby tummy in a swimming costume/bikini

Gwenhwyfar · 13/08/2017 19:02

It's simple. A bikini is outerwear and underwear is underwear and not meant to be seen. You can of course wear a pair of black knickers and a bra and pretend it's a bikini, but then they're functioning as a bikini.

Original poster

revolution909 · 13/08/2017 19:06

Exactly @writer those are the double standards I mean!

OP posts:

BackforGood · 13/08/2017 19:10

Agree that it is all about context, which includes the issue of consent.

On holiday somewhere hot, lying on beach or by pool I would happily wear a bikini. Getting the bus at home / going to work / doing the supermarket shop I would not. Same body, same amount of flesh, but entirely inappropriate in some places.

lljkk · 13/08/2017 19:14

When I was about 10yo, (Backstage theatre) Boys standing outside & Girl's dressing room door opened fully suddenly. It was like parting of the Red Sea with girls dashing to sides of room except for one girl who non-chalently kept changing her outfit. "Why would I be alarmed?" she explained later. "My bikini reveals more than my bra & pants."

She was right.

Original poster

revolution909 · 13/08/2017 19:15

This has just been an ongoing discussion with DH and then because he disagrees with some friends. It also comes from the place that if you have friends who continuously see you in a bikini there no need to be prudish in other context. Some friends thought it was shocking when once (and admittedly I was drunk) decided to swim in my underwear in the sea.

OP posts:

headinhands · 13/08/2017 19:17

I agree. But this year I've bought myself a skirted cossie and I'm never going back!

museumum · 13/08/2017 19:19

My bras and pants are just like a bikini. I don't mind people seeing me in them in context (swimming pool or gym changing room or in some situations among others doing the same a car park after a running or cycling race).

BUT most women's underwear is far lacier and/or skimpier than what I wear, and often designed specifically to titilate.

BabychamSocialist · 13/08/2017 19:20

It's about consent and I also think the general thought around underwear. DP/DS1/DS2 wear speedos for swimming and have no issues about that, but they wouldn't sit around on the beach in their pants. I'm the same with a bikini - on holiday I will just pop a sarong on over the bottoms to go into a shop, but I wouldn't dream of doing a Tesco shop in my bra.

I think it's because we associate underwear with privacy - it's rare we see people in them other than our partners or close family, so it's a bit of a shock to see people in their underwear. But we're used to bikinis, speedos etc, even though on the surface they seem the same.

Neutrogena · 13/08/2017 19:21

Totally agree OP. Most others don't however

MrsTerryPratchett · 13/08/2017 19:32

there no need to be prudish in other context. I find the word prudish interesting. Judgemental and shaming, if you think about it. People are allowed to give and withdraw consent at any time.

Original poster

revolution909 · 13/08/2017 19:37

@mrsterrypratchet I don't mean of others... Like being shocked of say my "revealing outfit" when they've seen me in a bikini seems a bit prudish from their side. (it's all hypothetical btw)

OP posts:

Argeles · 13/08/2017 19:40

I think they're just the same too.

I have worn bikinis in the past, but have always thought how odd it is that suddenly everyone just walks about, plays ball games etc, in the equivalent of a bra and knickers or pants in front of their family and hundreds of strangers.

I certainly wouldn't walk around the house in my underwear in front of my Dad, FIL, BIL etc - I'd rather stick pins in my eyes.

I also find it odd that most people would be shocked/embarrassed if their window cleaner, postman, neighbour, male family member etc accidentally saw them in their underwear, yet come August, the bikinis are on and everyone can see the same amount as if they were wearing underwear.

Original poster

revolution909 · 13/08/2017 19:47

@Argeles your last paragraph is exactly how I feel!

OP posts:

Happydays21 · 13/08/2017 19:56

I think when you wear a bikini you know people will see you and you are prepared for it. You make a choice to let them see you.

In your underwear you are usually not choosing to let people see you.

MrsTerryPratchett · 13/08/2017 19:58

I put my feet in stirrups for my doctor. Wouldn't want her to see that view any other time.

It is contextual.

Gwenhwyfar · 13/08/2017 20:04

"I certainly wouldn't walk around the house in my underwear in front of my Dad, FIL, BIL etc - I'd rather stick pins in my eyes."

Not everybody wears a bikini either or not in front of family. Just because some people do doesn't mean everyone has a right to see that amount of flesh on anyone else.

Original poster

revolution909 · 13/08/2017 20:06

I think we all agree from the bikini wearer perspective it's all about their consent. But I think there are double standards from the 3rd parties. DH was shocked because I was once wearing a shirt and yes my bra was visible but the only people who saw me that day had seen me repeatedly in a bikini :/

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