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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is a bit weird....?

58 replies

frizzfactor · 12/08/2017 21:59

I have a teenage babysitter, who is the daughter of an acquaintance. The other day whilst the daughter was babysitting, the mum popped in to my house, to see her daughter and subsequently my children.

I don't know why particularly, but this makes me feel a bit odd. I wasn't asked and the sitter didn't mention it when I paid her before she went home. I found out when I bumped into the mum in town.

AIBU? I know I can be a bit protective of my space and who is invited into it, so I may well be overreacting, but I think I would just have liked a courtesy 'is it okay if...?', to which I would likely have said of course, so why do I feel so weird about it. I don't even have a better word than weird!

Happy to be told I'm a weirdo, I know I am!

OP posts:
RiverTam · 12/08/2017 22:02

I think it's OK. Perhaps the teenager didn't know her mum was going to pop round, and as you know the mum presumably didn't think it would be a problem.

NoCapes · 12/08/2017 22:03

Yeah I think that's fine, and I'm also a bit wierd about who comes into my house

TowerRavenSeven · 12/08/2017 22:03

I wouldn't have a problem with it, to be honest.

early30smum · 12/08/2017 22:04

YANBU.

PandorasXbox · 12/08/2017 22:05

Was it a quick visit to drop something off or pass a message on or something or did she come in and stay a while?

PollyFlint · 12/08/2017 22:05

If I didn't know the babysitter's mum, then yes, I'd definitely think it was a bit off. But as you do know her, I can't see the harm really.

TennisAtXmas · 12/08/2017 22:08

I don't really get why you're OK about the teenager, but not comfortable with her mother in your house? I'd sort of assume you know the daughter through the mother, and that therefore you'd see them as equally OK to be around your kids?
I can completely see the issue if it was the daughters boyfriend, or some of her mates from school, but if anything I'd be reassured by her mum dropping in.

Original poster
frizzfactor · 12/08/2017 22:09

Pandora - I believe she stayed a while. I didn't really ask but can ask oldest when they wake.

Interested that most say it's fine!

OP posts:
tequilaitmakesmehapppy · 12/08/2017 22:09

Don't really understand your problem?

It was someone you know enough to trust their daughter in your home with your kids.

It's not like she let a gang of mates in or a random off the street.

Oysterbabe · 12/08/2017 22:10

I really don't understand the problem.

early30smum · 12/08/2017 22:11

For me, it's the not asking and the fact that you're paying the babysitter to look after your kids, not have her mum round. If she'd asked, absolutely fair enough, but I think she should have asked out of courtesy. For all those saying it's fine- what if it had been a friend the OP knew, or an aunt, a grandma?

Original poster
frizzfactor · 12/08/2017 22:11

It's the not asking/telling that bothers me. Not bothered about her being around the kids per se, just that there was an uninvited person in my house that I didn't know about. As I said, had I just had a text or something, I would have likely been fine.

OP posts:
centreyourself · 12/08/2017 22:11

Mmmm, maybe frizz is thinking that the mum could have taken the opportunity to have a good look through her cupboards?
Not saying she did just saying there's another POV.

secondhoneymoon · 12/08/2017 22:13

I can understand why you feel uncomfortable having someone in the house you didn't invite in or give babysitter permission to invite in. But she's the mother of the teenager who is looking after your children and more than likely wanted to check that her DD was coping ok with your DCs. After all as you said she's an acquaintance which suggests that the babysitter doesn't know you or your DCs that well?

Original poster
frizzfactor · 12/08/2017 22:13

Ha ha centre the horror!!!! (But there's a bit of that in it, not that I think she would at all, but something of that idea!)

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 12/08/2017 22:13

I wouldn't like that. You hired the babysitter; you didn't give her mum the right to come in.

centreyourself · 12/08/2017 22:14

X post.
When mine were tiny I had a nanny ...came home one day to find the nanny's uninvited boyfriend spooning food into one of my babies.
I just didn't like it. At the very least they should ask first.

RiverTam · 12/08/2017 22:14

But if she came round unannounced would you expect her to stand on the doorstep while they texted you? Or did you expect the mum to text you saying 'just passing yours, going to pop in to see DDif that's OK?'. I don't know, I think that's a bit unnecessary. Far enough if it was a stranger, a pal if the teenager's but you know this woman, I assume her teenager got the gig through her mum?

Original poster
frizzfactor · 12/08/2017 22:15

Babysitter had been sitting with us for around a year. Capability not an issue at all, she's great with the kids.

OP posts:
PandorasXbox · 12/08/2017 22:15

Has she been in your house before? If not I'd wonder if the mother thought of it as a chance for a nosy? Wink

BackforGood · 12/08/2017 22:16

I don't understand the problem either..... I presume the dd needed something, or the Mum had something she wanted to tell / ask her face to face or whatever. I genuinely can't see why it would be an issue, and probably the dd didn't mention it as it wouldn't have crossed her mind it was an issue either.

MammaTJ · 12/08/2017 22:20

I use pretty local babysitters, people I know and whos parents I know. I ask them to shout their parents if there is a real emergency and it would take me too long to get home. The whole point of having them is the parental support. I also used to do the same when DD1 babysat for neighbours and friends.

I think this is a good thing, not something to get worked up about.

centreyourself · 12/08/2017 22:21

I'm with you, Frizz. I wouldn't like it.

centreyourself · 12/08/2017 22:22

She's not worked up. Her whole tone is fairly casual. There wasn't an emergency. Totally different in the case of an emergency, obviously Hmm

centreyourself · 12/08/2017 22:23

She being the IP of course.
I fucking hate it when people say stuff like 'calm down' or 'don't get worked up' when someone is simply garnering opinion.