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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is a bit weird....?

58 replies

frizzfactor · 12/08/2017 21:59

I have a teenage babysitter, who is the daughter of an acquaintance. The other day whilst the daughter was babysitting, the mum popped in to my house, to see her daughter and subsequently my children.

I don't know why particularly, but this makes me feel a bit odd. I wasn't asked and the sitter didn't mention it when I paid her before she went home. I found out when I bumped into the mum in town.

AIBU? I know I can be a bit protective of my space and who is invited into it, so I may well be overreacting, but I think I would just have liked a courtesy 'is it okay if...?', to which I would likely have said of course, so why do I feel so weird about it. I don't even have a better word than weird!

Happy to be told I'm a weirdo, I know I am!

OP posts:
BackforGood · 12/08/2017 22:25

MammaTJ isn't saying 'calm down, she is offering her opinon that it isn't something anyone would need to get worked up about, not accusing the OP of getting worked up.

Original poster
frizzfactor · 12/08/2017 22:26

Yes, absolutely she should call her in an an emergency as she knows, but mum just said 'I popped in to see x the other day, it was lovely to see y and z too'. No reason given.

As for would I expect them to wait on the doorstep, well, I'm guessing it wasn't that unexpected, but either way, just a 'I popped in' or 'mum popped in' message would have been a bit more polite imo. I'm not worked up, I'll certainly use them again, just would like to know who's in my house I suppose!

OP posts:
Original poster
frizzfactor · 12/08/2017 22:27

Her not them lol. Freudian slip!

OP posts:
IfYouGoDownToTheWoodsToday · 12/08/2017 22:27

This wouldn't bother me at all. But it obviously bothers you, and it's OK to feel like that as it's your home and your DC.

So maybe just ask the babysitter to let you know if anyone pops in.

cdtaylornats · 12/08/2017 22:32

Mother possibly ensuring boyfriend wasn't sitting on your couch?

AnnieAnoniMouse · 12/08/2017 22:33

I think if the babysitter has said something when I got home 'Mum popped in to x, she said to say Hi' I wouldn't have thought anything of it.

Finding out from the Mum, & the babysitter not having said anything, would probably make me feel a little wary. Not because her Mum popped in, but because she didn't mention it, I think I'd wonder what else she didn't mention. Even though it doesn't really matter/make sense. Feelings aren't always very logical!

I wouldn't mind, but I'd mind a bit not being told when I got home. On the other hand, if it was my nanny I wouldn't mind at all.

Fudgit · 12/08/2017 22:34

A teenager babysitting may sometimes want to call a parent to help with non-emergency type difficulties (my poor mum went over to help clean up sick once when dsis was babysitting!), or she may have been dropping something off (phone charger, homework). You know both of them and your children do too presumably? Bit different if it's a boyfriend coming round unannounced, I think this is fine though.

I'm a bit funny about my personal space too so I wouldn't love it but I also definitely don't think it's a breach of babysitting etiquette.

Fudgit · 12/08/2017 22:35

And teens aren't always the best communicators.

secondhoneymoon · 12/08/2017 22:36

I fully get that you don't want random people in your house, of course you don't and I wouldn't either - but this is the mother of the teenager who has been sitting for your children for over a year? And was an acquaintance in the first place? I find it weird that you find it weird to be honest (not beong nasty at all - if my DD had been sitting for an acquaintance's children for a year, and said acquaintance got upset about my calling in, I'd be offended

MyPatronusIsAUnicorn · 12/08/2017 22:36

I wouldn't like this either OP. It's your home, you have the right to know who is in it. It was also unnecessary. Assuming the babysitter lives with her mum so no need for her to visit her at your house.

Original poster
frizzfactor · 12/08/2017 22:37

Ha fudgit, ain't that the truth!!!

OP posts:
LooksBetterWithAFilter · 12/08/2017 22:40

I don't think the fact she didn't mention it is odd it probably didn't even cross her mind when you got home as worth mentioning. I think it would have been odd if she had sent a text saying my mum popped in. She seen it as a non event. She has babysat for a year and once her mum popped by possibly passing and thought her daughter may like some company so thought she would say hi.
I am very funny about my space to the point of weirdness and even I don't see what the problem is.

Illstartexercisingtomorrow · 12/08/2017 22:40

I wouldn't be ok with it.

Leaving my dc in someone's care means they have to follow the rules and stick to boundaries in order for me to trust them. So leaving them with a babysitter means only the babysitter. You did not give permission for anyone else to be around your dc. Mum today, aunt tomorrow, friend next time. Where does it stop if it has started in the first place??

Would you be ok if a nanny had her best friend pop over now and then during work hours? People may say it's different but it's really not. Safeguarding applies in every situation.

My only exception to this would be if the mum was my close friend who regularly comes over to see me anyway.

fabulous01 · 12/08/2017 22:41

If you have a problem you need to change baby sitter. If you like the baby sitter have a word to ask if the mum is dropping in.
Maybe the mum had a few concerns and maybe she felt the need to pop in. But you have to decide what is important. If you don't like this happening you may loose a baby sitter.

MammaTJ · 12/08/2017 22:42

She's not worked up. Her whole tone is fairly casual. There wasn't an emergency. Totally different in the case of an emergency, obviously

Oh dear Centre, I think you may need to calm down! As Back said, I did not suggest the OP was anything other than calm, but could quickly get worked up if people on here were of a mind to wind her up. I just said it was not something to get worked up about.

Original poster
frizzfactor · 12/08/2017 22:43

Second honeymoon, I totally see that, I have no problem at all with her popping in, I have a problem with not being told (at the very least) until days after the event. Especially as it wasn't at teenagers request, just mother's whim, as far as I know anyway.

Theres not many people I would mind being in my house without my knowing. In fact, there's literally one.

OP posts:
Original poster
frizzfactor · 12/08/2017 22:44

*wouldn't mind

I think. Confused by my own grammar now!

OP posts:
MrsJamesAspey · 12/08/2017 22:45

Maybe the mum deliberately mentioned it as she realised her daughter hadn't?

I understand your surprise too, but there's nothing wrong with it. I'd probably do it when my daughter was babysitting, could be loads of reasons...her daughter could have recently splint with a boyfriend or started seeing a new one or be having problems with friends.

AgentZigzag · 12/08/2017 22:45

If you trust the daughter you're kind of trusting her mum by default (as she brought her daughter up).

I'm the same with people coming round too, but as you've invited the babysitter to do such an important job you have to presume she'd be sensible re anyone else coming round to riffle through your cupboards

The daughter probably didn't mention it because she didn't think it was anything important, to her it was only her mum dropping by.

centreyourself · 12/08/2017 22:47

In your opinion.

And no of course you weren't being patronising.

"Oh dear" really?

Yes I'm here for the sole reason of working her up. Whereas your "do calm down" or whatever patronising tosh it was, was designed to make her feel good. Yep. If you say so.

Flopjustwantscoffee · 12/08/2017 22:49

I also would feel weird about it (just the fact that someone I didn't know was in my house was in my house) but I also don't think either of them did anything particularly wrong.

centreyourself · 12/08/2017 22:49

That's it, Agent either the teenager is capable or she isn't.
Why does one need one and a half babysitters?

timeisnotaline · 12/08/2017 22:49

you're paying the babysitter to look after your kids, not have her mum round.
lol really? The kids are if anything better cared for with the mum over. I was a frequent and extremely competent teenage babysitter but you would have to be nuts to think my mum wasn't better at looking after children.

JemandScout · 12/08/2017 23:04

It wouldn't bother me. But it does you, and I see why. I would ask her to text you next time..

BenLui · 12/08/2017 23:04

I wouldn't be happy about this at all.

I would be wondering why she "popped round". She lives with the girl why did she call round?

It sounds like she called to see your kids, which is pretty rude without asking.

Either that or she called to check on her daughter, which would make me question her competence tbh.

You don't just invite yourself to someone's house in their absence - it's really rude.

I'd be looking for an alternative babysitter frankly.

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