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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Antenatal Cheeky Fucker. AIBU?

57 replies

CardiffSpecialSundae · 11/08/2017 11:43

Go ahead and tell me IABU, I just need to vent.

I do an antenatal class. It's oversubscribed, with a booking system where you need to buy blocks in advance but can then sell them/swap them later on FB.

At the start of the last block, this woman just turned up and said something like "Oh, I don't need to book for this, do I?" I think none of us had the heart to say that actually, no you can't just turn up, so we told her to speak to the teacher. There was a sub teaching that day, who had no idea who was expected. Woman joined in the class. Very vocal, oversharing. Also asked a few of us for advice on a very personal topic literally two minutes after meeting.

Same story the following week - turned up, different sub was teaching, she just joined in. Sub didn't seem to notice that room was now a bit overcrowded for all paid attendees plus this random woman.

Since then our actual teacher has come back, and this woman just keeps bloody turning up! She'll arrive at the beginning of class, hang around, take a spot, then bugger off when paid women arrive. If the class is full, she'll hang around for the initial "how's everyone feeling?" bit, ask loads of invasive questions of the rest of us, then turn up again after class when everyone goes for a coffee.

She does odd things:
-photographing (extensively) the teacher's baby, who comes along to the class,

-saying things like, "Look, can we do this [discussion] at the end of the class, I need to leave early today?" - for a class she hasn't even bloody signed up for!

  • brought her OH along at some point - again, it's a women's antenatal class, does anyone need to be told that it's a bit off for a bloke to turn up?

At the caff there's more of the same - she plays on her phone incessantly until she wants to ask something about [random topic pulled from thin air], when she'll happily interrupt the rest of us to say, "Oh, but what do people think about [random topic]?" Given that the rest of us were happily discussing local nurseries/parks the minute before, we typically just mumble something neutral about fox hunting (it really is as random as that), then change the subject. And on it goes. Plus endless requests for advice about her relationship issues, but if one of us tries to engage with her about that/offer an opinion, she snaps.

It sounds nuts, but I'm now totally on edge at other points in the week, because I feel like this shouldn't be allowed to carry on. I'm waiting for the teacher to properly turn her away instead on letting this go on. I can't take another 20 weeks of this but I really like the class and don't want to cancel just because of her.

I started off thinking that she just needed a bit of support etc, but actually now in my mind she is Antenatal Cheeky Fucker. AIBU?

OP posts:
ShatnersWig · 11/08/2017 11:45

Complain to the actual teacher of the class. Whether she's annoying or not, rules is rules. You all signed up and did the right thing, she didn't.

talonofthehawk · 11/08/2017 11:46

CF- complain vocally

'Have you paid for this class? As far as we were aware it was oversubscribed.'

SoPassRemarkable · 11/08/2017 11:46

Can you talk to the normal teacher if you're finding her disruptive. Whichn it sounds like she is being, very cheeky to try and hurry the class on because she has to be somewhere!

Lj8893 · 11/08/2017 11:48

She sounds annoying! But 20+weeks of antenatal classes sounds crazy!

JemmyBloocher · 11/08/2017 11:51

20 weeks?? I did 9 or something with my first. Did you start at 16 weeks or something? Crazy.

Also, YANBU. Kick her to the curb, or get the teacher to do it, when you prompt her to answer the question, 'are you actually enrolled in this incredibly long antenatal course madame?'

HiJenny35 · 11/08/2017 11:56

My partner came to all my antenatal classes as did all the other dads in the group apart from two who were no longer with the OH and they came with a friend and a sister.

FizzyGreenWater · 11/08/2017 11:56

Yes, talk to the teacher of the class and be really clear that you and others are unhappy.

And maybe don't give a rat's ass about her snapping? She sounds like a bulldozer but also that the group is letting her be one. What do others think of her?

CardiffSpecialSundae · 11/08/2017 11:57

Sorry - it's a yoga class, not an antenatal class in the sense of the world's longest NCT course! That's part of what makes it difficult to speak up beyond regular british anxiety it's all calm, peace etc and I don't want to come across as a cheeky fucker myself.

OP posts:
Lj8893 · 11/08/2017 11:59

Oh a yoga class makes more sense!

Yes talk to the teacher.

PurityOfChaos · 11/08/2017 12:01

If she hasn't booked does that mean she isn't paying?

CardiffSpecialSundae · 11/08/2017 12:02

It also makes it very clear that there bloody isn't space for her - ooh look, 9 yoga mats! I wonder if that's because that's the capacity of the class! I cannot understand how she keeps turning up.

OP posts:
RhubardGin · 11/08/2017 12:02

Has she been informed that it's a pre-booked/paid class?

If she keeps turning up and yourself or another teacher keep letting her stay I don't see how this is the woman's fault?

She seems irritating but you're allowing her to be there Confused

ChocolateRicecake · 11/08/2017 12:04

I would irritate me immensely and she might be pushing her luck rather, but if no one has queried it and she's never been told she can only attend if paid then she's not really to blame...

Viviennemary · 11/08/2017 12:05

I agree with complaining to the teacher. There shouldn't be different rules for this woman. I wouldn't be happy if I had paid and this pain is getting it free.

vikingprincess81 · 11/08/2017 12:05

She's relying on the 'niceness' of others to get away with this. Get the teacher/facilitator to chuck her out next time. She's getting a free course while the rest of you are paying, AND she's ruining said paid course. Speak up, it's good practice for when a CF school mum asks you to take her DC 'for just a few hours every school day, oh, and just 10 hours a day in the holidays!' Wink

Namechangetempissue · 11/08/2017 12:07

Just take her to one side and say 'I'm not sure if you understand how the class works, but there is a booking system in place and you need to pay in advance as spaces are limited and oversubscribed. If you talk to teacher she can explain this to you'.
If she ignores you, go directly to the teacher.

dollydaydream114 · 11/08/2017 12:08

I think you definitely need to get the teacher to address this. If there was a waiting list and she's just barged in, that's completely unfair. And if it's a yoga class for pregnant women, then you're right, she should absolutely not be bringing her DH along. Wtf?!

The other stuff - taking pics of the teacher's baby, being generally annoying - is just a case of personality differences I think. But that's not really relevant as she shouldn't be there in the bloody first place!

SoupDragon · 11/08/2017 12:09

Has she been informed that it's a pre-booked/paid class?

If she keeps turning up and yourself or another teacher keep letting her stay I don't see how this is the woman's fault?

I agree. If no one has told her and she's been allowed to stay, perhaps she thinks it's a drop in class.

BrawneLamia · 11/08/2017 12:10

It sounds like you need to talk to the teacher. However, from another perspective, it sounds like she is a bit lacking in social skills and may be a bit lonely and looking for pregnant friends. She's having relationship issues, and she may have no one to talk to about it. She might not know that the class is oversubscribed and that she was supposed to book, as no one has actually told her, have they?

The kind thing to do would be to invite her for a coffee or something, she might easier to get along with in a one on one setting.

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 11/08/2017 12:13

It's up to the teacher to deal with this. Have you spoken to the teacher about this or whoever takes the bookings?

I would do that before you start telling this woman what to do. Maybe she has now booked or the people running it have decided to make an exception for her?

She also sounds a bit socially awkward so I would make some allowances for that in the cafe situation.

whifflesqueak · 11/08/2017 12:18

I didn't realise for weeks that the baby and toddler group I attended with my first asked for a small fee. I had never been to one before and no one told me, everyone was far too kind and polite.

Obviously I was quite embarrassed when I realised.

Now I run the group!

Does she definitely know?

Maelstrop · 11/08/2017 12:22

Speak to the teacher before class. If you can buy/swap classes on FB, presumably the teacher is also available on FB? If so, message her to say you're feeling very stressed about this woman. Are others feeling the same? If so, tell the teacher it's not just you and could she please tell this woman to check on FB for availability/has she paid?!

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 11/08/2017 12:33

Feeling very stressed? Please don't use that phrase unless you want people to think you're a bit unhinged. Just be factual and straight.

The Facebook message is a good idea though.

VladmirsPoutine · 11/08/2017 12:41

I think YABU for allowing it to cause you so much stress. I mean honestly it's an antenatal class - not a therapy session.

Tell the teacher or whomever's in charge of booking. She might not be aware that it's pre-booked though going from what you've said she might very well know and is indeed a cheeky fucker.

CardiffSpecialSundae · 11/08/2017 12:44

I've no idea if she's paying, for those who asked. There is a (long) waiting list for the class. She's not on the FB group. Surely though even if you turn up at some point you approach the teacher and say thanks very much, how much do I owe you? No?

OP posts: