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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Antenatal Cheeky Fucker. AIBU?

57 replies

CardiffSpecialSundae · 11/08/2017 11:43

Go ahead and tell me IABU, I just need to vent.

I do an antenatal class. It's oversubscribed, with a booking system where you need to buy blocks in advance but can then sell them/swap them later on FB.

At the start of the last block, this woman just turned up and said something like "Oh, I don't need to book for this, do I?" I think none of us had the heart to say that actually, no you can't just turn up, so we told her to speak to the teacher. There was a sub teaching that day, who had no idea who was expected. Woman joined in the class. Very vocal, oversharing. Also asked a few of us for advice on a very personal topic literally two minutes after meeting.

Same story the following week - turned up, different sub was teaching, she just joined in. Sub didn't seem to notice that room was now a bit overcrowded for all paid attendees plus this random woman.

Since then our actual teacher has come back, and this woman just keeps bloody turning up! She'll arrive at the beginning of class, hang around, take a spot, then bugger off when paid women arrive. If the class is full, she'll hang around for the initial "how's everyone feeling?" bit, ask loads of invasive questions of the rest of us, then turn up again after class when everyone goes for a coffee.

She does odd things:
-photographing (extensively) the teacher's baby, who comes along to the class,

-saying things like, "Look, can we do this [discussion] at the end of the class, I need to leave early today?" - for a class she hasn't even bloody signed up for!

  • brought her OH along at some point - again, it's a women's antenatal class, does anyone need to be told that it's a bit off for a bloke to turn up?

At the caff there's more of the same - she plays on her phone incessantly until she wants to ask something about [random topic pulled from thin air], when she'll happily interrupt the rest of us to say, "Oh, but what do people think about [random topic]?" Given that the rest of us were happily discussing local nurseries/parks the minute before, we typically just mumble something neutral about fox hunting (it really is as random as that), then change the subject. And on it goes. Plus endless requests for advice about her relationship issues, but if one of us tries to engage with her about that/offer an opinion, she snaps.

It sounds nuts, but I'm now totally on edge at other points in the week, because I feel like this shouldn't be allowed to carry on. I'm waiting for the teacher to properly turn her away instead on letting this go on. I can't take another 20 weeks of this but I really like the class and don't want to cancel just because of her.

I started off thinking that she just needed a bit of support etc, but actually now in my mind she is Antenatal Cheeky Fucker. AIBU?

OP posts:
MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 11/08/2017 12:47

I've no idea if she's paying

And that is the crux of the matter. You have no idea about any of this and have made it into a big thing when really it's none of your business.

Maybe you've read one too many Cheeky Fucker threads op?

CardiffSpecialSundae · 11/08/2017 12:48

Vlad I agree but the rest of us are using it to bond, make friends, share concerns etc and we are having to do that around her. She doesn't join in, head down on phone until she's ready to pipe up about the next batshit thing.

OP posts:
PinkHeart5911 · 11/08/2017 12:49

The teacher is allowing her to stay Confused 😂 It doesn't make any sense.

CardiffSpecialSundae · 11/08/2017 12:51

moving deffo didn't pay to begin with, and definitely not buying classes from the group on fb. She seems to turn up and take her chances - if she paid she wouldn't bugger off when a paid member of the class turned up, she'd have a spot.

OP posts:
SapphireStrange · 11/08/2017 12:55

Just talk to the teacher. I don't get why you haven't already, but then TBH I don't know why the teacher hasn't put a stop to it; is she generally a pushover?

I've never met a yoga teacher who's let people disrupt and control a class and I'm not very impressed with her class management.

As a student, I would be very unimpressed if a teacher let someone manipulate class timings, bring their male partner to a women's class etc.

Speak up, OP!

notevernotnevernotnohow · 11/08/2017 13:04

How awful is the teacher if she just lets randoms in to hang around without paying, and says nothing?

Sounds like a very badly run thing and an ineffective teacher. As well as lily livered attendees who refuse to say anything to anyone about it all!

JennyOnAPlate · 11/08/2017 13:05

Is she a friend of the teacher or something? I don't get why she hasn't been asked to leave!

MargaretTwatyer · 11/08/2017 13:08

How do you know she hasn't made some sort of arrangement with the teacher?

The rest of it just sounds like you're being nasty because she's not your cup of tea.

Raver84 · 11/08/2017 13:10

Why does it bother you so much? So what if she hasn't paid how on earth does this affect you exactly? Why look her up on Facebook? To prove what?

If you don't want to talk to her then just don't . You sound quite a clique in all your bonding with other mums. I don't really see why you don't like her that much tbh she just sounds lonley. As for invasive questions just wait until after you've had the baby and people openly share the most intimate details of birth with you on first meeting at baby groups without any prompting whatsoever.

GreenTulips · 11/08/2017 13:11

It's not a case of being nasty though is it?

She shouldn't be there - and the hanging about for coffee is strange!

I'd speak to the teacher - maybe send an email of you can't face speaking to her

Anecdoche · 11/08/2017 13:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LetsSplashMummy · 11/08/2017 13:14

This is your own doing, she asked specifically if she needed to book and you just mumbled and said talk to the sub teacher. That's ridiculous, it gives the impression none of you booked or know what you are doing either.

If you need a British awkward way to get out of this mess then ask her if she has had any trouble with the booking system this week - say you couldn't sign in or something. If she isn't booking or paying, you need to speak up and say it isn't a drop in class. She doesn't know. If she doesn't care after someone has actually said something then she is a CF, not before - she actually asked you!

Other things are just personality clashes, magnified as the rest of the class are so meek and awkward. You'll have that at all baby groups/classes, you need to learn to handle it.

As a general life rule, if something bothers you either speak up or let it go - stewing about it is a waste of energy.

CardiffSpecialSundae · 11/08/2017 13:15

Not a friend of the teacher jenny, teacher looked as confused as the rest of us when she came back and found this woman in her class.

Possibly margaret, but I (and others, there has been a bit of chat about her) just find her really odd. I understand that there are people out there with social anxiety etc, but it only seems to manifest in a way that's favourable to her. And yes I'm angry at booking in advance, waiting for a spot etc when she just turns up and somehow styles it out.

OP posts:
CardiffSpecialSundae · 11/08/2017 13:23

Why look her up on Facebook?

I haven't! There's a group for the class on fb, if someone can't attend they ask if anyone else wants it, and people respond on there. If she'd been doing that she wouldn't turn up, take a spot, then leave when an actual attendee turns up.

There's no cliquiness, we don't exclude her mybe that's the problem despite the odd behaviour.

OP posts:
RhubardGin · 11/08/2017 13:23

If the teacher is allowing this to happen shouldnt your anger be directed towards her?

You don't know if the woman has paid. You don't know if she hasn't been informed that it's a paid class.

Speak up if it's bothering you so much.

WineAndTiramisu · 11/08/2017 13:27

So essentially she turns up, and if there's a free mat because someone hasn't turned up, she uses it, but if they're all full she leaves? Definitely sounds like she knows she's being cheeky!

Other option is to go somewhere else for coffee afterwards lol

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 11/08/2017 13:28

I think you need to separate out the two issues

  • she's coming along to a pre booked event and doesn't appear to be paying/queuing in line with everyone else
  • she's intrusive and changes the dynamic of the class

The first - you can (and should) speak to the teacher. Imagine if you're next on the waiting list and can't get in cos she plonks herself there. But maybe as someone else said, she has booked but not via Facebook. But you can only raise your concern via the teacher

Secondly - well if she loiters and comes to the cafe afterwards I guess she'd do that even if she didn't make it to the class? How much do you want to avoid her? And what does the rest of the class think?

Jux · 11/08/2017 13:29

Why on earth aren't you asking the teacher when the teacher arrives and before the class actually starts? If it's a paid for class then it's easy, surely? 9 of you on fb, 9 mats out. If you're all feeling the same way about this woman then just get together and talk to thet eacher "we all paid for this,she is interrupting and spoiling it". I expect the teacher allows it because she thinks you all OK with it.

Deal with it like adults.

CardiffSpecialSundae · 11/08/2017 13:34

So essentially she turns up, and if there's a free mat because someone hasn't turned up, she uses it, but if they're all full she leaves?

Yes!

I don't want to change cafes etc. Doesn't come across on here, but I'm not a "mean girls" type. If she wants to turn up to a public space along with the rest of us I really don't think it's my place to make her feel not welcome. The class, absolutely. If she paid and did all the other random shit she does, I'd just think that was her, so be it. But everything together drives me spare.

OP posts:
giveki · 11/08/2017 13:34

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

RhubardGin · 11/08/2017 13:44

OP why don't you just speak to the teacher?

Maybe the woman is a cheeky cow but if the teacher is allowing this behaviour it's the teacher you should be annoyed at.

fairypuff · 11/08/2017 14:01

She obviously knows she's in the wrong if she gets up and leaves to allow someone else to have a space so it seems she is being a total chancer. It sounds like you are too polite to say anything to her so, in your shoes, I would either message the teacher via the FB page or go early and speak to her before a class and voice your concerns then.

Hissy · 11/08/2017 14:03

Someone has to pull up their big arsed maternity pants and actually ASK her

'Sorry, has someone spoken to you about how you sign up to the block of sessions? you need to speak to the teacher to get your block bought and reserved like we do, it's not possible to float about in the hope that there's a space'

'You're welcome to come to the cafe, of course, but the yoga is a paid for activity. Have you joined the FB group, that's how you can negotiate a swap when a free space comes up'

come on.... sort this out! :-)

Hissy · 11/08/2017 14:04

Being 'too polite' is the problem here!

DearMrDilkington · 11/08/2017 14:09

Wait, you don't even know for sure that she doesn't pay?

What's the issue? Why are you getting so stressed about something that is such a non-issue?