to ask if you have a child who has recently turned 21 or will be this year what are you buying them?

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21 year old DD wants a car. Not just any car but a brand new car. No chance whatsoever BUT so many of her friends have been given a brand new car by their parents. It seems to be the norm amongst her friends. Its unthinkable to us as we couldn't even dream of being able to afford it. I wish we could, but we can't.

Thanks x

I don't buy my kids anything. I give them money and they spend it on whatever they want.
My son is 21 soon, I will give him whatever I can afford (probably about £50) and his dad will do the same. He will go out and buy himself some stuff - probably some new clothes, maybe some aftershave and hairstuff and that will be his birthday present.
He does have a driving licence, however he has decided not to get a car because he can't afford to run it at the moment. Public transport and the occassional can gets him wherever he needs to be.
My older son went out and brought himself a car as soon as he passed his test and it got him into a spiral of debt that took him about 5 years to get out of. He now can afford a new car, and has said he will never buy 2nd hand again.

DS started going on about a car for his 18th. I shut him down super quickly by asking him what he wanted (a second hand BMW) ) and then to get an insurance quotation. The annual premium was more than the car. Oh how I laughed, and he hasn't raised it since. It's not happening for his 21st either. I told the family to give him cash for his 18th, and to specifically mark it for his 'car fund'.

We gave him a very nice watch for his 18th, I expect we'll make a donation to his car fund for his 21st - but definitely not the actual car. DH has a good job, and we probably could afford to, but it's the principle of the thing. Too much too young never did anybody any good.

I never ask any of my dc's what they want.

So how do you know what to buy them?

Yes I wondered that

We have always bought DCs cars / motorbikes etc as / when they needed them. Not new though, just reliable and cheap to insure. 18th / 21st Birthday presents have included MacBooks / IPhones / bags etc

For my 21st I don't think I got anything more than I would usually have received for a birthday which was £100 in cash to use as I wished. And I was happy with that: it's just another age and I knew my parents were being as generous as they could be.

My ds passed his test last year when he was 20. He got his car through marmalade (insurance for young drivers) he pays £149 a month, he can afford it as he is working and has no other debts, his first years insurance was free. He does have to have a black box in the car, and they do monitor it, I believe he's a better driver because of it. For his 21st the family all put together and sent him and his girlfriend to Rome for the weekend, they had a fantastic time

My 18th birthday present (35 years ago) cost £30 max. I didn't get anything special for my 21st. I can't remember ANYONE I knew being given a car.

Thanks everyone, I'm glad it isn't just me who thinks this isn't the norm. Although, I met two of DD's friends yesterday, lovely girls and both received new cars for their 21st. I don't know what their parents do, both are friends with DD through school so state school rather than private. DD refers to them as 'minted'.

Surprised so many do both 18th and 21st as big celebrations - surely it's one or the other. My daughter had a good Bernina sewing machine for her 21st (textiles student, her choice), 11 years later it's still going strong, son a digital slr camera, younger son 21 later this year has yet to decide.

Brand new car lol. Bloody hell, I imagine she also thinks you'll be paying for the insurance of that too?

I would buy something that will last.
we bought jewellery for both our DD 's

DS had a uni skiing trip for his 21st present .

My youngest had an iPhone and a coat he wanted. The grandparents bought him an engraved tankard, a watch and cufflinks.

The eldest opted for a trip to London, with hotel stay and we all went to see Book of Mormon. 😁

My DD will be 21 later this year. She asked for a £200 bracelet, which she will get and a meal out with the immediate family, her boyfriend and two friends of the family. As that would probably cost another £200 I told her I'll cook a three course meal of her choosing and have them all round for dinner.

I'm 48, I got a small piece of jewellery from my mum and dad. It means the world to me, especially as I've lost one parent and the other is in very poor health. Cash and flash trips and a car will soon be replaced and forgotten. 21 is for something special, sentimental and long lasting. That's the normal in my family.

Nice piece of Gold jewllery, nice watch, theatre, spa day. Forget the car, if she wants one, she can save or work for it like any other adult. Welcome to adulthood.

I used to go to a private school, but I was on scholarship, so had some of my fees paid. A lot of girls were from very rich homes, one girl got a shiny new BMW for her 18th birthday, she wrapped it round a tree and it was a write off. Your not rich, and cannot afford a new car for her, and even if you could, I would not. If you want, you can take her out to dinner, and give her say £300 or whatever you can afford cash, to help save up for a car or whatever.

I got a lovely watch from my parents for my 21st.

However, my flat overlooks my neighbour's garden and last Friday I got up to see a brand new Range Rover in their garden with a red bow on it! I was talking to them in passing this week and mentioned it and it was their DD's 21st & Graduation present. Neighbour said they'd done it for all 3 of their kids. So if you can afford it go for it.

But Ditsy, op can't, even if I could, I would not! How are they going to learn the value of money if its given to them. And as a lot of people have said, a car will be gone in a few years, but you will always have a special bit of jewllery to remember your parents by.

Buy what you can afford. Some of dds friends have had cars for their 18th, one of her friends has a new car, doesn't have to work as she gets a very generous allowance and had all her holiday and spending money paid by her parents (dd has to work part time to pay for her holiday). Ours had some money from grandparent's, some from us (about £250 and then I bought her lots of bits to open ) which she used to buy a second hand car.
Ds got his when he was 21 and has used it for travelling as he has no interest in driving or buying a keep sake.

I got a car for my 18th & then another one on my 21st. I hate people spending money on me though, & felt awful my parents spending so much, but they insisted.

I think a piece of engraved jewellery or something with a lot of sentimental value is the way to go. I also got an engraved trinket box from my parents, which I treasure & know I will for many more years than the cars.

I treat it as any other birthday in terms of spending about 50 on each child. That's plenty from my point of view.