to ask if you have a child who has recently turned 21 or will be this year what are you buying them?

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21 year old DD wants a car. Not just any car but a brand new car. No chance whatsoever BUT so many of her friends have been given a brand new car by their parents. It seems to be the norm amongst her friends. Its unthinkable to us as we couldn't even dream of being able to afford it. I wish we could, but we can't.

Thanks x

I got bugger all for my 21st (or my 18th), so surely anything is better than nothing?

A racing bike. Although could have bought a smallish car for the price.

I had a plan over the past few years which to pass DHs Rolex down to him go his 21st, and for DH to buy a new one for himself (which would then be passed down to ds2), and again for DS3. I thought it was a lovely idea that they would each have their dads watch. We couldn't afford it though as it turned out!

Our gift to them is not expecting them to look after us in old age! Have warned dc's that a car is not something we will be buying them.

DS will be 21 later this year and I have no idea what to get him - he will doubtless say he doesn't know what he wants if I ask him too. He will be away at Uni. He definitely won't be getting a brand new car! We did give him a lump sum (from a savings policy we set up for him) for his 18th so won't be splashing out a huge amount.

One thing we are planning on doing is some sort of photo album/book of photos from his childhood to adulthood. A conversation with one of my brothers made me think of this when my brother said he had no photos of himself (or me and other DB) as achild as when he left home at 18 he didn't take any pictures with him.

I got a 15 yr old car that my mum didn't want anymore and a big plastic silver coloured key which is the traditional 21st birthday gift sold in card shops as you now have 'the key to the world'.

Urgh what a horrible pressure on parents to have to buy a CAR for a child's 21st. About 3 or 4 (young) people I know, had their parents buy them cars, but this is not the reality for many.

For my 2, we paid for them to learn to drive. Cost maybe £500 to £600 each, (over 6 to 8 months,) and we spent about a couple of hundred each on gifts on the day too. They had a big party with their mates, which they and all their mates chipped in for.

But a car? No. No chance.

It's an unreasonable request and very grabby.

When I was growing up in the 70's and 80's, I didn't know a SOUL whose parents bought them a car for their 21st. Except one man I knew (in the early 1990's,) who owned a company, employing 50 people, bought his one daughter (an only child,) a brand new car for the 21st.

But this was the only one I knew of. Everyone else bought their own car (and paid for their own driving lessons!)

Your daughter can do the same. And I am willing to bet it is not the 'norm' for all her friends to have their parents buy a car for them. I bet there are more who have not had their parents buy them a car.

My son will be 21 in February and I expect he'll want money to travel.

Two girls on our small close had brand new Fiat 500s (or, according to our 17 year old, "Daddy buys me everything" cars) parked on their drives on their 17th birthdays, ready for when they'd passed their tests. Two other had cars, not brand new but just a couple of years old, bought for them as soon as they'd passed their tests.

My older daughter was 20 recently and we have started to think about what to do for her 21st. For her 18th she had an iPhone and a MacBook. She has a summer birthday so they doubled as going off to university presents.

A number of her friends were given cars for their 18th, though I don't think any of them were new. One of her old primary school friends was given a brand new car for her 17th though. Madness, in my view.

Daughter's 21st will be soon after her graduation. We will probably get something like a nice piece of jewellery to keep, and then help with any expenses involved in moving away from home (rent deposit etc).

We're also thinking about a party, especially as she didn't have one for her 18th.

I got a few books for my 21st. Absolutely nothing special, but then I did get married that year and my parents paid for it. Wasn't a lavish wedding, cost maybe 2 grand tops (150 ish guests so pretty big.. and most are big eaters due to sports players etc).
I've watched my friends have lavish 21st presents though. It sucks when they're able to afford it but you can't but oh well. Just have to deal with it. It's not really bothered me coz I've always understood my parents couldn't afford it.

Special presents are slightly of my remit...for my oldest I spent my usual budgeted amount but bought 20 smaller presents lots of them "useful" stuff) and a really lovely watch (was about £60) that she wears all the time.
Next one turns 21 this year...not sure he'll be bothered about 21 gifts
so will just consult with him nearer the time.
Don't overspend though, seriously.

Slightly out of*

My 21st wasn't too long ago actually and I can't even remember what I got! Probably some item of clothing I had my eye on. I don't think anyone I knew got a 'new' new car for their birthday, do you live in quite an affluent area?

I gave my son €200.Its all I could afford.So he was happy enough with that.

It's not just the expense of a car either, the insurance for 21 year olds is cripplingly expensive.

I am 24 so my 21st wasn't that long ago. My parents got me a lovely silver opal ring that I chose, it cost about £100 and they probably would have spent more if I'd asked for something else but that was what I wanted. For my graduation a few months later they bought me earrings and a necklace to match and I wear them every day that I am not at work (I'm a nanny and my nanny kids like to pull on jewellery).

Surely you buy them nothing. Adults don't acknowledge birthdays on Mumsnet

God it sounds so entitled. No wonder millenials get a bad name. I never ask any of my dc's what they want.

My DD is getting an iphone7 with 2 year unlimited contract (£40 per month) on us.

She's happy with that and no more "mum can I have extra data please?". She's at uni.

I got a mug saying '21' and a bottle of Famous Grouse when I turned 21.

For my DD 18th I got her a really nice Fossil watch and had it engraved on the back.
Rose gold as that's what she likes.

If she wants a car though could people just give her money?
Has she been driving long?
Does she currently have a working car?

A brand new car? Fuck I thought I had an amazing 21st - I got £1,000

Although I did get my mums beat up old car when she got a new one. Did me another 8 years that car, it just keept on going and going and going.

Perhaps if we hadn't been supporting DS financially through uni we would have been able to afford to get him a car! As it is he already gets a couple of thousand from us a year for his rent so we were able to get him something he could keep but that wasn't terribly expensive. Just asked him what his friends got and apparently either some money or jewellery/cufflinks/watch kind of thing. Certainly no cars!

To be fair, if it's on finance it won't feel like a huge expense even if it's costly in the long run. A well-chosen new car will be safer than an old banger, though not safer than a recent used car, and possibly more reliable too. Still, OP's DD is being unreasonable to expect one.

DD is 19 this year and had a second hand car for her 18th - no way would she have expected a new one and part of the deal was that she would help with school runs etc when she could! I am expecting some sort of holiday or designer item for her 21st