To think it was unfair for this guy to lead me on?

[marmiteisgod]

I went to an open mic night last night and as I was at the bar I was approached by a man who said he'd seen me before, turns out he had, I work in a local shop and h'ed been in a few times. We got chatting, flirting etc, and then went back to our respective groups.

He came over a further two times to talk to me, was really laying it on thick. Just as I was about to ask him out, he drops in that he's married. At first I thought I misinterpreted the situation but both my male & female friend assured me he was definitely trying it on.

So nothing happened, he wasn't interested in an affair. I'm assuming he just got a kick out of knowing he could still flirt with someone. But I'm quite miffed. I know some people think its fine to flirt but I feel like he unfairly led me on over a number of hours. AIBU?

I think sometimes people don't realise that they are flirting though

Define 'laying it on thick'.

@Flatt7 Touching me, complimenting me, generally being very flirty in conversation

Sounds like being married isn't necessarily a deal-breaker for him (urgh)

Maybe he just wanted to talk to you as a friend and you've interpreted it wrong?

Some people, including married/attached people, are quite flirty and don't mean anything by it.

I would have my guard up more if I were you. It would take a lot more than a bit of flirting (even laying it on thick) over one evening for me to think that someone was interested in me.

I get why you are miffed but I really hate this idea of 'leading people on' - no one owes anyone anything and a nice chat/flirt can be just that, you enjoyed the chat and i am not sure why a nice few hours of fun with a chap whose company you enjoyed is not OK.

Sounds like being married isn't necessarily a deal-breaker for him (urgh)

How do you work that out?

He was a bit flirty and then didn't take it any further, telling her that he was married.

The OP says he was "very flirty in conversation". But that's very subjective.

My friend is the most outrageous flirt. Until she actually tried to flirt and then Shen is terrible at it!

He might have been a cheating tide but he might have just been flirty in demeanour.

Some people are just flirty by nature without even realising it. He didn't ask you out or try to kiss you?

@QueenofallIsee don't get me wrong, I know he doesnt owe me anyhing, I just don't really get the motive. It wasn't just one short chat but a sustained effort over the evening. Felt like when he'd had enough that's when he dropped in about being married

Or maybe you completely misinterpreted the situation?

Are you sure he wasn't just being a friendly guy? Sometimes men/woman have no idea that they're coming accross as flirty!

Sorry but I think you've misread the situation

Maybe he told you he was married because he could sense that you were going to ask him out and he realised he must have given you the wrong impression?

Maybe he told you he was married because he could sense that you were going to ask him out and he realised he must have given you the wrong impression?

This 100%^

He might have just been being friendly and that's just his way. Or maybe hes just a naturally flirtatious person. Agree with the poster who said he probably told you he was married because he sensed you were getting the wrong idea. If you flirted back he was probably just enjoying a flirt. I don't think he did anything wrong to be honest. I wouldn't worry about it anymore though if you had only just met and not likely to keep seeing him.

Agree with the above. Im a natural flirt too, so would mention I'm happily attached to clarify I'm not up for it. I don't think it's leading someone on.

Previous posters seem to be ignoring the part of the OP where the OP wondered if s/he was misinterpreting the bloke's behaviour and her two friends said no; they were convinced that the bloke was interested. If all three of you thought he was coming on to you, OP, then it's not you: it's him!

Are you currently craving a relationship?

they were convinced that the bloke was interested. If all three of you thought he was coming on to you, OP, then it's not you: it's him!

HER friends. They don't even know the guy.

Maybe they were just massaging OP's ego?

Or maybe his friends pointed out he was coming across as flirting with you, hence the reason he dropped in he was married. Sort of to put you at ease.

I do t understand the big deal? You had a chat he made sure you knew he was married so as not to lead you on.

Where's the harm?

Some people don't realise they're flirting.

Utter utter bollocks. They know exactly what they're doing.

Sounds like he changed his mind, and told you he was married because he either didn't want to take you home or found someone else he preferred instead. Happens a lot. Move on.

So maybe I am being a bit unreasonable. But I don't think I misinterpreted the situation as he was complimenting my appearance and making suggestive remarks. Also as I said before, he had his hand on me on more than one occasion

Many years ago I commuted on the bus to work. I noticed an attractive young guy giving me the eye a few times, and one day he took the seat next to mine.

We got on well and had few conversations. At one point however he casually mentioned his live in girlfriend.

I was disappointed but I interpreted it as he was attracted to me, just not in a position to pursue anything, and maybe if the situation had been different we may have dated. We stayed bus friends until I started driving.

I don't think you misinterpreted it all, especially if your friends agreed he was giving the come on! I suspect he was attracted to you but had a sudden "uh oh" reality check.