Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Constant text messages

52 replies

zukiecat · 10/08/2017 17:03

Ok, so DD2 has been very mentally unwell these past few months, she's been in hospital five times since the middle of June, which has been a nightmare, I'm a single parent and don't really have much support in anything, I just have to get on with it

My problem is, and I don't know if I'm being an ungrateful, selfish antisocial cow, but I have one friend who texts me every single day to ask how we are. Now it's lovely that she is concerned, and I get that, I really do, but I get very tired easily as I also have health issues. I always answer the texts, but she can start at say 1pm, and at 8pm she's still texting me, I just find it all a bit too much, sometimes I just want to sit, to read a book, watch to, or just have some simple quiet time to myself.

If I don't answer within 20 minutes I get a flurry of texts asking where I am, what am I doing, am I ok, and it's all just too much sometimes

I work part time, and if I say I'm off to work, there's always texts from her waiting for me at teabreak time

Am I just being a total cow here, but I don't want texts every single day although I do appreciate her concern, she's the kind that takes offence easily and will fly off the handle if I tell her not to text maybe quite so often

What should I do please?

OP posts:
user1471517900 · 10/08/2017 17:04

Just only reply when you can or have time. Its fairly simple.

StillGotTheTreeUp · 10/08/2017 17:06

I have a friend like this and we've recently had a massive falling out over it.

Will watch this thread with interest. Sorry I have no words of advice op!

Original poster
zukiecat · 10/08/2017 17:07

I've tried that user but my phone constantly pings with more messages from her, I can't get one day's peace from it all

OP posts:
KimmySchmidt1 · 10/08/2017 17:07

She sounds bored AF! Everyone is absolutely entitled to reply to such solicitous texts as and when they feel like it. if you don't reply and she bugs you, just reply "nothing to report here" and that will close it down.

Tannyfastic · 10/08/2017 17:08

I would reply with things like 'thanks for your text, we are fine, catch up tomorrow'
Start introducing longer and longer gaps.

'Speak next week'
Change it about by giving her a call or leaving a voicemail 'too busy to text, calling to say hi quickly'

Take back control.

Original poster
zukiecat · 10/08/2017 17:09

Thanks for the replies everyone

Good advice here, and I'll try it and see what happens

OP posts:
ModerateBecomingGoodLater · 10/08/2017 17:11

Ask her to use a message app like WhatsApp which you can mute.

Only check it when you want to interact.

Papafran · 10/08/2017 17:12

How annoying. I don't think she is really thinking about you- seems more about her. I would stop replying, maybe send one text in the evening saying thanks for thinking about us, been a busy day and haven't had my phone on me, see you soon.

Farmerswife4life1984 · 10/08/2017 17:15

I have a friend exactly like this . She just texts and texts and texts . Drives me potty . Sometimes I'm frightened to reply because I know when I do the texts won't stop

MachineBee · 10/08/2017 17:15

I was going to say put phone on silent, but I guess you need to hear if it's your DD calling/texting.

If it gets too bad, another option is to buy a cheap phone to use for important stuff and put the one she texts you on silent. They just look at when you are ready.

Original poster
zukiecat · 10/08/2017 17:17

That's exactly how I feel Farmers!

It's just endless, she's texting me right now, and I've just given very short answers, so we'll see if that works

OP posts:
AllToadsLeadToHome · 10/08/2017 17:24

Just reply and say you are busy or very tired and would like to rest so could she wait until she hears from you before sending any more texts.

Slimthistime · 10/08/2017 17:26

why on earth don't you just tell her it's too much and you feel overwhelmed?

Aquamarine1029 · 10/08/2017 17:28

OP, just stop fiddle fucking around. Tell your friend that the constant texting is more than you can handle. Tell her that you're done for the day and you'll get back to her tomorrow, the next day, whatever. The fact is, if she really is a true friend, she will understand. If she kicks off and acts like a child, you'll know right away who to stop wasting your emotional energy on.

Mulberry72 · 10/08/2017 17:28

Do you have an iPhone? Use the Do Not Disturb function in the settings. That way the messages will arrive but you won't know about it until the morning.

As long as your DD's number is in your favourites then her calls/texts will arrive normally.

I have it set from 9pm to 7am and it works brilliantly.

Aquamarine1029 · 10/08/2017 17:29

Also, with all that you are going through, you must take care of your own mental well-being. Being hounded by unwanted texts is very stressful.

SeaCabbage · 10/08/2017 17:32

Even short answers are giving her attention and showing you are there.

What is she texgting about? Is it chit chat? Asking about your DD or what?

I think you should reply to the first one of the day saying something like, busy day today, will contact you when I'm free. Then contact her in the evening. If you want to. Don't if you don't.

And yes ask her to use whatsapp.

pilates · 10/08/2017 17:33

Just be honest and say you really appreciate her concern but are finding the excessive texts wearing and sometimes with all the stress going on in your life, you just want some quiet time.

ImperialBlether · 10/08/2017 17:37

I hope your daughter gets better soon. It must be incredibly stressful for you.

Regarding this woman, can you set a do not disturb on her, as a pp suggested? If you do answer, say, "All ok, just about to have a nap" or "All ok, won't be around much this afternoon as busy with jobs in the house" etc.

I'd be reluctant to piss her off as I think you need friends at the moment, but I wouldn't answer every single text, either.

badbadhusky · 10/08/2017 17:39

I would tell her that, whilst you appreciate her support, her level of interest, the volume of her texts and expectations about speed & regularity of response are overwhelming you and that you need to focus your time & energy on your daughter's needs. If her motivation is supporting you, she'll step back or ease up. If she keeps pushing, you'll know she is more motivated by her own neediness & interests - and you can step back accordingly.

badbadhusky · 10/08/2017 17:41

Xposted with pilates

Original poster
zukiecat · 10/08/2017 17:42

Thanks everyone

I don't want to piss her off but just want to have some quiet time!

I didn't know about the Do Not Disturb thing, certainly try that too.

OP posts:
Slimthistime · 10/08/2017 17:47

Aqua "stop fiddle fucking around"

excellent phrase, permission to borrow? Grin

Gottagetmoving · 10/08/2017 17:49

Please remember that a text is not a summons and it is not the same as having someone talking to you in the same room. Ignoring someone in your company is rude, not reading a text and responding immediately is not.
You are not responsible for how she feels if she doesn't hear from you immediately and you don't really need to explain.
If asked, just say you were busy or if you reply just text to say you will be busy all day.

badbadhusky · 10/08/2017 17:52

You seem like a very kind, considerate person. Your friend's bombardment doesn't show much sensitivity to your feelings. Just take care that, in not pissing her off, you don't disregard your own, equally legitimate feelings.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.