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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask him to stay awake?

57 replies

Rainraingoawayagain · 10/08/2017 14:48

My DH naps for 4 hours everyday (not on weekends) and it's getting on my nerves!
I tried telling him I don't like it but he does it anyway and I don't like being a nag so gave up trying to keep him up. He Work's 5am to 2.30pm mon- fri.aibu to ask him to spend time with me and his child ? Relationship is fine in all other ways just wish he would make a little effort. I wouldn't mind a couple of times a week but it's daily. He has no health problems.

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Sofabitch · 10/08/2017 14:51

When does he fit in a 4 hour nap?

Im guessing to start work at that time he must be leaving the hoyse aroubd 4.30am.. getting up about 4am? That's pretty early.

I think I'd probably rather nap than go to bed at 8pm. But I guess hes always done that.

ButchyRestingFace · 10/08/2017 14:52

So how many hours does he sleep in total?

Is it 8 hours plus a 4 hour nap?

Or 2 x 4 hour slots?

If the latter, I wouldn't class that as "napping."

YNBU to want him to spend time with his family though.

littlemisssweetness · 10/08/2017 14:52

What time do you guys go to bed at night? What time does he have to get up/leave the house?

LagunaBubbles · 10/08/2017 14:54

Well of course yanbu if you would like to spend more time together but he obviously needs his sleep. When is he sleeping?

HarrietKettleWasHere · 10/08/2017 14:56

Dépends on how much overall sleep he gets. Although anything over two hours is a 'sleep' rather than a 'nap' in my book.

Original poster
Rainraingoawayagain · 10/08/2017 14:57

Wakes up 5am in work by 5.30am gets home at 2.30pm then naps until 6.30pm Monday to Friday

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Original poster
Rainraingoawayagain · 10/08/2017 14:58

We go to bed at a reasonable time around 10pm.

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MarmaladeIsMyJam · 10/08/2017 14:58

What time does he go to bed?

MarmaladeIsMyJam · 10/08/2017 14:59

Sorry x post

squoosh · 10/08/2017 14:59

So he's in work for 5am so gets up at 3am maybe, going to bed at 10pm? And has a 4 hr nap in the afternoon as well as that?

Is there any chance he could find a job with more sociable hours?

squoosh · 10/08/2017 15:00

Ah so he sleeps from 10pm to 5am. So that's 7 hours and then has a mega 4 hr afternoon sleep too? Sounds excessive. Doesn't sound like his body is built for such early starts.

caffeinestream · 10/08/2017 15:02

Is his health okay? I don't think it's normal for a healthy adult to need 7 hours sleep, plus a four hour nap on a daily basis.

Original poster
Rainraingoawayagain · 10/08/2017 15:03

He's struggling I think but won't leave the job for own reasons and I understand that just fed up of waiting for him to get up every day

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Original poster
Rainraingoawayagain · 10/08/2017 15:03

Health is good

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squoosh · 10/08/2017 15:04

Yeah I'd be pissed of too with him spending every afternoon sleeping.

ButchyRestingFace · 10/08/2017 15:08

Is his health okay? I don't think it's normal for a healthy adult to need 7 hours sleep, plus a four hour nap on a daily basis.

Would be lovely though. Grin

Maybe his body clock just isn't set for such an early rise?

Original poster
Rainraingoawayagain · 10/08/2017 15:08

Glad I'm not the only one so hard to change something that's been his routine for so many years maybe it's time to bring it up again.

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KimmySchmidt1 · 10/08/2017 15:11

4 hours is not a nap. Can he nap for 90 mins, then get up, and go to bed at 9.30 instead?

Negotiation of that ilk is probably your best bet.

caffeinestream · 10/08/2017 15:11

Would be lovely though. Grin

Definitely!

He's opting out. If he's tired, he can go to bed earlier in the evenings, but it's not fair on him to spend every afternoon in bed and effectively leave you to solo parent! He should want to spend time with his child, surely?

Could you try going out and leaving DC with him, so he doesn't have a choice but to stay up? Not ideal everyday, but it could force a change in habit?

TheWitchwithNoName · 10/08/2017 15:12

Can you ask him to cut it down to a couple of hours?

ninjapants · 10/08/2017 15:14

My DH goes through phases of taking long naps, but he suffers from depression. Any chance your DH may have some underlying condition he's not fully aware of? How is he when he's not working/napping?

Fwiw I work shifts but don't feel the need to nap for that long after an early start (not that I get the opportunity!)

Original poster
Rainraingoawayagain · 10/08/2017 15:15

Yea think il ask if he can get up at 5 instead of 6.30pm. See if that'll work.
I have tried before but it slowly went back to 6.30 as he would ignore alarm iv left dc with him before to drop a hint but she ended up napping with him every time lol as she's only little

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Original poster
Rainraingoawayagain · 10/08/2017 15:16

He's very active and happy on weekends so no issue with mental health I think it's just routine for him and the early start

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squoosh · 10/08/2017 15:17

Will he really not look into a job with a later start time?

Original poster
Rainraingoawayagain · 10/08/2017 15:20

He's considered it but the stability of the job is obviously considered. A decision he only can make.

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