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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask him to stay awake?

57 replies

Rainraingoawayagain · 10/08/2017 14:48

My DH naps for 4 hours everyday (not on weekends) and it's getting on my nerves!
I tried telling him I don't like it but he does it anyway and I don't like being a nag so gave up trying to keep him up. He Work's 5am to 2.30pm mon- fri.aibu to ask him to spend time with me and his child ? Relationship is fine in all other ways just wish he would make a little effort. I wouldn't mind a couple of times a week but it's daily. He has no health problems.

OP posts:
Choccyhobnob · 10/08/2017 15:25

Honestly I'd be raging. I HATE it when my DH falls asleep and leaves me to solo parent. Think it's so selfish.

Original poster
Rainraingoawayagain · 10/08/2017 15:28

It feels selfish and I do resent it sometimes when he's snoring away and I'm cooking tea for us all etc but I'm becoming a nag and I don't want to be. He is a lazy person and openly admits it so it's hard for him to see why I get frustrated

OP posts:
squoosh · 10/08/2017 15:28

If he's determined not to change jobs well then he shouldn't be allowed indulge in 4 hour afternoon sleeps.

caffeinestream · 10/08/2017 15:30

It is selfish. Either he keeps his job and stays awake like everyone else, or he admits he can't cope and changes his hours.

Could you force him to stay awake somehow? Arrange to go out after work or for him to take DD out - swimming, toddler group, the park or something?

It sounds like habit, but a bad habit and he needs to change. It's not fair on you or your daughter.

Original poster
Rainraingoawayagain · 10/08/2017 15:33

I try to arrange things like "lets go to the park "
He has a few times but it's rare and he says he's to tired. And if he does stay awake he's miserable because iv made him stay up so I can't win.

OP posts:
caffeinestream · 10/08/2017 15:39

He needs to buck up. He's a parent, he can't just sleep all afternoon and opt out of being there for his child. Lots of people work at 5/6am, and don't spend four hours of their afternoon asleep. He's making excuses.

How old is he?

Original poster
Rainraingoawayagain · 10/08/2017 15:39

Not old 38

OP posts:
Sofabitch · 10/08/2017 15:45

Maybe time for you to get an afternoon job or hobby.

That does seem a lot of sleep.

I think 3p mins to an hour afterwork should easily be enough or he needs to go to bed earlier...like 9pm

Original poster
Rainraingoawayagain · 10/08/2017 15:49

Hi sofabitch I work lol

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Ropsleybunny · 10/08/2017 15:50

Leave him alone, bless him I'd want a nap if I had to get up at that time.

squoosh · 10/08/2017 15:51

Bless him my ass. As a pp said, plenty of people work those hours and manage not to opt out of family life.

Original poster
Rainraingoawayagain · 10/08/2017 15:53

Don't mind the nap it's the amount of hours that he naps

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Sofabitch · 10/08/2017 15:55

I think then YANBU and he is being rather selfish.

Im guessibg hes always done this and before children it wasn't a problem. He will ceel tired for a few weeks if he is used to sleeping at that time. But I'm sure he can adapt to a new routine.

Original poster
Rainraingoawayagain · 10/08/2017 15:56

Fingers crossed he can lower the hours at least without me being a bloody nag

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Original poster
Rainraingoawayagain · 10/08/2017 15:57

Yes always napping

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Copperspot · 10/08/2017 16:02

Wow i was surprised when you said he gets 7 hours PLUS A 4 HOUR NAP!!! Shock

Yes he gets up early but surely most working people are up soon after? I sleep 11-6 on a work night, sometimes 12-6. I would never even consider having a nap! Mainly as i don't get home until 6.30pm anyway....

At a push i could understand him having 30 mins after his tea or something but i would be wondering what was wrong with him if he 'has to' sleep that much

Original poster
Rainraingoawayagain · 10/08/2017 16:05

It's every day too so that no itself is depressing for me lol

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caffeinestream · 10/08/2017 16:16

I thought you were going to say he was older than that - 38?! He's just being a lazy fucker.

peachgreen · 10/08/2017 16:53

He needs to start going to bed earlier. If he's getting up at 5am it's not unreasonable for him to go to bed at 9pm to give him an 8 hour sleep window. Maybe even 8pm depending on how long it takes him to get to sleep and how many hours he needs.

So you're going to lose some time with him either way, but I agree it would be better after DC has gone to bed instead of missing out on a big chunk of 4 hours!

Heroicallylost · 10/08/2017 17:06

So you said he sleeps 10pm-3am, that's 5 hours. Plus a 4 hour nap makes 9 hours all together?

I don't call that excessive, people generally need between 7-9 hours sleep a night don't they? Some naturally need a bit more than others. Having broken sleep - 2 chunks like that - is going to mess with your circadian rhythm and make you more tired than average anyway.

So is it the time of day he's napping that doesn't fit in with your family? Perhaps you need to ask him to go to bed earlier e.g. sleep 8pm -4am if he can speed up his morning routine to make your family time work better? And would give him better quality sleep having one chunk, which will probably improve the amount of deep sleep he's getting (which might allow him to function on more like 7-8 hours a night).

My DH used to work shifts (3pm-midnight) and the amount he used to sleep in the mornings while we had a baby drove me mad, but when I scribbled down his schedule vs mine I found my perception of the amount of sleep he got was off. It's just that he was sleeping at the time when I was up early til lunchtime which I found the most intense time with the baby, and I was resenting him for it.

squoosh · 10/08/2017 17:17

So you said he sleeps 10pm-3am, that's 5 hours. Plus a 4 hour nap makes 9 hours all together?

No she said he sleeps 10pm-5am, plus the 4 hours. 11 hours in total.

ineedaholidaynow · 10/08/2017 17:33

I'm slightly confused as to when he wakes up in the morning and when he starts work, as at one point you say he starts work at 5am and another time he gets up at 5am.

I think if he has to be at work at 5am then I can understand having a nap in the afternoon although maybe not 4 hours.

If you work who looks after your DC in the early afternoon when DH is home asleep? As DH is home every afternoon could he not cook dinner, that would keep him awake!

ColdFeetWarmHeart · 10/08/2017 17:34

No. I wouldn't be having that if I were you. He needs to buck up.

My DH has done early starts for a while. Before DD was born he used to get up at 4.30 for work and was normally home about 3 pm. Most days he would have a nap, but as I didn't get in from work till 6.30 pm it didn't bother me.

DH now gets up at 5.30am every day for work. Has quite a physical job. He gets in about 3/4pm. He might have a nap once a week, but that is on a day that DD is at grandparents and he takes the puppy to a class late in the evening. He doesn't nap when DD is home unless he is unwell. If he's just really tired he will go to bed early, just after DD. His normal bedtime on a weekday is about 10pm so he gets about 7-7.5 hrs sleep a night during the week.

My DH loves his sleep. Absolutely loves it. But there is no way that he would spend 4 hours sleeping on the afternoon instead of playing with DD. He's 2 years older than your partner.

He needs to spend time with you and your child! What does he do after his nap??

Ropsleybunny · 10/08/2017 17:58

If he's that tired then, he needs to see his GP. That seems an awful lot of sleep OP.

Original poster
Rainraingoawayagain · 10/08/2017 20:03

Where did 3am come from
Gets up at 5am in work by 5.30 I did post this lol

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