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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Doctors in one hour, what do I say?

149 replies

PumpernickleInaWarehouse · 10/08/2017 08:08

I have doctors in one hour that the midwife made me book, I strongly suspect I am suffering with PND quite badly, I spent the day yesterday hiding under the covers crying my eyes out and wishing I could run away from my life. I can't cope at all.
I've never been to this doctors before and I suddenly feel so nervous and like I don't know what to say to him....
What if he fobs me off or just says I have baby blues?
What if he goes the other way and reports me to social services?
I just wish this wasn't happening to me.
Im feeling utter hopelessness.

OP posts:

MrsMeeseeks · 10/08/2017 09:00

You're doing the right thing. No-one is going to take your baby away just because you're depressed. Just tell the doctor you feel very low and then leave it to them to ask the questions. This is the hardest bit. You can do it. Big hugs from someone who has been there xxxxx

Foslady · 10/08/2017 09:04

Another one just popping in to say we are with you, and not to be afraid. I suffered for 6 months when I should have gone so much earlier.
((((Hugs)))) - and I don't give a stuff about them being unmumsnetty!

Neutrogena · 10/08/2017 09:14

Tell the truth. If SS get involved (I cannot see they would) it will be to support you. Not take your baby away and put it into care.

Original poster

PumpernickleInaWarehouse · 10/08/2017 09:26

This truly is mumsnet at its absolute best.
There is no way I would be sat in the waiting room now if it hadn't been for all of the responses I got.
This is my third dc and it has hit me bad.
She's now 18 days old but it was mondsy the midwife made me phone doctors.
The crippling anxiety and guilt over absolutely everything is crippling me.
The overwhelming relentlessness and responsibility of it has taken my breath away and is crushing my chest.
I can't believe this is how I feel.
Yesterday I went walking in the rain just sobbing along the street and hoping a car would hit me, not to kill me, just to injure me enough that I had to go hospitsl for a few weeks for a break and so that someome else more capable can look after them how they deserve.
I have a lovely life and lovely family and home etc and it's not enough.....how terrible is that of me to be so fucking unhappy and ungrateful with all I have.
Im only 29 and I feel completly panic stricken at the thought of what if it never gets better and this is my life now... Stuck in eternal misery?

OP posts:

SloanePeterson · 10/08/2017 09:35

29 is so young! I was 26 and with my 2nd dc when i went through this. I'm so glad you've got help quickly. I festered for about a year before realising I couldn't do it anymore. I'm 33 now, had another dc and no issues despite his birth coinciding with a truly horrible life event. Cbt definitely worked for me, and it's given me the tools to deal with some truly shitty things since.

Ceebs85 · 10/08/2017 09:40

You're in the right place OP. If need be you could just read out your update post to the GP. Please update us later xx

DudeHatesHisCarryOut · 10/08/2017 09:42

If you haven't gone in yet, I suggest you have this thread up on your phone and hand it to him. Thinking of you. x

LadyNymeriaGhost · 10/08/2017 09:50

OP, I have had every single one of the thoughts you've just described. Every single one. Including wanting to be admitted to hospital for a break. (I'm also the same age as you, btw )
I've had pnd with both my babies. I'm still in the midst of it right now, with DC2 who is 7wo. But I feel like I'm slowly, slowly climbing out of it. And that's because I asked for help and got some meds. And also in no small part thanks to the support of the wonderful people on here.
All this is to say well done for getting help. Things WILL get better. They will. And in not that much time, now you've gotten support. And keep posting here. We're right there with you.

BitOutOfPractice · 10/08/2017 09:58

Another one saying a massive well done for going to the docs. I hope it's the first step on the path to being better.

PovertyJetset · 10/08/2017 10:04

I went to the gps recently about some work stress and I barely opened my mouth and sobbed, have himmthis nonsensical string of words.

He gave me a tissue, moved a tiny bit closer and said in the nicest voice. "Lets try that again, I'm listening"

And through my sobs I got my worries out and he sat and nodded and listened and handed me more tissues and it was probably the most therapeutic 10 minutes of my life.

They have seen it all before and then some.

Well done for being brave and getting the help you need.

CoffeeAndCupcakes85 · 10/08/2017 10:06

Well done for making the decision to speak to a GP. I hope it goes well. As others have said, you really are not alone and many many women feel this way. Please just keep talking to those around you and your doctor and take whatever help you can. Good luck x

mikeyssister · 10/08/2017 10:08

How wonderful for you that you have an attentive midwife. I had PND after #4 and because I left it too long it probably took longer to cure (well in my opinion).

Within a year I absolutely felt 100% better and haven't looked back since (she's now 13). I always feel PND is different to 'normal' depression because it's driven by the chemical / hormonal changes in your body due to pregnancy. By acting now you will, with the right supports, look back in a short period of time and realise that you are enjoying life and enjoying all your DC.

KitKat1985 · 10/08/2017 10:10

Oh OP I really feel for you. I felt like this after my first but wasn't brave enough to seek help. I wish with hindsight I had. It would have really made such a difference I think to how I look back on her baby days. I hope the appointment goes well. I'm sure the GP will be really sympathetic. xxx

TiredMumToTwo · 10/08/2017 10:10

Well done for getting yourself down there. Going to the GP (after my Mum suggested it) was the best thing I have ever done when I was suffering with depression and my baby was 4 months old. You will be believed and supported, hope it went well.

WishUponAStar88 · 10/08/2017 10:14

Well done for going to the appointment op, I hope you have a kind gp

Pumperthepumper · 10/08/2017 10:15

My GP was amazing, really lovely, patient and kind. I actually felt better just after speaking to him. It will pass, it will get better.

IamaBluebird · 10/08/2017 10:17

I hope all goes well and you feel better soon. It's really good that you are looking for some help

hoochymama1 · 10/08/2017 10:25

Well done Pumpernickel you brave woman have a lovely restful day

LuLuuuuuuu · 10/08/2017 10:28

Awww Sweetheart .

It likely is PND (I had that for six long months , it did go) and no they won't deem you a bad parent or ring the SS . You are doing the RIGHT thing , , try not to worry ,

ghostyslovesheets · 10/08/2017 10:31

oh poor you OP - it's horrible isn't it - but it does get better x

You've done the hard bit - keep talking x

ASDismynormality · 10/08/2017 10:35

You're not ungrateful of what you have you are unwell at the moment, hope you feel better soon

CheckpointCharlie2 · 10/08/2017 10:37

Hope your appointment went well. I've been there too and come out the other side.

notquitegrownup2 · 10/08/2017 10:41

Another one wishing you well. I vividly remember working out the hospital thing too, wondering how hard my car would have to crash to allow me to be taken to hospital for someone to look after me, without damaging me irreparably.

Keep on posting on MN. I had a supportive GP but it was MN which got me through the darkest times.

HeyRoly · 10/08/2017 10:42

You could let the doctor read your post from 9.26 and that would be good enough.

I remember feeling like you with my first baby. Please remember there's no rationality to it. Don't kick yourself for being "ungrateful" for your life and family. It's not that you're ungrateful. And you won't feel this desperately shit forever. You need help and support and sleep. Antidepressants also helped me a lot. Take it minute by minute, hour by hour

CuppaSarah · 10/08/2017 10:42

I hope the appointment has gone well. You're not ungrateful, you're unwell. Having a baby is scary enough at the best of times, when pnd hits hard it's intolerable. But you've been so open, you're going to the gp, you ate doing the absolute best you can for your family right now. I know you feel so low and like you've got it all wrong, but you'll look back when the fog has cleared and see how well you handled this!

I've been there too, I wanted throw myself down the stairs so I could go to hospital and escape. I fantasized about appendicitis. But my pnd is gone now and my bad days are better than my good days at the start.

You too will recover, my therapist said she knows of no one who doesn't beat pnd sooner or later. It's just a question of how long your journey will be.

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