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AIBU?

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Original poster

To feel protective of DS, 19, who has recently gone bald

106 replies

DaisyLuke · 08/08/2017 19:56

DS has gone from normal hairline at 17 to literally a six o'clock horseshoe shadow and b*er all else at 19. We are talking a Prince William scenario on 2 years. Obviously he's rather sensitive about this. I wonder if I need to warn relatives he hasn't seem to a while in advance so he doesn't get the shocked reaction we just recently had at a family wedding. Some people who should know better (S'IL, take a bow) overreacted and I know it upset him. We've a few events coming up soon. Ideas?

OP posts:
stella23 · 08/08/2017 19:59

Do you know why he has gone bald so early and so quickly? Is it stress related ot natural.

I think you should teach him to try to take it in his stride, maybe have a joke or two ready.

VodkaLimeSoda27 · 08/08/2017 20:02

Hi OP, don't have an answer but didn't want to read and run. Your poor DS, he shouldn't have to put up with people making such rude and personal comments about his appearance.

I don't know what gives some people the idea that they're entitled to comment on others looks in this way. This probably isn't helpful but if I'd been in your shoes I'd probably have told her to fuck off s not come back until she apologized, but realise that approach isn't for everybody Wink

LittleMissMankyPants · 08/08/2017 20:02

Has he seen a doctor? All the men in my family were early balders but this sounds very drastic.

WineGummyBear · 08/08/2017 20:03

I'd tell family in advance. This happened to a couple of friends and the reactions of close friends and family (uncles especially could barely conceal their glee) made it a lot worse.

Poor DS and poor you.

Original poster
DaisyLuke · 08/08/2017 20:04

Apparently it is MPB so natural rather than stress related. Seems to be becoming more common these days although this is both extreme and early to be dealing with this.

OP posts:
Amanduh · 08/08/2017 20:06

I mean it's beside the point but Wills isnt at the 6 o clock shadow stage so that comparison doesnt help me picture it, is it literally just a sprinkling? I suppose there's not a lot you can do. I hate the horseshoe thing so I'd make it even so it doesn't look odd... and I'd maybe mention it to relatives quietly and mention he feels very self concious. People he knows elsewhere etc will react though, there's not a lot you can do really.

Original poster
DaisyLuke · 08/08/2017 20:07

WineGummy thanks for that. Glee is a strange reaction-wonder why and directed to whom?

OP posts:
mayhew · 08/08/2017 20:07

Poor DS. People tend to tease men about hair loss. Do whatever you can to build his confidence and help him prepare some witty comebacks. One of my best friends had lost most of his hair by 23. He said his testosterone levels were so high, his follicles didn't stand a chance. He now has 5 children.

TheRollingCrone · 08/08/2017 20:08

It must be hard at that age, its no good an old gimmer like me saying bald men are well ridey, but do you think he would embrace the change and go for the shave?
Is transplant a route he'd consider?

LittleMissMankyPants · 08/08/2017 20:09

I would try and get it out on the family rumour mill. Could your mum mention it to aunties who'll mention to cousins etc?

Or can you email round the family as a general "hope you're all having a lovely summer. Looking forward to X, Y, Z. Love from the Daisies" signed off with a recent family photo?

ludothedog · 08/08/2017 20:10

that's tough. yes, I would warm family members in advance and let them know that he is sensitive about it.

If it helps, you can tell him that lots of women, like me, happen to find bald men very attractive.

Original poster
DaisyLuke · 08/08/2017 20:12

Thanks Ludo. I think he's had the piss taken out of him so much he can't see that right now but maybe in the future?

OP posts:
stopfuckingshoutingatme · 08/08/2017 20:17

I would warn then and make it crystal clear

He is very young to have this , he is very sensitive about it so we ask people to not overtly comment please as a kindness

Poor little bean .

TooMinty · 08/08/2017 20:17

I just came on to say the same as Ludo - when I was 16 my 19 year old boyfriend had a shaved head for this reason (ran in his family). It didn't put me off or any of his subsequent girlfriends Smile

Kingoftheroad · 08/08/2017 20:19

My husband lost his hair around this age. I knew that there was a very real chance my son would also.

I actually prepared him for it, telling him that there was a strong possibility it could happen. Fortunately it's showing no signs as yet. I always tell him it will make him even better looking, as I find bald men very attractive.

I would advise him to embrace it, chin up, fill him up with confidence and he should sail through it.

I totally understand that, inside your heart will be breaking for him I'd be the same

PeppaPigTastesLikeBacon · 08/08/2017 20:20

Can't he shave his hair (not wet shave dramatic) as it could make it less obvious?
FWIW my DP has been 'bald' for a number of years (since maybe 25?) and I think he actually looks better with the shorter hair than he did with longer hair

x2boys · 08/08/2017 20:21

No advice but my dh started going bald at 17 he had loads of girlfriends before me and it never put me off him he shaves his head now it was male pattern baldness with him too.Smile

Violetparis · 08/08/2017 20:21

No advice to offer other than what's been said but just want to say you sound a lovely mum DaisyLuke

Original poster
DaisyLuke · 08/08/2017 20:24

He currently has a shaved head (my idea) but obviously the stubble grows through. It's hard keeping perspective and positivity. I don't want to get Oedipal but baldness isn't actually my thing, although I accept it is many women's, or at least they don't mind. Slightly muddies the waters when it comes to advising him how to deal.

OP posts:
MatildaTheCat · 08/08/2017 20:25

I would warn people in advance and ask them not to comment. He sounds as if he's had enough and probably dreads meeting people now. He will get used to it but he's very young.

Ds1 has a receding hairline from early twenties and is quite sensitive, all we can do is reiterate that he looks great and thank goodness we are past the age of the comb over.

If anyone does comment have a few lines ready to make sure they get the idea that making hurtful personal comments is very much not ok.

MissBabbs · 08/08/2017 20:27

He should shave his head but also get a suntan.

A tanned bald person (though of course don't sunburn) looks quite handsome.

Original poster
DaisyLuke · 08/08/2017 20:30

Thanks Matilda. Did you suggest the shave over combover option or has he gone for it of his own volition?

OP posts:
SheepyFun · 08/08/2017 20:30

Another one voting for finding a good haircut for him. DH went bald in his early 20's I think (he was definitely bald when I met him in his mid 20's!), and when he went for a really short haircut, it took years off him - the typical guess as to his age when down by over a decade! When he and I were teens, a buzz cut carried connotations of neo-Nazis (and DH's colouring would only enhance that) but thankfully it's no longer the case.

DamnDeDoubtanceIsSpartacus · 08/08/2017 20:31

Poor boy, this is the age when we are most self conscious about looks too. I would warn people and tell them to be kind. I think the best haircut is to keep it short as possible or all off. Look at Patrick Stewart, or Yul Bryner, never did them any harm.

stella23 · 08/08/2017 20:31

I feel for him, he has to learn to take it in his stride if people get wind of him being sensitive they wil just take the piss more,
Could he say something like my new jobs a stand in for prince William