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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel protective of DS, 19, who has recently gone bald

106 replies

DaisyLuke · 08/08/2017 19:56

DS has gone from normal hairline at 17 to literally a six o'clock horseshoe shadow and b*er all else at 19. We are talking a Prince William scenario on 2 years. Obviously he's rather sensitive about this. I wonder if I need to warn relatives he hasn't seem to a while in advance so he doesn't get the shocked reaction we just recently had at a family wedding. Some people who should know better (S'IL, take a bow) overreacted and I know it upset him. We've a few events coming up soon. Ideas?

OP posts:
SensualSue · 13/08/2017 22:04

It must be awful for a young man to go bald. All very well to say how great it looks but who would choose it?

Steeley113 · 13/08/2017 22:11

My DH went bald in his early 20s. He now has a shaved head and a short beard and looks more attractive then ever! It's quite an in thing to have a shaved head and a beard so tell him not to worry at all!

SleepFreeZone · 13/08/2017 22:22

I like shaved heads abs it definitely wouldn't have put me off at all.

SleepFreeZone · 13/08/2017 22:25

Ooh yummy. Love this look

To feel protective of DS, 19, who has recently gone bald
MrsEricBana · 13/08/2017 22:32

My dh also went bald from around 20. The key is not to look like you're in denial, so no long whispy stuff at the front etc. A proper barber cut still looks better on almost no hair than just shaving it at home. I agree do warn family in advance to pre empt any comments.

SparklyUnicornPoo · 13/08/2017 22:33

My friend started losing his hair at 16, in clumps, he went though a bandanna stage which was awful and then he just shaved the whole lot off which suits him.

I would warn relatives that haven't seen him for a while, just a quick 'btw, DS is losing his hair, hes a bit sensitive about it' should do the trick.

Original poster
DaisyLuke · 13/08/2017 22:41

Find it a bit hard to word the "heads up" email but anyway..if I find it tough what must it me like for him?

OP posts:
Original poster
DaisyLuke · 13/08/2017 23:04

It's weird cos I feel it's very premature. I'm not ready at all for it

OP posts:
frieda909 · 13/08/2017 23:13

A friend of mine went totally bald at the same age. It was really hard for him but in the end I think it's made him much more confident in the long run (he's now 35) than if it had happened later on in life. While other guys in their late 20s/early 30s are starting to freak out about going bald and it symbolising the loss of their youth, he's already been through it, got over it, and is just happily living his life.

I'm sorry your son is going through this but it won't be long before lots of his friends start to go through it too, and he'll already be rocking his Bruce Willis look!

Original poster
DaisyLuke · 13/08/2017 23:19

Thanks Frieda. Can't help wishing the follicles could have stuck around a bit longer but..

OP posts:
Sylv2017 · 14/08/2017 07:25

Poor DS. Exactly this happened to a family member. He shaved his head and for other health reasons started working out at the gym. No-one would dare mention his lack of hair now Grin

Taking care of himself in other ways really seemed to help. Didn't want to read and run... but this is more a long term approach than perhaps you were asking for.

Ledkr · 14/08/2017 07:46

Gosh poor lad.

i started getting grey hair at 15 and have had to dye it all these years (so much less traumatic)

Can you afford to speak to a private tricologist? Weigh up the options?

PassiveAggressiveFloofiness · 14/08/2017 09:52

I am a lot older and female but have exactly this scenario (although hair loss due to illness) with an upcoming wedding. Not the sort where I can wear a hat unfortunately Smile

I actually think I would be happier if DH gave people a heads up (no pun intended!). It's awful when you can see peoples' eyes automatically go to your head and then they really awkwardly avoid mentioning it. But then a big announcement type email would be Hmm. Tricky. Do you or DS use anything like instagram/Facebook etc so you share a recent photo, but it's more natural than an announcement, to preempt the awkward looks?

In some ways men have an "easier" option as a shaved head isn't seen as out of the ordinary (YY to women getting Sinead O'Connor remarks!) but then women can wear more hair bands/scarves etc. Not easy for anyone really.

HiJenny35 · 14/08/2017 10:03

If his head is freshly shaven it will just look like he has had a short hair cut, no one is going to tease him about going bald they will just say about having the hair cut!
God no, do not prewarn people, how embarrassing for him, he'd rightly go mental if he found out the whole family was talking about his baldness behind his back and someone will say something like 'your mum told us about you going bald!' He's a young man do not go around trying to fight his battles. Yes it's really sad and upsetting but nooooo do not call the family.

silkpyjamasallday · 14/08/2017 10:08

I have a friend who went bald like you describe in his teens, he is mid twenties now. It bothers him so he shaves any remaining hair and has a stick on section of real hair that he wears during the day, it looks like an extreme short back and sides. I had no idea it was a wig until he told us. Your DS may just come to terms with it but there are so many good solutions nowadays.

Edsheeranalbumparty · 14/08/2017 10:10

I'm another who thinks he should just shave it? Lots of sexy shaven headed guys around!

VulvalHeadMistress · 14/08/2017 10:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ShoesHaveSouls · 14/08/2017 10:46

I posted earlier, but I do agree with Vulval - OP, you sound a bit excessively upset by this. Speak to your son about not being sensitive or upset about this - as pp has said, he needs to embrace his baldness. (Either that or get a hair transplant.)

What hairstyle does he have at the moment? He can't do better than shave the lot off, and maybe grow some facial hair. But I googled the hairline tattoos, and they are very very effective. Is this an option?

I wouldn't e-mail the family about the wedding - I'd coach my son about laughing off any comments, and give him some good comebacks. It sounds like you're treating it as though it's somethng that will ruin his life - it shouldn't.

Mustang27 · 14/08/2017 10:52

A friend had a hair transplant. It looks great.

LakieLady · 14/08/2017 10:54

DP was bald at 25, DSS was bald by 21.

They both shave the little that's left and they both look great.

Notreallyarsed · 14/08/2017 10:55

Poor laddie, it's a rough time for any man going bald, especially when they're young. DP started going bald before I met him, but a couple of years in he shaved his head. Personally I love it, but he was miserable with people cracking jokes and thinking they were funny. His hair was his pride and joy.

worridmum · 14/08/2017 11:07

I do hate how male pattern boldness is one of the last seemingly areas of body shaming jokes.

In one if my previous jobs i was a manager dealing with this 2 female employees were teasing the new employee who was going bold at 21, he poliety asked them to stop on numerous occasions they didnt until one day he turned around and called the 2 main instergates and called the beached whales ( they were big ladies) they looked gobsmacked that he bantered back about their bodies and they got offended that he was body shaming them and tried to put an offical grievance in. When i told them if they did i would have to discipline all of them, but they said bantering about boldness isnt the same as fat shaming and i simply replied it is ALL body shaming and in a professional way said if you cannot take it dont dish it out.

worridmum · 14/08/2017 11:15

Sorry *seemingly acceptable area of body shaming

Original poster
DaisyLuke · 04/09/2017 02:19

I decided not to say anything in the end. We got back just now from a family wedding and I think it went ok in terms of not being too remarked on. Will need to speak to him re a strategy for dealing with the remainder at some point as it is getting a bit long and wispy now which doesn't suit him.

OP posts:
Reppin · 04/09/2017 02:30

Shave to skin! Absolutely beautiful on young men!

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