Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Who IBU: driver or passenger? (this is quite dull, sorry)

91 replies

ecuse · 08/08/2017 16:40

Will try to do this objectively, DH and I want to know who's right! I will try to not reveal whether I am driver or passenger Grin

Only one of us drivers, the other has a driving license but doesn't enjoy driving, hasn't driven since age 25ish (about 17 years). This isn't a marital bone of contention as the driver loves driving and isn't wild on being a passenger. We live in London so don't use the car much for short journeys at home, mainly for longer trips away at weekend - seeing family, days out etc.

The driver is generally a good and safe driver. Has held a license for 20 years, only once got a speeding penalty aged 20 (3 points long since elapsed for motorway speeding). Nevertheless, they regularly drive 5% over the speed limit on motorways for short periods, sometimes 10%, and this irritates the passenger.

Who IBU?

The driver maintains that it's very difficult to hold an exact speed and that they aim for 70 on motorways but this fluctuates around 65-75 quite naturally due to variations in gradient, road surface etc and that driving is basically a series of constant minor adjustments. So that it's not U to go over 70 for a short period as long as you're keeping a watchful eye on it and bringing it back down to 70. They maintain that by the time the passenger notices they're speeding, the driver has usually already noticed and is in the process of adjusting downwards. But due to having had a couple of motorway driving lessons when 17 immediately after passing test, driver is convinced that it is Very Bad Practice to use the brakes to adjust speed on the motorway. By preference, speed and spacing between cars should be adjusted only by varying acceleration (obviously this doesn't apply if you need to brake to avoid hitting someone). They were taught it is both dangerous and causes unnecessary traffic jams when cars brake so they avoid it where possible. The result of that is it sometimes it takes a few seconds - occasionally maybe 10 or 15 seconds depending on the gradient - to slow back down to 70 without braking. Using the same logic, the driver tends not to brake for speed cameras, although they will adjust downwards without braking if they can, reasoning that if they get a ticket then they deserve one and that using 'unsafe practices' (braking for no reason) on a motorway to avoid a ticket is unacceptable. Both agree that driver doesn't persistently speed (i.e if they notice they're speeding they always take action to bring it down, don't just cruise along at 75).

Passenger maintains that the speed limit is the speed limit, end of, and that if the driver ever finds themselves above it they should slow down immediately (braking if necessary). And if the driver is so insistent on a process of constant adjustment and apparently unavoidable speed variation then they should aim for 65 rather than 70 so as to avoid going over 70, ever.

Driver thinks aiming for 65 is quite wrong, that the highway code says you should drive up to the speed limit unless road or weather conditions make that unsafe. In fact, driver failed their first driving test for persistently driving 20-25mph in a 30mph zone.

Passenger is also irritated by their partner's cavalier attitude to getting tickets (and thinks that the fact the driver hasn't got a ticket in 18 years is luck rather than judgement).

In case relevant, both parties agree driver is very careful in residential areas with speed limits, this is just a motorway issue.

So - Mumsnet jury? Should the driver slow the fuck down, aim for 65, brake for speed cameras and generally stop being an arrogant twat to justify their casual minor speeding?

Or is it bit rich for the passenger to be back seat driving given they haven't actually been behind the wheel of a car for nearly 20 years?

OP posts:
LittleCandle · 08/08/2017 18:06

XH never drove when we were together. He had driven previously when he lived abroad, but preferred to get pissed rather than drive. However, despite this, he would occasionally pass judgement on something I had done. One time, he informed me that once I had dropped him at the airport I had to go straight home, as there was a dusting of snow on the ground and that I was not to go and visit my best friend. When he rang just before boarding, he wanted to know where I was since I had answered the phone (don't know why he phoned in the first place if he didn't expect me to answer) and was annoyed that I was at my friends. It totally escaped his notice that all the snow had melted away... I didn't enlighten him and he never did it again.

if the passenger doesn't like the way I drive, they are quite welcome to get the bus.

JigglyTuff · 08/08/2017 18:09

Passengers do not get to comment on driving. If they don't like it, they can find some other form of transport. And passenger sound very petty and irritating.

JigglyTuff · 08/08/2017 18:11

The limit is 10% over. I never drive at 70mph and I've never got a ticket.

BeyondThePage · 08/08/2017 18:15

The limit is not 10% over - that is to allow for variance in speedometers and tyre wear. The limit is 70 - you have probably never got a ticket because YOUR car runs a little under - not all of them will.

carefreeeee · 08/08/2017 18:18

Braking on the motorway is obviously a bad idea...but I disagree that you should always drive to the speed limit. There's absolutely nothing wrong with driving at 60 on the motorway should you wish to. Many vehicles are limited to 56 mph so you won't be the only one. It saves a lot of fuel to go at 56 not 70.

I think going up to high 70's is ok because the speedo reads over anyway...but if you are finding yourself creeping above 80 then possibly your husband is right and you'd be better off aiming for 65?

Also I don't think it's a problem for passengers to comment on driving if they do so in a respectful way. Occasionally there can be something going on that you haven't noticed. Being uptight suggests a lack of confidence in your own abilities!

ulmiedzaavquane · 08/08/2017 18:20

It is the driver's decision. The passenger can choose not to be a passenger if they don't like it. Either they are basically a safe driver, in which case fine, or they are not and the passenger should go by public transport.

Car speedometers are often calibrated to over-report speed so it is entirely possible that when the speedo say 75 the real speed is 72.

carefreeeee · 08/08/2017 18:21

Also I've been in a crash where I had doubts about the driving standard but decided not to say anything for fear of causing offence. Since then I am very happy to ask people to slow down if I think they are going too fast, or leave a bigger gap. Other than that I would not comment.

Cars and motor vehicles are the most dangerous thing around these days - it's not worth being proud about!

Shenanagins · 08/08/2017 18:25

I think some twat hitting the brakes every time they hit 71 mph would send me over the edge.

Nor can I see the police getting overly excited about a car going that fast if the car is is otherwise being safely driven.

SoPassRemarkable · 08/08/2017 18:28

Passenger needs to get a bus. Or next time make him drive if he thinks he can do so much better.....see how he gets on with it!

user1471517900 · 08/08/2017 18:52

I'd like to see how your DH would have written this. This is very biased as to how its written

Frankiestein401 · 08/08/2017 18:55

all speedometers over reading used to be the case with mechanical drive - these days they are allowed to be up to 10% over but can be less than 1% over. the ACC guidelines for speeding tickets used to be 10% +2mph. however each force is free to set what they want and speed cameras with lines on road/interval speed measures can be set to trigger at a few mph over the limit

sharklovers · 08/08/2017 19:03

Cameras are your enemy here, very unlikely that a real life cop is going to be interested in you anywhere under a genuine 80mph unless some other aspect of your driving/vehicle draws their attention to you. A good camera detector/GPS can be worth its weight in gold.

MaisyPops · 08/08/2017 19:07

I'm with the driver.
Braking on the motorway unless there's an actual hazard isn't good. Much better to vary speed using the accelerator.

You drive as close to the speed limit as is safe for the conditions. Aiming for 65mph is just silly and is the kind of driving that irritates other drivers (makes way for that annoying use of the middle Lane because 65mph driver wants to do 65 but the lorry in the inside Lane is doing 63, so the world slows down)

Frankiestein401 · 08/08/2017 21:11

"You drive as close to the speed limit as is safe for the conditions" and as fast as you are comfortable with - people who get irritated with other drivers, for whatever reason, are the most dangerous drivers at any speed.

being forced to go faster than you or the vehicle are comfortable with turns you into a dangerous driver.

If you have some fool showing impatience then slow when convenient and let them pass - that sort of attitude means they'll either end up with a heart attack or kill themselves and whatever unfortunate they hit.

can you imagine any more stupid death than being killed by driving fast?

JigglyTuff · 08/08/2017 21:57

Beyond - nothing to do with my speedo.
ACPO Speed Enforcement Guidelines:

"In the document it also revealed that there is a maximum tolerance of +/-2mph up to 66mph and 3 per cent for all speeds higher than 66mph.
Speed limit: 30 mph
ACPO threshold for:

  • a fixed penalty or a Speed Awareness course: 35 mph
  • summoning: 50 mph
Speed limit: 50 mph ACPO threshold for:
  • a fixed penalty or a Speed Awareness course: 57 mph
  • summoning: 76 mph
Speed limit: 70 mph ACPO threshold for:
  • a fixed penalty or a Speed Awareness course: 79 mph
  • summoning: 96 mph
Technically then a motorist could still be fined if they travel just one mph over the speed limit, however it is unlikely. "

www.express.co.uk/life-style/cars/806313/Speeding-fines-2017-UK-10-percent-allowance-rule-explained

generallyabitgrumpy · 08/08/2017 22:00

It is quite evident that you are the driver. (Confirmed in a post above)

I would tend to agree with you.

And no I wouldn't aim for 65 on a motorway unless I wanted an unobservant idiot to drive into my behind.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread