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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Gobsmacked at the jogger on the news..

981 replies

KurriKurri · 08/08/2017 15:16

Who pushed that woman over into the path of a bus.

What a complete and utter wanker - who the hell does that?

Thank goodness she was OK (physically at least- she'll probably be rather nervous about walking along the pavement now Sad

OP posts:
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8
HelenaDove · 09/08/2017 21:11

Hygge you have reminded me of something that happened when i was working in a shop 13 years ago.

A man placed his hand flat on my back to push me out of the way.

He could have asked me to move but there was plenty of room. I was folding some jeans to put on a shelf at the time.

Anlaf · 09/08/2017 21:13

btw this is a good article

features further depressing random male violence

www.independent.co.uk/voices/jogger-pushed-woman-in-front-of-bus-rage-man-feminism-sexism-misogyny-right-questions-a7884126.html

Of course we never mean all joggers when we say joggers, and “Not all men!” has become the tiresome cry of many an angry male reader whenever any female journalist tries to bring up sexism. But when you’ve been on the receiving end of the random anger of a male stranger, you realise in a split second how a potent misogyny bubbles under the surface of society, occasionally spilling over into violent acts.

HelenaDove · 09/08/2017 21:26

Someone to me on twitter Same person i mentioned upthread.

"look properly love she kicked him its been slowed down and proven"

bettyblueeyes83 · 09/08/2017 21:33

Nothing nearly as bad, but the attitude reminds me of an encounter I had a few weeks ago in a busy pedestrian underground tunnel at King's Cross. Two middle-aged men marching towards me with wheely suitcases, when I realised we were in each other's way I pressed myself up against the wall (hard to do in those curved tunnels, and they just kept coming without breaking stride so I sort of stumbled against the side to avoid their path). The first one tutted loudly, then the second one shouted 'WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU? CAN'T YOU SEE WE'VE GOT BAGS?!'. I was so shocked, I tried to say back 'What's wrong with YOU?!' but it came out all strangled. I felt this sort of raging powerlessness. Then I felt guilty that they had bags and maybe I hadn't got out of the way fast enough. Sad

HelenaDove · 09/08/2017 21:35

looks like ive been blocked by a handmaiden for standing up for women.

Ah well

MeanAger · 09/08/2017 21:49

its been slowed down and proven

What, so it's been to court and judged as self defence because she kicked him? Hmm what an idiot.

HelenaDove · 09/08/2017 21:51

YY Ager I bet she wouldnt have liked it if i had started casting aspersions on how or why that serviceman went missing (which i wouldnt because im not an arsehole.

MeanAger · 09/08/2017 21:53

Indeed!

LalaLeona · 09/08/2017 22:03

Joggers have shoved past me before nearly knocked me flying they can be so inconsiderate..my mum was also knocked into the road on a country lane luckily no traffic was around!

ZigAZigAhh · 09/08/2017 22:10

Horrifying stuff, and I am also despairing at the victim blaming going on.

On a much lesser scale, I was walking to the tube station near my work a few weeks ago, clearly heavily pregnant. The footpath narrowed at one point due to scaffolding set up on the edge of it on the roadside, and there was a bit of a bottleneck of pedestrians.

A man was walking quite quickly towards me and instead of slowing down and trying to avoid a collision he walked straight into me, barged my shoulder very hard and caused me to drop my handbag. He had been making eye contact the whole time and did not break his stride or turn or stop to apologise or even acknowledge me in any way. It upset me at the time as I thought I should have done more to avoid being in his path (even though I was pressed up against the scaffolding with nowhere to go) and thought I must have been "in the wrong" to be in his way like that. It has taken me reading this thread to realise that aggressively and deliberately walking into someone (pregnant or not) is not a "normal" thing to do, and also that it was not automatically my responsibility to get out of his way when he was just as much in my way.

ZigAZigAhh · 09/08/2017 22:13

betty - I completely relate to the bizarre feeling of guilt. I felt guilty that this man had had to shoulder barge me out of his way. It's utterly ludicrous but scarily I couldn't see it that way at the time.

Anlaf · 09/08/2017 22:16

YY zig, my recent experience made me feel embarrased and guilty that I had somehow caused it. I'm sorry that happened to you.

ZigAZigAhh · 09/08/2017 22:19

Thanks Anlaf and sorry to hear about your experience too (it was actually what prompted me to write about mine as mine also happened in the City...)

Anlaf · 09/08/2017 22:23

I'd love to think it was the same wanker but I suspect there are a few of these around.

bettyblueeyes83 · 09/08/2017 22:24

Me too Zig and Anlaf - worrying how it was difficult to recognise when it's just your subjective experience.

Hygge · 09/08/2017 22:28

Lineys - I might do the same thing. Start calling out "don't bump into me" to draw attention to it.

Helena - it seems to be a really common thing, so much so that it can't always be an accident or thoughtlessness. Much of it has to be deliberate even when it's not in the extreme of what this jogger did.

Zig - you've reminded me of another time as well.

A man pushed me forward as I was getting into a lift, saying "move up love" as he pushed me. I was massively pregnant at the time so I had nowhere to go. The space he thought he was pushing me into was actually my bump up against a trolley (we were in Ikea so it was a big lift but full of other people with big trolleys).

However, I was also with DH, even though it didn't look like it because of the way we had to stand in the lift around the trolleys. DH leaned over and said "stop pushing my pregnant wife" to the man.

He apologised, but to DH, not to me Hmm

HelenaDove · 09/08/2017 22:36

He apologized to your DH because he saw you as his property. Im guessing this jogger views women in the same way.

Littlegreyauditor · 09/08/2017 22:37

I used to do martial arts and one of the things we used to do was, in a crowd, choose a line and stick to it. The idea was to refuse to be intimidated, to own your space and not to break eye contact. What nearly always happened was some pumped up arehole would take it too far and someone would end up getting hit.

Some people, and you find them often in dojos, can find no space between confidence and outright arrogance. They're nearly always immature males.

Jux · 09/08/2017 22:41

It does happen that you get treated like a chattel, especially when pg or with small children - but only when your oh is there too. Too often, when without an owner, women are completely ignored when pg or with small children.

When I was young and attractive with big blue eyes, long blonde hair and a good figure, I would be subtley pushed around, talked over - all those things that stupid men do so blithely - but when I had my hair cut and then dyed black that all changed. People (men) stopped messing with me. The change was so noticeable, one day little bimbo, next day tough female keep away!

EmpressoftheMundane · 09/08/2017 22:41

I'm not originally from Britain, I come from a sexist culture, but at least it was constrained by some sort of chivalry. Men may have been patronising, but they certainly didn't run women off the pavement. They opened doors for us and offered up seats instead!

AlecTrevelyan006 · 09/08/2017 23:00

Middle aged male joggers here - in 30 years of running I have never shoved anyone.

I have, however, been heckled on many occasions - usually, but not exclusively, teen/early adul males. I've had a can of lager thrown at me from a van, a bottle thrown at me from across the street, been spat at, chased by yobs on foot and on cycle, and had several cars quite obviously and deliberately swerve into puddles in order to splash me.

What else? I had a guy jump out of his car and chase me down a one street after I had the temerity to run across the run 'forcing him to slow down' (he definitely didn't need to slow down, there was loads of room!). I've also been sworn at for not providing directions to people who stopped me or me flagged me down while out running. I've had a dog set on me a few times and been deliberately tripped up, or attempted to be tripped up several times.

I've even been wolf-whistled at a few times.

And lots of other stuff.

Hopefully, the guy in the video will get caught. I have no doubt he acted deliberately and maliciously, though I'm not convinced he acted that way because his victim was a woman. I think it's just as likely he was simply being an entitled, arrogant, arsehole.

Hygge · 09/08/2017 23:03

Helena - that's the way I saw it at the time.

DH was the wronged party in that man's eyes. I was just the fat woman in the way.

MinesaBottle · 09/08/2017 23:04

He didn't shove the man though did he? Because the man may well have punched his lights out and was bigger.

BoneyBackJefferson · 09/08/2017 23:06

Littlegreyauditor
I used to do martial arts and one of the things we used to do was, in a crowd, choose a line and stick to it. The idea was to refuse to be intimidated, to own your space and not to break eye contact.

How does this make you any better than the men that do this?

What nearly always happened was some pumped up arehole would take it too far and someone would end up getting hit.

So you met others doing the same thing and a fight broke out.

MeanAger · 09/08/2017 23:09

He apologized to your DH because he saw you as his property.

I suspect there was also an element of not wanting to be hit by a man but having no fear of same from a woman.