What age is it ok to leave children alone in the house while I pop to the shop?

Imaginosity · 2017-08-07T23:09:14+00:00

Inspired by another thread...many people seem happy to let children play out unsupervised from the ages of 4/5/6/7 years - so when is it ok to leave children home alone for short times. There is a shop just across the road from my house - about half a minute's walk. Is it ok for me to pop over and leave my children -age 5 and 7 home alone for a few minutes while I buy something. Previously on mumsnet people seemed to think this was really neglectful.

AtSea1979 · 08/08/2017 00:11

Half a minute to cross the road? That can't be just across the road then surely.
Depends on the child. DS would have been fine at 2. DD (who is more typical) 8 maybe.

Dancingfairy · 08/08/2017 00:13

Want to know this aswell. No way on earth would I allow my 5 yo to play out unsupervised.

KeepServingTheDrinks · 08/08/2017 00:14

In legal terms, there's no minimum age you can leave a child. However, the consequences stack up thick and fast if something goes wrong. (the younger they are, the more serious the consequences for the carer).

In the case of the individual, it totally depends on the children, and things like (for example) whether 1 minute's walk away means crossing 6 lanes of motorway traffic

GreatFuckability · 08/08/2017 00:15

i live the same distance from my local shop and would happily left my 5 and 7 year olds (they're older now) i'd also happily let the 7 year old go and buy some milk of whatever.

PollyFlint · 08/08/2017 00:17

If you're only going to be out of the house for literally a minute or two, I'd say it's absolutely fine. But obviously you know your own kids and how they'll be.

Fruitcorner123 · 08/08/2017 00:18

The difference between outdoors playing on a quiet cul de sac and indoors are the number and types of hazards and also the fact that they know exactly where you are.

My 6 year old plays out with other children on our very quiet road but he comes in to see me regularly and I keep an eye on him from the window. He is also with others so if he fell and hurt himself they would come and get me.

He would not yet know what to do if the fire alarm at home went off or a stranger knocked on the door. If he fell or slipped and banged his head I wouldn't know. I consider there to be more hazards in my home alone than out on our very quiet street with other kids.

It does depend on your child and the street though. I doubt I would leave mine at home before 9 or 10.

My

melj1213 · 08/08/2017 00:20

There is a co-op about a minute's walk from my house, only across one road that has a zebra crossing directly in front of the shop.

I have no issues leaving my 9 year old home alone to nip to the shop if I just need a pint of milk or loaf of bread or something, but she is a very sensible child and knows not to do anything dangerous/stupid (like turn on the stove or something). TBH she has been sensible enough to leave for a couple of minutes in this scenario since she was about 5/6 but we only moved here 2 years ago and before that we lived in the centre of Madrid where I'd never leave her but only because we lived in an apartment block and the nearest shop was 2 streets away.

Half a minute to cross the road? That can't be just across the road then surely.

30 seconds, including crossing the road, might not make the shop directly across the street, but it's hardly half a mile away, I'd class anything as "just across the road" if I can see it clearly from my front door.

Fruitcorner123 · 08/08/2017 00:22

Having said that if the shop is literally across the road (and the.road is safe so they can get you if they need you) isn't it comparable to putting the washing out? In that case I wouldn't be overly concerned by 6/7 for a sensible.child. As long as they were able to get to.you safely so would depend on.how busy the road is.

My son.wouldnt be happy to be left though.

Qvar · 08/08/2017 00:22

I live in a cul de sac with a shop at the top - I used to make mine play in the front so I could see them at all times, from about 6 or 7, but left them indoors when the youngest was nine

Dancingfairy · 08/08/2017 00:23

My sister was reported to ss for leaving her 4 yo to go shop (she would stay on the phone to him the whole time) so i don't think there is no legal age? Otherwise ss wouldn't have got involved?

BishopBrennansArse · 08/08/2017 00:23

It's not about age, it's about whether they could manage.
None of mine can yet. Maybe DS1 if the kitchen door was locked, he's 13.
DS2 will be never, not sure about DD, we'll see.

All have autism.

Fruitcorner123 · 08/08/2017 00:24

Sorry to post a third time but just thought of something I once read on a thread like this. Would your child know what you do if you didn't come back (I.e. You were run over by a bus or had a heart attack or something) highly unlikely but still crucial that they are prepared for what to do/who to ring otherwise they could be left alone for hours before anyone realises.

SkyWalker95 · 08/08/2017 00:32

If you can leave them without locking them in the house. Trust them to make a meal by themselves, ie use a sharp knife, the cooker, a hob etc. Trust them with any machines and electronics in the house like a sewing machine, hair straighteners, shredders. Don't have any baby safety measures in your home anymore. Know what to do in case of an accident or fire. Then I would say they are ready to be left alone. I highly doubt a 5 year old would be ready yet.

Migraleve · 08/08/2017 00:34

Age 5 & 7 - I wouldn't even consider this. Why would anyone? I don't see what's the problem taking them with

Fruitcorner123 · 08/08/2017 00:38

Trust them to make a meal by themselves, ie use a sharp knife, the cooker, a hob etc.

I disagree with this but think you have to be able to trust them not to attempt to use the cooker or a sharp knife if they are not ready. This is a hard call to make but agree no 5 year old can be trusted to always make a safe decision. If they suddenly decided they needed something chopping up or cutting can you be sure the wouldn't help themselves to knife or scissors? If they suddenly decided they wanted some pasta can you be sure they wouldn't try and switch the hob on? Or make toast and then stick a fork in toaster etc.etc. There are so many hazards in a home.

64PooLane · 08/08/2017 00:43

Mine are 7 and 9 (very nearly 10) and we have a shop at the top of our short, quiet road. I left them in alone and made a quick trip to the shop for the first time last week.

CremeEggThief · 08/08/2017 00:47

I left my DS from when he was 7 (now 14) to pop to the Co-op 2 minutes' walk away, if I was getting 5 items or fewer. However, I wouldn't have done it with 2 or more children of a similar age.

IgnoreMeEveryOtherReindeerDoes · 08/08/2017 00:48

Depends on child my DD would clean and tidy house, DS probably burn it down.

When I had DS he ended up in sbcu and I had to stay in, general chit chat with nurse ended up with me having to goto nurse desk to take a call from social services about my home alone child who was wk shy of 14! who been doing everything for me, cooking etc in run up to last few of my pregnancy. They said she had to go into temp Forster care, luckily my mum got leave off work at came 200miles up. Btw she had her friend over night before who's parents knew I was in hospital.

Like said DS I can't image leaving alone at that age.

KeepServingTheDrinks · 08/08/2017 00:52

I can assure you, Dancingfairy that there is NO minimum LEGAL age to leave a child.

If, as you say your DSis was reported to SS then they might well have investigated this. If they got involved with her family following their investigation, then - trust me - it was more than a one-off leaving a child for a few minutes whilst being in phone contact.
Or was it investigated and found to be no further action?

Dancingfairy · 08/08/2017 00:59

There was no action taken but they did investigate her based on the referral (by an ex friend) but why would they investigate at all if its ok to do it? (to add my sister denied doing it so I'm not sure what would have happened if she admitted)

KeepServingTheDrinks · 08/08/2017 01:02

The other thing to say regarding independence (rather than 'leaving home alone") is that generally secondary schools (11 yr old Yr 7 children) are generally expected to get to and from school by themselves. So most primaries encourage practising this towards the end of KS2, so depending on how far away from school you live, how many roads have to be crossed and how busy those roads are, and how responsible/sensible the child is.

So a Yr 4 child might walk ahead of parent on way to and from school. A SENSIBLE Yr 5 who lives close by, no roads to cross MIGHT start making the journey by themselves. But most kids (unless SEN or major road or some other reason) to be getting themselves to and from school by themselves by the summer term of Yr 6.

Going hand-in-hand with this, when my (now 15 yr old) DD was that age, I started letting her have more freedom - going the park without me, going round town with a friend (the first couple of times I was there and in a coffee shop where they could come and find me if needed), giving her a mobile, etc. It's hard, because for the first 10 years or so you put up all these fences to keep them safe, but if you want to raise a responsible and independent adult, at some point you have to gradually dismantle those fences and let them roam free. You try and do it at an age and stage they are ok with, and being mindful of who they are (so if you have a dreamer who's liable to wander out into roads without looking, you have to be more 'on it' than some hyper organised kid who's reminding everyone around them of how to cross a road safely, including other adults).

thepumpk1neater · 08/08/2017 01:06

Leaving a four year old alone is definitely a bit off.

I think to leave completely alone for the first time for a few minutes, would be a 10 or 11 year old, depending on how sensible they were, obviously. Many children that age are getting themselves to and from school, so I think they could be trusted for short periods.

KeepServingTheDrinks · 08/08/2017 01:07

Dancingfairy They investigated because the kid was only 4! And they'd had a report. Most kids don't really get talking on the phone at that age ("let's play i-spy" my DD once said to her friend on the phone age 6!).

I didn't say it was ok, I said there was no minimum legal age, but the consequences stack up very fast if something goes wrong.

But they NFA'd it, which rather proves my point. If SS were really worried about your sister's parenting, they'd have got involved. Her denial won't have been worth that much - SS generally expect to be lied to, because they usually are.

thepumpk1neater · 08/08/2017 01:09

When I had DS he ended up in sbcu and I had to stay in, general chit chat with nurse ended up with me having to goto nurse desk to take a call from social services about my home alone child who was wk shy of 14! who been doing everything for me, cooking etc in run up to last few of my pregnancy. They said she had to go into temp Forster care

Ah, but won't that be because it involves being left alone overnight. There may not be an official guideline, but I think overnight guide age is 16 years? Somebody will know

MaryPoppinsPenguins · 08/08/2017 01:11

I had this on Monday... our builders arrived and started work outside and asked me both for tea, and to move my car. It was 7am (I was fast asleep and answered the door in pjs and a dishevelled state! And realised DH who left ten minutes earlier had finished the milk)

We had just got back from holiday so both DD's hasn't got to bed until 1.30am and were both in my bed...

I shut the (high handled) door, trapped the dog in there with them just in case and left them fast asleep and in moving my car, also bought milk quickly from the shop a street away.

But I panicked the entire time, and leapt the stairs 2 at a time when I got back to find them still asleep, with the dog at their feet. (4 and 6)