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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

What age is it ok to leave children alone in the house while I pop to the shop?

79 replies

Imaginosity · 08/08/2017 00:09

Inspired by another thread...many people seem happy to let children play out unsupervised from the ages of 4/5/6/7 years - so when is it ok to leave children home alone for short times.

There is a shop just across the road from my house - about half a minute's walk. Is it ok for me to pop over and leave my children -age 5 and 7 home alone for a few minutes while I buy something. Previously on mumsnet people seemed to think this was really neglectful.

OP posts:

PidgeonSpray · 08/08/2017 07:53

8/9/10

Migraleve · 08/08/2017 07:55

Why wouldn't anyone? Once my youngest was 5, I started leaving them for the 2 minutes it would take to dash for a pint of milk. They had usually not even moved from looking at their screens when I got back.

That great and all, but you quoted my question then didn't actually answer it

Coulddowithanap · 08/08/2017 08:04

I have left DD 10 and DS 5 whilst popping over the road for milk. Probably gone a few minutes. The few times I have done this they don't even move from the position I left them in (I put something on the TV for them before I leave even though it's for a few minutes)

They know not to answer the door and also what to do if the smoke alarm goes off.

I've left DD home alone when getting DS's hair cut (also across the road) so that was more like half an hour.

I'm not planning on leaving them alone together for that long, I will wait a few more years for that!

YellowLawn · 08/08/2017 08:19

it's about slowly building up.
have been leaving dc home a lone for up to half an hour for a while. they themselves walk to friends to play (2 quiet roads to cross)
they are mostly sensible grab the chance to watch tv whilst no one can dictate what they watch and we have some ground rules.

it's liberating.

NikiBabe · 08/08/2017 08:33

When I had DS he ended up in sbcu and I had to stay in, general chit chat with nurse ended up with me having to goto nurse desk to take a call from social services about my home alone child who was wk shy of 14! who been doing everything for me, cooking etc in run up to last few of my pregnancy.

That's alot of pressure on a 13 year old.

Some adult DPs dont do that for their pregnant wives / partners as they're at work.

What would you have done if you didnt have a 13 yo child to wait on you hand and foot?

sweetbitter · 08/08/2017 08:45

Would have left DSS for 5 minutes from about age 7 or 8. Not before as he'd sometimes get scared being alone, and I don't think he'd have coped well if anything unexpected happened.

Maci · 08/08/2017 09:02

"You go with your gut and your common sense OP."

But some people lack common sense so you can't apply that to everyone. Every situation is unique. How far is the shop? Where do you live, somewhere rural and quiet or off a busy A road? Do you have friendly neighbours on hand in case of an emergency? Does your child know how to contact you if they need to? Is the child OK with it or would they panic (if they were sleeping and woke up for example) etc.etc.

Sometimes I'd deem it ok to do, other times not. It's easy to say common sense but I've seen many shocking examples of a repeated lack of common sense from some people.

Hoppinggreen · 08/08/2017 09:08

I have just started leaving my sensible 12 year old and 8 year old alone for brief periods, although I would leave the 12 year old for longer periods and have done for about a year.
I have a work meeting 10 minutes from home on Friday for 1.5 hours and I'm leaving them then. My phone will be handy and several neighbors we know we'll work from him and so will be around too

Rikalaily · 08/08/2017 09:32

Not until they are in high school. So 11+, ds was 12 (now 15) because he wasn't as sensible as dd1 who we left for short periods when 11 (now 12). They are not left with the younger ones, they come with us.

DonaldStott · 08/08/2017 09:35

I am considering leaving dd who is nearly 9, when I nip the local shop. Wouldn't be more than 10mins and she is very sensible.

Her cousin is the same age and I know there is no way her mum would leave her to go the shops.

Only you know your own child.

InDubiousBattle · 08/08/2017 09:44

This is so interesting. My dc are still very little so leaving them to go out isn't on my radar yet (they're 3.3.5 and just 2). However me and a group of friends with dc around the same age (toddlers)were chatting the other day when one mum said she couldn't wait to have a shower alone at the weekend. We were all a bit surprised that she didn't just leave her 3.5 year old to play whilst she got a shower. It would probably take me less time the nip to the shop and buy a pint of milk than it would to go get a shower.

onitlikeacarbonnet · 08/08/2017 09:45

I wouldn't leave my 6&7 year olds alone in the house but I do let them play largely unsupervised in the park across the street and they go to the shop for the odd thing alone. The shop can't be seen from home but is a minute away across the park.
I have also let them both go to a friends house maybe 2 minutes away but texted to check they were there safely.

It's relatively quiet here and there are lots of kids, some younger than mine, who are out and about playing.
The main reason I don't let them go further is the traffic. Not that I don't think they're safe.

CurlsandCurves · 08/08/2017 09:50

I've left mine alone for the 5-10 mins it takes to go to the shop since they were about 7/8.

They are 12 and 8. The last couple of school holidays I've left them for an hour or so together while I go to a gym class. To clarify the gym is 2 mins drive away, DS1 has a mobile phone and I have my phone on me the whole time. Won't leave the 8 year old on his own for that length of time as he would have no way of getting in touch if he needed to.

thepumpk1neater · 08/08/2017 09:56

I think it's irresponsible to leave 4 - 5 year old children alone in the house (for a 'couple' of minutes - driving or walking even a short distance, selecting, queuing, paying, takes more than 2 minutes). I suppose you tell them not to answer the door, and a list of rules you would give a much older child? Whether or not, a bit much I think and I would go so far to say I would report somebody who was doing this.

DollyDillys · 08/08/2017 10:20

Depends where shop is. Mine is 6 doors down and I leave my kids to go there all the time.

Hoppinggreen · 08/08/2017 12:04

I have a close friend who is quite senior in Child safeguarding for our Council and we were actually discussing this the other day
She was saying that there is NO LEGAL AGE to leave your dc but if you are considered to have put them at risk by leaving them too young or for too long you can be prosecuted. So for example if you pop to the shops and leave an 8 year old that's fine but if you leave a 14 year old over night or a 12 year old for an afternoon they have an accident there could be repercussions if you are shown to have been negligent

PrimalLass · 08/08/2017 14:43

Whether or not, a bit much I think and I would go so far to say I would report somebody who was doing this.

Which would get you nowhere.

thepumpk1neater · 08/08/2017 14:48

Which would get you nowhere

You're right. Social services and the police wouldn't be interested in a 4 and 5 year old child left alone in the house, unsupervised. It would be completely fine

Honestly!

melj1213 · 08/08/2017 14:50

I think it's irresponsible to leave 4 - 5 year old children alone in the house

I disagree - if I had never left my DD alone in the house for 5 minutes I would never have been able to hang the washing out, or wash the windows or mow the lawn etc as all of those tasks take longer than it takes me to nip to the shop and back but are easier to do if DD is inside watching TV rather than by my side getting in the way.

It;s one thing to say "I wouldn't go out for dinner and leave the kids at home" but I think children can be left unsupervised in the house while you do household chores. It takes less time for me to nip to the shop than it does for me to shower, so why should it be OK for my DD to be left to her own devices whilst I'm in the bathroom but not while I nip across the street?

PrimalLass · 08/08/2017 14:50

That great and all, but you quoted my question then didn't actually answer it

Ok why would I? Because sometimes it seemed pointless when the shop is about 50 steps away and it would take less time to be there and back than for them to get their shoes on etc. We live somewhere safe and relaxed. The chance of anyone coming to the door was very slim. My children are both very sensible and mature for their ages.

I had a similar discussion with someone who couldn't understand not locking the front door when you're in the house during the day. It depends how safe you feel where you live.

PrimalLass · 08/08/2017 14:51

I never mentioned a 4 year old. And no, they wouldn't care if I went the equivalent of a long garden for 2 mins.

WorkingBling · 08/08/2017 14:53

I think it depends on a lot on the child. DS is 6. I think he's close to being okay if I left him for a few minutes to go next door or similar, but he's not there yet and him and we talked about it the other day and agreed we'd start thinking about it when he's 7. I don't imagine I could leave him for longer until he's a lot older. DD on the other hand, is only 3, but I'm pretty confident that by the time she is 6 I might feel comfortable leaving her for a few minutes and that she will be fine alone earlier than her brother. Depends on child entirely.

JennyOnAPlate · 08/08/2017 15:01

My 9 year old has been left for up to 20 minutes a few times. None of the other kids in her friendship group have ever been left though and their parents were really shocked that I had left her!

No chance with my 7.5 year old. She won't even go upstairs on her own, nevermind having the whole house to herself

PrimalLass · 08/08/2017 15:04

Most 9 year olds where we live go out to play and can be out for hours.

Geekmama · 08/08/2017 15:06

Honestly OP depends on your child and there Maturity level. My son has just turned seven and isn't allowed to play out by him self and we certainly wouldn't leave him Home alone. We've just started allowing him to look round a Single level shop by him self With us monitoring at a distance. Every child is different, only you will know what your child can cope with!

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