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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In thinking that my DH is being ureasonable to me?

84 replies

bubblicious · 28/03/2007 19:52

or am I just over reacting?

On Monday I went in to hospital to have a small but nevertheless scary procedure on my heart. I had to stay in hosp 1 night and so I got back yesterday lunchtime. I have been given a list of does and donts etc such as only go up stairs if you really have too, no driving for a week,no heavy lifting and the list goes on! Oh and it says rest a lot!

Well so far DH has expected me to cook dinner last night and tonight(admittedly he was taking DDs to dance last night, but I have to manage to juggle every Tues to cook a meal and get them to and from dance!)

iron his work trousers and DD sch jumper( he does normally iron but for the life he cant iron creases, but it was the comment I got from him which really hurt when I told him how much it hurt just standing in one place bending over- his comment "well sit then")

and then when I was just in the kitchen making their sandwiches for tomorrow and sorting the 2DDs that had just come in from Brownies (with cake and milk) he shouts through hatch way and says, are you making a cup of tea oh and I'll have cake too!

Should I tell him to bog off (which is what I nearly did, but I very politely said"Im the one that has just had an op, not you" I did not make him the cup of tea and strange thing is he hasnt bothered to make it so he cant be that fussed!

there feel better for that he just makes me so at times!

OP posts:
Original poster
bubblicious · 01/04/2007 20:17

still in a lot of pain,had another sleep today, Im ob not sleeping well at night so thats why in the day! Am phoning Arrythmia nurse tommorow if pain is still bad, so far it is!

OP posts:
pinkchampagne · 01/04/2007 20:20

Sorry to hear you are still suffering, bubble. I hope DH is now taking this a bit more seriously & not expecting you to do so much.

Original poster
bubblicious · 01/04/2007 20:25

he isnt grumping at me, just more ignoring me. What really upset me this morning is when I told him I was going upstairs to make the phone call to the CCu. He eventually came upstairs and said you are ok? I said yes and he walked off! So I shouted thanks for asking about phone call! He said I did and you told me your'e ok! He didnt say those words- how am I supposed to know what hes saying! Bloody man really and trully P**s me off at the mo!

OP posts:
pinkchampagne · 01/04/2007 20:32

Men just don't think sometimes!!

Original poster
bubblicious · 01/04/2007 20:35

I cant wait until 9am comes tomorrow and I will be on that phone, I was gutted when the ward sister told me that CCU was closed over the weekend and that the Arrythmia Nurse only worked Mon- Fri(although did think that! but how dare they when Im in pain!!!)

OP posts:
pinkchampagne · 01/04/2007 20:35

Is the pain no better, bubble?

Original poster
bubblicious · 01/04/2007 20:39

no, sob sob, not getting any sympathy here!

OP posts:
pinkchampagne · 01/04/2007 20:42

Oh dear I guess it could well just be a result of the surgery, but I would have thought you would have been pre-warned & provided with strong painkillers!
Hope you get some reassurance tomorrow.

Original poster
bubblicious · 01/04/2007 20:47

So do I, cant believe how long the pain has lasted!

And in my holiday time as well!

OP posts:
pinkchampagne · 01/04/2007 20:49

Not good Hopefully it will be over soon.

Original poster
bubblicious · 01/04/2007 20:53

Glad hes at work tomorrow but whats the betting he gets me up before he leaves!

OP posts:
pinkchampagne · 01/04/2007 20:56

Don't you let him get at you, bubble! He should be taking care of you.

Hilllary · 01/04/2007 20:57

Blimey you sound like a door mat!

Your DH needs to see what side his breads buttered, either that or a damn good shacking.

Original poster
bubblicious · 01/04/2007 20:58

So funny cos he blames everything on me!

OP posts:
pinkchampagne · 01/04/2007 21:05

Well it is not all your fault, bubble! FGS you have just had surgery!!!

Judy1234 · 01/04/2007 21:11

You mustn't let it be so, b or you're enabling his behaviour by tolerating it.

Original poster
bubblicious · 01/04/2007 21:18

sometimes I do and sometimes I dont, he is a very hard man to live with, i have to admit he has only been this bad for a couple of yrs!

OP posts:
Elasticwoman · 02/04/2007 12:57

Bubb, can you take dh with you for medical appts so that he can hear from the dr exactly what your condition is and what you should/should not be expected to do at home and for how long? (Get a babysitter if necessary.)

Your dh sounds like not the most considerate but you are giving him mixed messages. He is not a mind reader, far from it, so don't tell him you're ok unless you are fighting fit (which it sounds like you're not).

Original poster
bubblicious · 02/04/2007 13:26

DH was with me when the consultant came and visited me on the ward. Dh waited until we got home then started to question me why shouldnt I do this and why shouldnt I do that.

To make me smile to myself this morning:-

DD3(who is just 7yrs old) came into my room this morning and looked very proud of herself.(yesterday it had been bed changing day) and I needed a snooze so bunked up on her bed as ours was still stripped, when it came to her going to bed she noticed that my pillows had the old cases on and were still in her room. She not only put the pillows back in my room, but changed the cases and put the other ones to wash.....(what a sweetie). She then told me she did it because she knew that Daddy was to grumpy to do itand she thought I wasnt well enough!

As they say out of the mouths of babes!

OP posts:
Original poster
bubblicious · 02/04/2007 13:27

oh and she didnt want any pocket money for doing!!!!!(they were her exact words!)

OP posts:
GameGirly · 02/04/2007 13:28

What a poppet! And good think you've got someone looking out for you. How are you feeling today?

GameGirly · 02/04/2007 13:29

What a poppet! And good think you've got someone looking out for you. How are you feeling today?

Original poster
bubblicious · 02/04/2007 13:31

have taken some strong painkillers and have a bit of relief at mo! thank goodness

OP posts:
Littlefish · 02/04/2007 13:58

Bubblicious - I've had the same operation done I think. I had an extra pathway burnt out by radio waves. It took me a good 2 weeks to feel really well again. The stab wound in your leg needs time to heal, quite apart from the fact that your heart has been effectively cut and needs to mend. Just because you can't see it, and because it was done under local anaesthetic it's very tempting to think that it was a minor op. Actually, it wasn't. It's also extremely scary to have someone messing around with your heart while you're awake.

You MUST take it easy. Rest as much as possible. If necessary, make a list of the jobs you usually do, and then tick the ones you feel able to do now. Your dh will just have to do the rest. If he won't, then they just need to remain undone.

On a lighter note, I haven't had any irregular heart rhythms since I had my operation 8 years ago. I used to suffer at least one episode every few days, so it's an incredibly improvement.

Original poster
bubblicious · 02/04/2007 16:09

Thanks Littlefish, I must admit I, until thursday that it was only minor, but the pain I have been in since has certainly changed my mind! I guess Im not a very good patient and hate being stuck indoors- silly thing is i dont actually have the energy to do much else.

OP posts:
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