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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In thinking that my DH is being ureasonable to me?

84 replies

bubblicious · 28/03/2007 19:52

or am I just over reacting?

On Monday I went in to hospital to have a small but nevertheless scary procedure on my heart. I had to stay in hosp 1 night and so I got back yesterday lunchtime. I have been given a list of does and donts etc such as only go up stairs if you really have too, no driving for a week,no heavy lifting and the list goes on! Oh and it says rest a lot!

Well so far DH has expected me to cook dinner last night and tonight(admittedly he was taking DDs to dance last night, but I have to manage to juggle every Tues to cook a meal and get them to and from dance!)

iron his work trousers and DD sch jumper( he does normally iron but for the life he cant iron creases, but it was the comment I got from him which really hurt when I told him how much it hurt just standing in one place bending over- his comment "well sit then")

and then when I was just in the kitchen making their sandwiches for tomorrow and sorting the 2DDs that had just come in from Brownies (with cake and milk) he shouts through hatch way and says, are you making a cup of tea oh and I'll have cake too!

Should I tell him to bog off (which is what I nearly did, but I very politely said"Im the one that has just had an op, not you" I did not make him the cup of tea and strange thing is he hasnt bothered to make it so he cant be that fussed!

there feel better for that he just makes me so at times!

OP posts:
southeastastra · 28/03/2007 19:54

please just look after yourself don't get stressed out by your husband. i'm angry for you.

lou33 · 28/03/2007 19:54

you are v definitely NOT being unreasonable, my blood is boiling on your behalf. Tell him to take more care of you.

mytwopenceworth · 28/03/2007 19:56

no, i'd be pissed off too (in fact i am with my dh, and i'm off to start a thread of my own to rant about it!!)

i dont know why you haven't thrown something at him. i know if it was me, i'd already have yelled at him and he'd have an iron shaped dent in the back of his head!

maisym · 28/03/2007 19:56

put on your pj's and get into bed - this is where you stay. Your dh does everything for the kids & you.

Original poster
bubblicious · 28/03/2007 19:57

I think he feels Ive done nothing all day so I should be ok now! trouble is I sound and look ok, its just when I move its like I have been riding a bike for too long because they entered the heart throgh my groin!

OP posts:
edam · 28/03/2007 19:58

You have just had a nasty procedure and have medical advice that you should rest. Do what the doctor told you and if dh argues, tell him to phone the consultant.

Troutpout · 28/03/2007 19:59

Bubblicious...He's being unreasonable ...and you need to tell him so now because if he's like this after one day, then he's only going to be worse tomorrow.
Look after yourself!...and make him help you!

Original poster
bubblicious · 28/03/2007 20:01

I actually have it all written down and Dh was there when the consultant came and spoke afterwards!Whilst in hosp he was a very attentative husband, even turning the channels over for me on the tele as I had to lie on my back for 3hrs!

OP posts:
maisym · 28/03/2007 20:01

go to your docs tomorrow - tell them what's happening & get them to write down for your dh what resting actually means - you need to rest.

If it was your dh that had had this what would he be doing?? making cups of tea, dinner, looking after kids???? I imagine he'd be in bed being completely looked after for a few days........with aches, pains and general grumpyness.

southeastastra · 28/03/2007 20:02

blimey poor you! rest! now! tell him to read this thread.

NoodleStroodle · 28/03/2007 20:10

Bubblicious - stop! If DH and DDs have to go to work/school in creased clothes it wont kill them but doing the ironing obviously isn't helping you. Say you are feeling unwell and GO TO BED and stay there! So there'll be havoc but your family need to realise that you HAVE to rest and infact they can manage for a few days without you. Sometimes it pays to be a bit of a drama queen to get your own way but if you don't look after yourself and rest you are helping no-one. Bed Now!

pansypants · 28/03/2007 20:10

speaking as one who takes part in these procedures YOU ARE TOLD TO REST FOR A REASON,,,,,,,,... GET OFF YUOR LEGS AND REST!

lecture over , how is your bp?

Original poster
bubblicious · 28/03/2007 20:20

Still very high, obviously hospital monitered all the way through and even being sedated the bottom number never went lower than 89. The consultant told the Nurse that he was going to write a strong letter to my GP's (the nurse told me, although saying that she did worry me slightly as everytime she took BP she pulled a face!

OP posts:
pansypants · 28/03/2007 20:59

good at least something wil bw done, better form a cardiologist than a jobbing gp imo,, for matters of the ehart

pinkchampagne · 28/03/2007 21:06

I can't believe your DH, bubble!! He should be looking after you, not demanding you do chores for him!

Like others have said, stop cooking etc & look after yourself. You only got out of hospital yesterday afternoon FGS!!

I amon your behalf!

Original poster
bubblicious · 28/03/2007 21:06

LOl. have made an app tomorrow for GP! so hope all is ok.

OP posts:
Original poster
bubblicious · 28/03/2007 21:08

Thanks PP, didnt remember you at first but have now twigged! must the the diazapam!!!!

OP posts:
LowFatMilkshake · 28/03/2007 21:08

To your DH -

Tell him unles you rest at home you will be readmitted and forced to rest. Then he'll be on his own completely

When I was in hosp with DS recently I had to write washing machine instructions for DH and he even tried ironing while he stayed home with DD.

It's not forever so your DH should do his share and look after his family - including you!

pinkchampagne · 28/03/2007 21:14

Can't believe he made you cook again tonight!!!

Harra · 28/03/2007 21:23

Sounds like you had an angiogram (am a cardiac nurse) - You do need to rest - he is being unreasonable. Like a lot of men I know not good when their other half needs attention for longer than half a day. Agree with pinkchampagne -look after yourself. Follow the advice - you will get overtired, bruising around the groin if you do too much, no matter how good you feel. Sorry he is being like this.

lisad123 · 28/03/2007 21:25

I am shocked and angry for you
Tell him to sod off, tell him your going to your bed and not moving all day tomorrow.
L

pinkchampagne · 28/03/2007 21:34

Please make sure you rest, bubble, it is important you take it easy.

recoveringmum · 28/03/2007 21:35

agree with everyone who recommends you to take it easy and get your rest, creased trousers or unwashed children.
dont get angry at dh now because stress and anger are more damaging then lack of rest!

he should have made plans to give you a good 48 hours OFF after you were in hospital and help you out the rest of the week, but you can tell him about that after you are rested.
(and what about some flowers or chocolates or something? you were in an operation!)

recoveringmum · 28/03/2007 21:36

take a bath and relax. you deserve it.
hugs

pinkchampagne · 28/03/2007 21:45

Last I heard from bubble, she had felt she had to get off the computer because her husband was getting on at her to take clothes out of the tumble dryer.

I am so cross that he is expecting her to do all this & not allowing her to rest.