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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

In thinking that my DH is being ureasonable to me?

84 replies

bubblicious · 28/03/2007 19:52

or am I just over reacting?

On Monday I went in to hospital to have a small but nevertheless scary procedure on my heart. I had to stay in hosp 1 night and so I got back yesterday lunchtime. I have been given a list of does and donts etc such as only go up stairs if you really have too, no driving for a week,no heavy lifting and the list goes on! Oh and it says rest a lot!

Well so far DH has expected me to cook dinner last night and tonight(admittedly he was taking DDs to dance last night, but I have to manage to juggle every Tues to cook a meal and get them to and from dance!)

iron his work trousers and DD sch jumper( he does normally iron but for the life he cant iron creases, but it was the comment I got from him which really hurt when I told him how much it hurt just standing in one place bending over- his comment "well sit then")

and then when I was just in the kitchen making their sandwiches for tomorrow and sorting the 2DDs that had just come in from Brownies (with cake and milk) he shouts through hatch way and says, are you making a cup of tea oh and I'll have cake too!

Should I tell him to bog off (which is what I nearly did, but I very politely said"Im the one that has just had an op, not you" I did not make him the cup of tea and strange thing is he hasnt bothered to make it so he cant be that fussed!

there feel better for that he just makes me so at times!

OP posts:

Judy1234 · 28/03/2007 21:47

You are letting your children and your husband down by not being in bed now. You're ignoring doctor's advice. Women over the ages and around the world do this martyr thing, cause themselves damage and then moan again. It's not the way to be. Take an action (go to bed) and do what the doctor said.

Bambiraptor · 28/03/2007 22:23

Exactly what Xenia said.

cinnamontam · 28/03/2007 22:30

Selfish sod!!

Get into bed and tell him to take care of everyone for a few days while you rest.

Original poster

bubblicious · 28/03/2007 22:39

Harra I had a procedure to see if I had an extra connection/pathway ETC which I did and cardiologist blasted it for me by catheter ablation! Ouch it hurt1 as I was awake

OP posts:

VeniVidiVickiQV · 28/03/2007 22:42

bubblicious...Just Dont Do It.

He might expect it, he might ask. Say no.

Elasticwoman · 29/03/2007 10:03

People will treat you in the way that you let them get away with. Your big mistake was not getting straight into bed when you got home from hospital, and staying there except for trips to the toilet. What were you thinking of, IRONING?? Just because he expected you to?

Harra · 29/03/2007 10:47

Ow bubblicious - you really must rest - It's so easy to think you are ok when you can't see what has been done, but your heart has taken a bit of trauma due to the procedure and will need time to recover - remember it is doing an essential job of pumping blood round your body getting oxygen to everywhere - anything you do - getting out of bed, walking, puts demands on your body so you do need to do the minimum to let your heart recover and get back to full strength. Hope your dh is behaving now.

HoppyDaddy · 29/03/2007 11:43

Jesus, about the only time I agree with Xenia is when she's bashing lazy tossy men.

Bubblicious, is your dh trying to ignore your problems? Hoping it will just go away?

Or is he just being a selfish twat?

Do you have enough energy to kick him in the cock?

Christ, DW fainted the other day. I wouldn't let her do a thing after that. She got the hump, though.

kslatts · 29/03/2007 12:38

You are not being unreasonable.

Go to bed and let him cope for a while.

Aloha · 29/03/2007 12:40

Bubblicious, you are letting him treat you like this by doing all this stuff. Go to bed!!!!

AnAngelWithin · 29/03/2007 12:43

i would go mad at him. you need rest. total rest.

hoppydaddy is you dw ok now?

bran · 29/03/2007 12:44

Just don't do it, tell him you're feeling worse. It won't kill anyone to have sandwiches/takeaways instead of proper meals for a while. IMO there is no need to ever iron, though I admit I am a lazy cow. I don't buy clothes for myself that need to be ironed and DH does his own shirts or sends them out to a laundry service.

I hope you feel better soon.

HoppyDaddy · 29/03/2007 12:46

AnAngelWithin, check out my DW has gone away thread.

Thank you for asking.

bozza · 29/03/2007 12:51

bubb - you need to follow doctor's instructions. I too agree with Xenia. You are doing nobody any favours. What were you doing in the kitchen doing packed lunches anyway?

bozza · 29/03/2007 12:51

Sorry for sounding harsh. I do hope you start to feel better soon.

AnAngelWithin · 29/03/2007 12:57

oh sorry HD. have read it now. hope things are ok. take care x x

Original poster

bubblicious · 29/03/2007 23:02

thanks guys, he can be a real at times he normally is very good at helping out etc. i just think that as I look ok and sound ok then I must be ok!

Went to the GPs this morning and BP is still high 180 over 110. so he is sending me for blood tests and is arranging the BP24, at least DH asked when he got home from work today how I was feeling and how I got on!

OP posts:

pinkchampagne · 30/03/2007 13:57

Hope you are now resting, while your husband looks after you & the girls, bubble.

dionnelorraine · 30/03/2007 14:13

I would never let my dh treat me like that. I have been in and out of hospital having various ops over the last 2 years. Luckily he is great and looks after me and our dd very well. If he did expect me to do everything I would certainly say 'sod off and do it yourself you lazy arse!'

Original poster

bubblicious · 30/03/2007 22:50

I must admit I think I worried DH today!!!!! and stayed in bed and missed DDs easter parade. I was in so much pain I couldnt sit, stand or lie!. I made another app at Dr and he reckons its just an after thing from the procedure, but because I went to bed DH thought I must be bad(normally I lie on sofa!)-will remember that next time1 Luckily now I still feel a little pain but no where as much as earlier, I thought Dr was going to say hospital the pain was that bad! and I slept so much it was lovely!

OP posts:

dionnelorraine · 31/03/2007 09:18

Good on you! keep it up for as long as you can! make him realise that you are actually ill! Considering you had a heart op and all!

Pinkchampagne · 31/03/2007 15:05

Absolutely! Glad he is now taking this a bit more seriously, bubble.
Hope you're feeling a little better today.

Original poster

bubblicious · 31/03/2007 21:05

I sarted the day without any pain, by lunchtime it was agony again, so i gave the girls to earn a fiver while DH went and did the food shop, and tidy their bedrooms-and I meant tidy(bless them they did a cracking job and even DD1 who can be a real madam took hrs and they all now have sparkling clean bedrooms. While they did that I went to bed and slept for 2 hrs! just as long as DH doesnt find out!!!

OP posts:

dionnelorraine · 01/04/2007 17:00

How are you today?

bozza · 01/04/2007 17:03

Why should DH not find out? I don't think you did anything wrong. You obviously needed that sleep.

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