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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think women aren't 'birds'?

93 replies

Collidascope · 07/08/2017 11:22

Plumber arrived about half an hour ago. Was just making a cup of tea for him and then hear him on the phone to his mate, asking, "What bird is it? Is it that Lisa bird? On Saturday night?" Then proceeds to talk about how he doesn't like a particular TV programme but "you have to watch it if you've got a bird." And lots more high quality "banter".
AIBU to want to spit in his tea? Not to actually do it, but to want to?

OP posts:
placemark123 · 07/08/2017 12:44

Just call him pet a lot. That's what I have started doing to people who call me love/ darlin etc.

AlmostAJillSandwich · 07/08/2017 12:45

My dad calls women he talks to on the phone/customer services etc as love, and males mate. Its not neant derogatory or patronising its just a friendly term.
What terminology he uses with his mates is none of your business tbh. Arguably you shouldnt be listening to his conversation. If you dislike his referral of love to you ask him to use sonething you are comfortable with.
Better to refer to her as a bird than a piece of ass/some pussy etc.

AWendyAteMyFitbit · 07/08/2017 12:47

I don't like "doll", mainly because it was repeated by Olivia on LI ad infinitum.

Ellieboolou27 · 07/08/2017 12:58

almost I agree!
Stop being nosey and keep your beak out of his private conversation Smile

RiverTam · 07/08/2017 13:01

Wow, do all the defenders of this sexist bilge think it's fine to use words like n and p**? Someone up thread saying its 'part of their cultural demographic'? What the actual fuck?

abigcupoffuckyou · 07/08/2017 13:06

No idea why birds is even a name for women though

Young women were called birds a thousand years ago, due to the overlap with the word burde (middle english for girl) but the modern usage is due to 50's slang where women were birds and men were cats.

scrabbler3 · 07/08/2017 13:09

It's sexist and belongs in the 1970s.

Make a loud phone call referring to him as "the little man doing the plumbing" or something. If he's fond of the old-fashioned, as he clearly is, he won't be offended.

noeffingidea · 07/08/2017 13:16

Rivertam those words you used are slurs, some people don't see the word bird as being a slur, that's all.
Being called love, darling or babes by various people doesn't bother me either, it's what I'm used to. Though I agree they can sound inappropiate in a professional setting I don't see them as harmful in themselves.

RiverTam · 07/08/2017 13:29

So it's fine to be sexist but not racist? Attitudes from the 1970s are tickets-boo with regards to women but not ethnic minorities?

You know that's absolute bullshit.

Brittbugs80 · 07/08/2017 13:34

Bird doesn't bother me. Sometimes my sister will text and say, "bird, what was that book" or similar.

Now I can't stand chick, especially when people spell it chic. Or babe. Or Hun.

womisacu1 · 07/08/2017 13:37

This reply has been deleted

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Scabetty · 07/08/2017 13:49

In Glasgow it's hen. I have told dh never to use it when addressing me.

Original poster
Collidascope · 07/08/2017 13:56

"What terminology he uses with his mates is none of your business tbh. Arguably you shouldnt be listening to his conversation."

Arguably, he shouldn't be standing around ringing his mates for a chat while I'm paying him to do a job. Also, hard not to listen when he's about six feet away from me bellowing down the phone and guffawing.

OP posts:
NipInTheAir · 07/08/2017 14:02

Apologies. My comment about his social demographic didn't mean it was acceptable but tried to explain that's how he and his uneducated mates communicated with each other and on that level it was understandable.

Racist terms are deplorable in any setting.

For those saying the op shouldn't be listening he is in her home, she will be paying him and he needs to respect his client's boundaries.

crazymissdaisy · 07/08/2017 14:06

What I want to know OP is what game of thrones password you wanted your plumber to stand on your doorstep and say? I am enjoying imagining different tradesman appear saying "valar morghulis" or "winter is here" or "a girl is no one"?😁

melj1213 · 07/08/2017 14:07

Just call him pet a lot. That's what I have started doing to people who call me love/ darlin etc

You do know that the people who use terms of endearment 99.9% of the time have no issue with being called them so I'm sure he won't mind at all, right?

Wow, do all the defenders of this sexist bilge think it's fine to use words like n* and p*? Someone up thread saying its 'part of their cultural demographic'?

What the actual fuck makes you compare someone referring to women as "birds" to racist language?! They are two very different things - one is a normal slang term, used by both men and women, in some areas of the country and the other is offensive and racist.

I live and was brought up in a working class industrial town in the NW and it barely registers when people call me love/honey/hun/dear/darling/chick/hen/duck/lovely/sweetheart etc because it is just such a normal turn of phrase and clearly not meant in a negative or derogatory way at all. "What can I get you, hun?" "Can you be a dear and pass me that book? "You alright love? Not seen you for a few days", "Thanks for that, chick"

I have even been known to use the term "bird" to refer to women because where I live it is nothing more than another way of referring to a woman, most commonly in reference to someone's girlfriend, it's not meant in any kind of derogatory or negative way

Original poster
Collidascope · 07/08/2017 14:14

Crazy, I don't want to give away spoilers to anyone not up to date, but it was something that Arya says in season 7 episode 1, and 'winter' was part of it

OP posts:
x2boys · 07/08/2017 14:17

Meh men say this is me bird (name ) around here even some women will ask a man is this your bird?

x2boys · 07/08/2017 14:19

It's better than being called cock imo another local term of endearment .

RiverTam · 07/08/2017 14:22

mel so you're another one that thinks sexism is fine but racism not? Just because you've become so used to something doesn't make it right. Your arguments make you and your community sound pretty dimwitted, tbh - using 'bird' because you need another word for 'girlfriend' - two syllables too much for you?

x2boys · 07/08/2017 14:26

Mel may well live in the same NW town as me I don't find it particularly sexist or offensive but I,m sure different parts of the country have different terms .

NipInTheAir · 07/08/2017 14:26

TBF if DH had ever called me his bird he'd have been dumped. My girlfriend, my wife, Nip, my wife.

MiniMum97 · 07/08/2017 14:46

I'm with Mel - I'm from South London and used to call everyone babe, hon or love. These are terms of endearment, not derogatory. I seem to have migrated onto "lovely" and "love" now though and don't use the other two any more. Not sure why, probably age! Use the terms with both men and women though.

melj1213 · 07/08/2017 14:47

RiverTam just because you don't like something doesn't make it inherently wrong either.

I am a woman and I use it and have no problem with it being used in reference to me at all because it s a colloquial term for woman where I am from and it is used by all genders to all genders for all occasions. There is no derogatory inference attached to the word that some people seem to have elsewhere so it would appear that context and environment play a huge part in it's acceptability.

My community is not "dimwitted" and neither am I, nor did I need to resort to personal insults to make my point, but it is definitely a working class town where slang terms and colloquial use of the English language is an every day occurrence and is used by pretty much everyone.

DarkerWeb · 07/08/2017 14:49

Is it different to 'bloke'? If so, how?