neighbour betrayal

[Diana37000]

really upset. Moved in 3 yrs ago. Widowed neighbour next door, nearly 70 but v.active and looks 50. Made friends, without being in each others' pockets. Told her lots of stuff in confidence. Have applied for planning permission for extension. Only she had objected, on an irrational basis, which doesn't even make sense to the council officer or builder. They advised us to chat to her. We tried this morning but she won't budge. Realise now that she was never a friend, just interested in gossip and knowing what was going on. Feel v hurt. Husband used this example to tell the kids never to trust anyone!!

Planning allows for objections. Those entitled to can but not all objections are upheld. There has though to be a clear and lawful reason for not upholding objection. You may get a better result of amendments are made though will cost you further application expenses. Would you approve if your neighbour wanted to do what you are proposing?

The people opposite me put in planning permission for large single story extension, they discussed it with their 80 year old neighbour, she said it looked great and wouldn't it be wonderful etc. Next thing they know, the neighbour has put in objection and says it will block all her natural light. The council will have realised this was an irrational objection as the sun only comes from the opposite direction. She was acting like she hadn't put in objection which came across as two-faced. She hadn't realised it was online for everyone to see! The planning permission went through no problem.

Did you discuss it with her before you put the plans in? Or is the first she found about it was when the council showed her the plans?

My NDN has done the same to me. They did an extension under permitted planning without a word to me then did a loft conversion for which they had to submit an application without discussion but I never objected. However when I submitted my plans guess who objected. Planning Dept advised unless they withdraw their objection my plans can't go ahead. So planners being 'objective' is a bit of a myth in my experience!

If her house is bigger, what's your planning compared to what she already has? Maybe you can just write to back your argument saying regarding something like that. Our neighbours objected and they already had one themselves, so seemed silly too!

She's not in agreement and has expressed her disagreement via an objection which is her right. You are allowed to be frustrated but talk of betrayal is over the top and your H sounds like a massive twat.

There is no law, morally or legally that she has to prioritise your feelings and opinions above hers and I think your feelings of betrayal says more about you and where you're at emotionally, then it says about her.

You are a tad dramatic with your 'betrayal'. No matter how much she might like you, she has a right to object to your building plans - and your attitude towards her says way more about you than it does about your neighbour...

Although from your side of the fence she may be a young looking, sprightly genterian, you do not know what battles she may be facing. No-one does! She may have cancer and may want to spend what time she has left in her own home, surrounded with her memories. Yep. In the grand scheme of things this is not a big deal! It may be better to teach your children how to negotiate and be humble, to pick your arguments carefully.

Op, it sounds like you are new to the planning process and are taking it too personally. Anybody has a right to object (and many do!) but that is unlikely to actually have any effect on the council decision. That will be based on a set of rules, like how close the extension comes to a boundary, whether it can be seen from the street, what size it is in relation to the existing house etc. If the council say her objection is irrational they will ignore it. But it's probably not irrational to her. I objected to neighbours plans because they were going to have a window overlooking the only private part of my garden. I'm sure they and the planning officer thought it was petty, but it wasn't to me (I only really wanted the window not to happen, not the whole extension). Planning officer came out to look and said I had no right to privacy and it all went ahead. She may have felt embarrassed to tell you to your face that she had a problem. Don't fall out with her, neighbour disputes rarely end well. Maybe be a bit careful what you confide in her, and make sure you are considerate to her once the builders arrive.

We disagreed with our ndn who some violated several laws and completely ruined the other ndns sunlight. Several years ago, and they are still nasty. Call police on us yearly (so petty that the police apologize when they come around), I don't know how long it will take to get over us not wanting them to build where it damaged surrounding properties. We let it go but scofflaws still spit at us. Please consider her point of view. We'd have loved to compromise.

You're being exceedingly dramatic, which will bring about robust responses, IMO.

Plus including her age was unnecessary and irrelevant.

You haven't said what her objections are so we can't really know if they're irrational, but if they are, planning will go ahead.

Your husband is utterly ridiculous.

She has not betrayed you! She has a right to object. The planners will decide if her objection should be unhelpful or not. Go round and make up! Please don't turn your kids against her - that's ridiculous.

Very true. I was beaten up by a neighbour and her friends because we asked them to keep the noise from their party down at 10.30 at night so this all seems like fuss over nothing to me...

So planners being 'objective' is a bit of a myth in my experience

Your story does not in any way support the view that planners were not objective. The extension didn't need permission so the planners would not have got involved. The loft conversion did need permission but you didn't object and there was no legal reason to block the development so the planners allowed it. Your plans needed permission and your neighbours submitted a valid objection so the planners told you it would be blocked unless you persuaded your neighbour to withdraw their objection (which would probably have meant modifying your plans). All absolutely objective on the part of the planners.

I don't think you're being entirely unreasonable feeling that way. Did the neighbour give her reasons for objecting?

Smudge - and they're together still, your ex DH and the neighbour?

If you're a poor judge of character, don't let it screw up your kids!

I know what you mean op. Very similar thing happened to us. Except we were friends for years with our neighbors, www told them we were doing the extension so when they had the plans they didn't object however for the entire time we were building it they kept making comment ls, remarks how they didn't think it'll be so big etc. One day i came home from work the builders put the second floor on and my neighbor was there drunk already at 2pm and when i walked up the drive she started crying how small her house looks now and how every other house had an extension and hers used to be the biggest house years ago...

You're in a worse situation as she objected but try and talk to her, sit down and explain what you want to do and reassure her about what she feels uncomfortable with. Hopefully she'll change her mind

I know what you mean op. Very similar thing happened to us. Except we were friends for years with our neighbors, www told them we were doing the extension so when they had the plans they didn't object however for the entire time we were building it they kept making comment ls, remarks how they didn't think it'll be so big etc. One day i came home from work the builders put the second floor on and my neighbor was there drunk already at 2pm and when i walked up the drive she started crying how small her house looks now and how every other house had an extension and hers used to be the biggest house years ago...

You're in a worse situation as she objected but try and talk to her, sit down and explain what you want to do and reassure her about what she feels uncomfortable with. Hopefully she'll change her mind