I'm a sahm of 4 dcs.. DH works very long hours in a stressful job - often away. He earns a very good 6 figure salary with, for the last few years, a 6 figure bonus. Last year, we bought a 1.1m house with no mortgage. I'd estimate that DH has at least 200k in savings. So yes, I do know I'm extremely fortunate and I know that many people are financially worse off.
I am given a monthly allowance for food shopping/day to day stuff/kids things/clubs etc. Anything else, new clothes, larger expenses, I have to ask for. For example, I need a new pair of winter boots/could we please have a day out this weekend/we need some new lamps for the bedroom etc... all of our savings are in DHs name, I don't even know where he banks. He is very well known for being 'frugal', we drive a pretty shit car, because he thinks they are an unnecessary expense, he often complains about how expensive everything is. I have to run every larger expense by him. I couldn't book concert tickets, or a show for the kids, unless I asked him first, because I literally don't have the money to do it. Every budget, car, holiday, birthdays etc is set by him and always ridiculously small!
I manage the dcs alone almost all of the time, we are without him far more often than we are with him, as his job comes before everything else. I do every school play/parents evening/sports day by myself. I feel that as we are in this financial position, we should enjoy life a little more, rather than constantly having to save for the future. If I try to talk to him about the situation, he generally gets cross and says that he spends a fortune and makes me feel ungrateful. I feel that I should know where our savings are (and have access to them!) and be consulted in the decision making process! AIBU in thinking I should have more control over my life?!?