To not have my dad give me away

[Toodlepip16]

Long story short, my dad moved 200+ miles away when I was 15 after splitting from my mum. Stayed in contact but was minimal, regular phone calls and the odd visit, no child maintenance was ever paid to my mum. Fast forward 12 years, and he moves back in the area when my DS was nearly two as he had no other real reason to stay he was living and he was missing out on his only grandchild growing up (fair play). Our relationship is amicable but strained, not close. I involve him in our lives so DS knows him as well as he knows other grandparents.

So, we have just set a date for our wedding, which is a small non-traditional wedding, close friends and family attending. Since telling my dad, his partner (who I have known for less than a year) has text to ask if my dad will be giving me away as it would mean the world to him. I (politely) replied that no he wouldn't be, as I didn't want anyone to give me away, I would be walking down the aisle with my DS, and I also don't think it would be fair on my DM as she brought me up for longer. She then replied a couple of times questioning my response and telling my how much it would mean to him.
In the end I made her realise it's my/our day and we are doing it how we want to, which she seemed to accept. However I have now heard nothing from them in a fortnight, except the one word response to my text regarding ceremony/time being confirmed, so I think he is being off with me.
AIBU or is he right to be disappointed??

Very glad you stuck to your guns and had a good day.

Even if you did have a perfectly good relationship with your dad, he wouldn't be able to expect that he would give you away.

He doesn't own you, you belong to yourself.

My dad didn't walk me down the aisle and we had a very traditional church wedding. No-one batted an eyelid. Do what suits you.

Congratulations! I walked down the aisle with my DH as I also have/had a terrible relationship with my father. He came and his partner at the time gave me evils all through the meal but it was fine really.

I really loved the fact DH and I did it together. We met outside the door to the ceremony room and it meant we had a moment together before we faced our guests and the ceremony together.

His loss! As Trills said he was wrong to expect and feel entitled to give you away. Not up to him.

Thanks for updating, too. So many posters don't (understandably) but it's nice to know!

I could have written your post op, and no, my Dad didn't walk me down the aisle, I walked with my two nieces who were my bridesmaids. I don't regret my decision in any way.

I wasn't my Dad's to give away anyway, I was a 31 year old with a one year old dc, who'd lived with my husband to be for four years.

I truly feel that you reap what you sow, so if someone is disappointed, or annoyed not to be asked to perform special duties/be a godparent/walk you down the aisle/whatever, they genuinely need to think about why. My Dad was ok with it, he understood why (very acrimonious divorce from my Mum, lack of contact with us dc, tension because I didn't want his gf (the ow) at the wedding etc) and though he wasn't particularly happy about it, we both acknowledged that that's the way it was because of stuff that was actually down to him.

I don't like Bridezillas, but the softer end of the scale is that it is your day, and you should be able to make a decision like this without feeling guilty about it.

So many people have so many opinions on weddings, whether to invite X, who should pay for it, should/shouldn’t you invite kids, other halves, where to have it, ‘I know you don’t want it but I’ll pay for it’, ‘oh it’s traditional’ etc.

At the end of the day it’s the ONE day you get to please yourselves and design a day to celebrate you pair getting married. Marriage is about 2 people and who else you involve and in what capacity is totally up to you. It’s not your job to please others on that day (although being an outright bridezilla is obvs taking it too far!) You’ve been polite, and explained. She shouldn’t be trying to guilt you into changing what you want regardless of whether he was a good father or not (if you wanted your pet dog to walk you down the aisle on your day that’s your call!). And what others expect or them worrying about ‘how it might look’ is not a reason to give in to pressure here.

Learned the hard way that trying to please everyone else on a wedding day just makes you utterly miserable, you can’t possibly please everyone - so you might as well please yourself!