To try to make a child good at sports.

[Georgieporgypuddinandpie]

Am quite prepared to hear that I am, but hear me out....
My ds, age almost 5 seems to be following in the family tradition of being a physically bumbling maths geek... There's tons of us in the family I swear!!
He loves drama, dancing, singing and swimming, is a fast runner and likes climbing but
When it comes to any sort of team sports that kids can expect to be included in eg football, rounders, rugby etc
He's utterly clueless. He can't catch, throw or hit at all and I fear that he's shaping up for a lifetime of being picked last for every team.
So, close to us is a local leisure centre that offers 1-1 coaching sessions from age 5.
Would it be unreasonable to make him go to these for a while to at least build a basic level of competence and confidence?
I've asked him and he says no but he might enjoy it once he gains confidence?
Or alternatively I could sign him up each term to a different sport and see if he takes to any of them?
Or I could just leave him alone and if he ends up being "that" kid, point out all the things he is good at?
Am planning on doing this as well as the drama/dance type things that he enjoys not instead of.
Thanks!

Let him be, sounds like he has found activities he enjoys and wants to be good at. If he has poor ball skills and spatial awareness he may well struggle with team sports and knock his confidence elsewhere.

He doesn't want to do it so why force it? That isn't going to encourage a love of anything!

You sound incredibly pushy considering the child's age. Leave him be and support him in whatever he chooses to do, or not to do.

Best,
M.JD

Follow his interest in swimming and running, if he's fast he's likely to end up being popular for those sports. Schools do swimming and athletics competitions after all.

If you can afford and and he's willing to give it a go I think it's a good idea. 1 to 1 coaching means no one will tease him either.

I think in your shoes I'd be encouraging the skills he's good at and already enjoys. Ok, he may not make the school football team (although he's only 5 - bless - give him a chance!) but if he's excelling at some of the other stuff he'll be the butt of no one's jokes.

Does MartinJD sign all his/her posts?

Yanbu. Kids can be trained or conditioned into enjoying team sports. But if he's already having fun running/climbing/swimming why not focus on those and get him really good.

There is a junior runners club round our way if he is good at running.

For the time being I would just continue to play catch etc with him at home. At some point he might ask to play those sort of games and you might be surprised that the ones that seem good at a young age are caught and overtaken by the ones that didn't seem good when they were younger.

I don't think I'm generally massively pushy Martin and happy for drama and dance to be his first love I just have sad memories of my own, and my brother's childhoods being the child who made everybody groan when they were on the team. Don't expect him to love it or become a sports superstar, just wanted to build a basic level of competence that will avoid those painful memories.
Deep down I think I know people will tell me I am being unreasonable and I probably am.... You just want better childhood experiences for your own child don't you?

You just want better childhood experiences for your own child don't you?

Of course, we all want our kid's childhood to be happy, but who are YOU to say what is "better" for HIM? Pushing him into athletics when that isn't what he wants to do will not make his childhood better, I can assure you. He will have nothing but poor feelings and resentment for being forced to do something he has no interest in. Why can't you tell your son that it's ok to not be good at sports? Because it is ok and it just doesn't matter. You should be trying to make him feel good about himself, not projecting your own feelings of incompetence onto him. Stop trying to change him. He's perfect the way he is.

Going against the grain but yes sign him up but only for things he enjoys

DS is very uncoordinated (suspect undiagnosed dyspraxia) and from early on I had him in football classes, swimming lessons, rugby, judo - whatever he showed an interest in he went

It means he has gone from the boy who was allowed to go and fetch the ball when it went out (lovely small boy mentality at work ) to being able to enjoy a kick around even though he will never be brilliant

I think the best way is to play endless catching, throwing and sport with him yourself.

Georgieporgypuddinandpie: You are completely right but try not to worry, just because you had bad experiences dosn't mean your son will. Kids smell fear, so try not to dwell on it and just support him in what he wants to do.

Cheers,
M.JD

If he's a fast runner he won't be picked last. The kid who can't throw, catch etc, and is also a slow runner will be picked after him! Your son probably has no problems, please don't give him any by harping on about the stuff he's bad at. He should play to his strengths, of which he seems to have many. My son would have had a way better time at school if he could run and do maths!

YANBU. I was useless at team sports or even just catching/throwing a ball as a kid. My parents didn't think it important as I was very academic and musically talented, and they aren't sporty themselves. However, in my school, being good at sports was what made you popular. It was kind of miserable always being picked last in PE etc. So I think it's probably quite a good idea to give your DS some help to at least be competent. I would consider similar for my own DS when he's older if it seems he could use some help. However that said, if he really didn't want to I definitely wouldn't push it.

I would encourage the things he enjoys and focus less on things he is less interested in. As an adult I wouldn't want to be signed up for something I wasn't great at and didn't really enjoy. So I don't see why children should be forced to do things they aren't keen on (clearly there are some things they have to do like go to school/learn to swim).
I do understand where you are coming from in that the playground can be more difficult for boys who aren't natural at sport, but I do think they all find their place in life. There will always be boys who are more keen on tech/lego/minecraft etc.. and he will have a good group of friends who also enjoy this sort of thing. It is better to be in the thick of a group with similar interests than on the edge of a group who might not include your DS.
Maybe look at things like Beavers/athletics clubs etc. which are sociable but not team sports.

martinJD why are you signing all your posts off with 'cheers' 'best'? It is making me laugh mind.

converseandjeans: The aim is to converse in civility. One must do what one can!

Cheers!
M.JD

Leave the poor child alone - celebrate what he does well and provide extra classes in those, rather than trying to fit him into a mould. Poor chap.

Making sure he has a decent level of physical skills isn't pushy, but you dinMt need to enrol him in classes age 5 to achieve that.

Instead, go for things that will increase his fitness, hand/eye co-ordination and ball skills. So play French Cricket on holiday, take him for walks and go swimming, encourage him to climb trees and on climbing frames (maybe monkey bars), have a kick around, play catch, get some bean bags and a hula hoop and just play with them.

Yes, trying a carousel of sports to see if he finds a passion would be good, but I'd wait until he's at least 8ish (and probably older) before trying that.

I have one DC who hates team sports, but found a passion for an individual one in hisnteens. Another loves playing in a team, and is a good all-rounder. And another who is average and joins in but isn't notably good at anything. Same gene pool, same environment, different outcome. There's only so much you can do - encourage activity in whatever form they like and offer opportunities. And that's pretty much it.

I would encourage the running and swimming. DS is a fast runner and there is nothing quite like the feeling of winning your running races on sports day or getting selected for the school athletics team.

DS isn't so good at cricket and was disappointed he didn't make the school team but I pointed out that he made the athletics team and harmony was restored!

he is FIVE - FIVE! leave him be

I know where you're coming from OP - I was That Child, and so were my brothers, and it did suck, even though we were good at plenty of other things and never lacked for friends. My DS is only 2 but already it is clear that he is not going to be sporty. And yes, you absolutely can tell at that age.

My poor mum did her best, and signed us up for karate, squash (it was the 1980s), tennis, basketball, rugby (my brothers), hurling and camogie (it was Ireland), you name it. We were shite at all of them! The only things we were good at were swimming and...does sailing count as a sport? Actually I wasn't even good at that.

So while YANBU to recognise the social impact of being bad at team sports and wish to protect your son, I can only say that it didn't work for my mum, and it might not work for you!

On the bright side my brothers and I are pretty damn healthy now (running, swimming, hiking) so it's not a long term problem.

I would try it for a couple of months and see if he likes it. It might be he just needs someone to show him how to do it and then he'll enjoy it. It doesn't sound like you want to force him through hating it forever. I wonder if my own throwing etc would have been better if someone had shown me.

Whilst it's sweet, MJD, it's not really done on MN. Civility is a given.
OP, I can see why you'd want to help him be more physical, it's fine but at 5, just choose activities he enjoys. Switch to coached sports around 7. The main things for small ones is to build flexibility, balance, etc all if which can be done through dance, etc.