... to think it slightly odd that so many of my school mum friends are hung up about secondary schools already, when their kids are only 5!

[sandyballs]

It seems to be the sole topic of conversation lately - how good/bad the local comp is, how extra tuition will be needed for the local grammar etc etc.

The kids are 5/6 years old! Let them be kids!

I'm sure our parents never had all this school angst!

The whole class system is a joke, though. In theory, I am working class: I work, DH works. However, whenever I refer to myself as such, I get laughed out of town.

Loads of people working class made good in my chidlren's schools. One reason their accents were never quite right. What amuses me is when they went to university the girls suddenly started talking differently (better). You might have thought it the converse.

It was most of you lot concentating on my class comments here though when there are lots of other reasons too for particular schools. My mother was from a NE pit village.

I went to private school...hated every second of it!
Brother and sister both went to local comp....loved it

My girls are 6 and 8
will worry about secondary school when time comes.

Life is too short.

IMO

xenia what is the 'right' accent?

I had a man come to fix my washing machine yesterday (1 week without it whilst in the middle of potty training - aaaaargh!).

Turns out he's a descendant of Lord Byron (honest!) and we had a very interesting conversation about the Romantic movement, moving onto sculpture and the value of public art (I do pottery and he noticed one of my pieces gathering dust on top of the cooker hood).

He also fixed my washing machine very well.

Generalisations are intellectually lazy....

To the OP - my dd is 2.1 and we are moving house so that we don't have to worry what school she goes to (they are all 'excellent' or 'very good' in our intended area) - so yes, I'm paranoid! Knowing our luck, they'll all be hellholes by the time she's 11!

But an intelligent child will do well wherever they go, providing the atmos. is not such that they cannot study in peace and achievement is valued by their peers (the biggest disincentive to learning, I find, is when your classmates will hold you to ridicule for being a 'swot' if you show the slightest interest in your subject....).

Well I just got a very thick washing machine repair man, that's all, drew the short straw there although he did tell me my 70 year old ex-model neighbour always makes a pass at him.

Accents? Let us talk about accents. Gather round... although I need to do some work in a minute and just had my daughter call me from a ski lift..... I agree there's proper English - you were not you was and then there's how you say the words. Some people change their accent. A lot of people at the BBC at one stage for example deliberately make their accents regional because that was the way to get on at that stage there. Others change them the other way to a more general fairly non accented English because they find that advantages them. It's a fascinating issue.

Lovecat, agree about the swot bit. Shame. And you're right about the atmosphere: despite a high IQ, I didn't do as well as hoped at A'Level and I know it was because I hated the school I was at. Don't get me wrong: it was a high performing private school, but the environment was entirely wrong for me, and I never thought to tell anyone how thoroughly miserable I was. I spent most of my time and energy being miserable, but trying to disguise the fact from my parents so as not to upset them, as I knew they were doing their best for me. From a personal point of view, a school where I think my child will "fit in", be happy and have a life beyond school work, will be the right school for us.

My accent is an interesting mix of north eastern and south western - like nobody else's I think. So I say grass with 'a' not 'ar' iyswim, but boiler as boy-lurrr. Can't help it, haven't got a strong accent anyway, it's generally fairly plain, but don't think it reflects on my education or 'class' if such a thing exists.

Sadly some state schoolls have become exam factories and private schools free of the confines of the national curriculum offer a broader range of activities, hobbies, lessons.

....anyhooo.... pre-primary I worried about secondary school. There are 4 secondary schools in our town - 2 of which I was terrified of my kids going to and 2 of which were OK. I was concerned that their primary would dictate to a certain extent where they went at age 11. However there have been times when getting my eldest through primary was enough of a worry - forgot about what was going to happen in the future TBH. And of the 4 schools one has improved so hugely that I'm considering it for DS#1 and one of hte 'better' ones has gone downhill. I do think that serious planning at age 5 is OTT unless you are going to go down the private education road.

I went to a private girls school. Yes I came out with good qualifications, I also came out feeling like a social pariah, knowing no-one from my local area and only socialising with kids I'd met at school all of whom had seriously rich parents and a very different home life to mine. And I didn't exactly thrive academically at uni - too much time throwing over the traces and enjoying the fact there was no-one breathing down my neck and making me work.

Oh goodness Xenia I know you post for us all to rise to your bait, but I agree with Lizzylou, I really wouldn't want my children to go to the school where your kids go.

I'm so disappointed for you if one of your own kids turns out to be "a bit thick" or have a lower IQ. What will you do?

Agree with MI, it's not such a bad thing to be in a class with pupils with a lower IQ. Lower than what anyway? My DS1 is a lovely lovely boy and is on the SEN register with an IEP as he struggles to concentrate and read. I guess Xenia wouldn't want to know him then.

DD is a great reader etc and flying at school. Ooo-er I'd better make sure they go to different schools then.

Xenia, can I ask, do you ever get upset or hurt at any of the criticism thrown at you and some of your views on MN?

When I post something against the general consenus and people are disagreeing vehemnetly and making it personal, I have really taken it to heart and been quite distressed.

You appear however to always keep posting calmly with out taking personal offence.

Is that the reality?

I'm genuinely curious?

If I had a child who needed special help I would educate them appropriately and love them as much as any other. My 5 children are all very different. None are 11 A* GCSE geniuses but all reasonably bright. So far there don't seem to be huge IQ differences between them. One twin is probably cleverer than the other and one issue is whether they'd go to the same school at 13.

Just because I think clever children do well in a private school class with other clever children doesn't mean I look down on anyone who isn't clever. There is a movement for children being educated apart, isn't there? Many parents are very upset special schools have closed. Some deaf children do better in schools for the deaf and some parents prefer more inclusion. I expect it depends on the nature of the child. My oldest is slightly dyslexic and she's done tremendously well in the circumstances.

Ps, no. May be if you survive a nasty abusive marriage etc nothing anyone can say to you on line can really upset you like real life stuff can. I'm just glad I live in a country where people can express their views. Whole page in the FT last week about censorship world wide of the internet, huge movements to remove our rights supposedly to protect our liberty. I'm glad we're still free to post views but I don't take that freedom for granted.

I agree xenia, but I seem to be much more robust in RL than online. Not sure why.

Maybe it's because my RL has been preyty blessed with no real disadvantage or conflict to contend with.

Things seem to get much more personal online than in RL, I guess without the personal contact we feel more free to express genuine, possibly contentious and personal thoughts.

Thanks for answering, I have wondered.

Some things are upsetting on line. I've just been reading about Martin Sorrel who has settled his on line action - libellous blog about his affair with someone at work. He's accepted £120k and his costs are over £1m. A particularly unpleasant cartoon of him with the woman was circulated but they couldn't prove who posted it. He was very upset.

It would be nice if Xenia could occasionally acknowledge that her expressed views are bloody upsetting to some of us.

Aloha explains very succinctly lower down this thread why both she and I have little time for Xenia's views.

Yeah well I get upset when some says

'Good God are you serious....'

Not quite the same league

Sorry Dino, that was x posts and to Xenias last post.

Psycho

I have only now started to worry about secondary school - and DD1 is in year 5. I really should have worried a lot more earlier. She will be going to our local comprehensive as there is no other choice. (Well there is but it is quite far away and a much worse school). I have no problem with the wide range of children she will be meeting there - I think it is important that schools reflect a cross-section of society and would not personally like her to be ghettoised with overachieving middle-class girls with RP accents from stable two-parent families (not that there would be enough of those around here to compose an entire school from). HOWEVER (and it is a big however which is why I put it in caps) I have two major concerns about the school she will be going to.
One is the excessive amount of low-level bad behaviour (constant swearing in corridors, high level of truancy, mild bullying accepted as normal by all pupils, pupils smoking in school grounds never apparently pulled up about it). It just seems to be accepted by staff that this is normal and unavoidable.
The other is Lovecat's point - anyone who shows too much interest in their school work is pilloried as a swot/geek. Children are routinely teased for attending afterschool clubs like Science club and homework club. Some are confident enough to shrug it off, others are not.
None of these issues were clear to me until recently when I got to know this school better - it has an excellent recent Ofsted which in my view is very misleading. So no, I don't think 5 is too young to start thinking about your child's secondary school education - it might save a lot of heartache later on.

If I say I want the children educated in a class with clever middle class girls who speak with my accent people get upset? Well get therapy for finding that that upsets you. It's hardly like me accusing people of being axe murderers. Let us not be so weak we cannot hear the views of others. Are women so namby pamby nice as pie - oh you look so good in that new dress (lying through your teeth) kind of thing people should self censor?

No Xenia, it's that you think my children are so inferior that you couldn't bear children like yours to be educated with children like mine.

RL, good post. My ex husband who is a teacher said the state school was like being a policeman and described all you say there. The private school it wasn't. They'd stand, say sir, no graffiti etc. T

The culture of swot is not cool permeates most schools. In some private schools the ones who say they don't work and then do loads but do well is sometimes an ethos and if 100% are going to univesrity then some work has to be done but I don't think even in my children's school class geek equals cool and cool would always be their aim rather than a set of As.