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AIBU?

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Original poster

... to think it slightly odd that so many of my school mum friends are hung up about secondary schools already, when their kids are only 5!

702 replies

sandyballs · 28/03/2007 15:18

It seems to be the sole topic of conversation lately - how good/bad the local comp is, how extra tuition will be needed for the local grammar etc etc.

The kids are 5/6 years old! Let them be kids!

I'm sure our parents never had all this school angst!

OP posts:
franca70 · 30/03/2007 21:42

Pippi is Italian, just like me. And I feel sad, and worried too.

suedonim · 30/03/2007 21:46

Because part of your justification of private schooling is that "I wanted my children brought up apart from people who were from dysfunctional families, lower IQ etc etc and I wanted them to speak like I do too so a whole range of other things, not just academics"

I'm saying that it's perfectly possible for state schools to produce high-achieving children despite such 'hindrances' as low IQ children and dysfunctional families (the Royal family, anyone??). There are no grammar or private schools in our area so everyone rubs along together pretty well and the end result is good. Maybe other areas should follow suite.

Btw, my mother lives in an area with a couple of prestigious private schools. The children who swear in street, spit, vandalise the buses, take drugs and moon at passers-by aren't the ones who go to the local state school. I wouldn't send my child to either of those private schools if you paid me.

saintyellowrose · 30/03/2007 21:52

pippi - on that other thread oblomov wants to know who you are !!! I looked up your profile and noticed you were Italian. I don't blame you for wanting to go back. Italy is a paradise !

franca70 · 30/03/2007 21:52

it's funny because in Milan, in the 80s, the majority of pupils going to private schools (already a minority) were those who failed at state schools

saintyellowrose · 30/03/2007 21:55

god suedonim - you are right - you want a dysfunctional family - look at some my rich relatives and quite a few of the people i went to school/uni. with !

pmsl at the royal family - if there EVER was a dysfunctional family !

franca70 · 30/03/2007 21:57

YR, Italy is far from being a paradise...

saintyellowrose · 30/03/2007 21:59

franca - that is true of many developing countries too. only the less brainy ones who can't pass the difficult state school/uni. exams go to private ones, which usually means the very rich. that is a good thing though, because it means only the not so bright go to private schools and the state sector remains very strong.

saintyellowrose · 30/03/2007 22:00

ah franca, it is to me, bloody decent coffee and good food, that is paradise to me, but then i can be quite shallow

Judy1234 · 30/03/2007 22:01

But mmy generalistaions are at heart right. Most private school pupils tend to do pretty well in life. Nothing anyone has said below makes me wish I'd spent the money I spent on the children on a yacht, clothes, cars etc. People who are happy with the state education have no problem surely with others like me having different views and yes I like that apartheid just as most middle class grammar school state school parents in effect seek apartheid but are too PC to admit it.

franca70 · 30/03/2007 22:02

well, lets say that the state sector used to be strong... Mr Berlusconi gave it the final blow....

franca70 · 30/03/2007 22:03

YR, it;s not the first time that we turn rather serious thread into adverts for holidays in Italy... .

saintyellowrose · 30/03/2007 22:06

oh god, don't mention that man's name, he really is the worst ! yes, well, Italy hasn't done too well on the political side. too many changes of govt. and too many coalitions don't make for a stable country. i only look at it from the holiday makers point of view, but do have friends who know Italy well and they point out similar things as you.

saintyellowrose · 30/03/2007 22:07

i work for your tourist board, don't you know ???!!!

PippiLangstrump · 30/03/2007 22:09

EW it's just that it seems such an obsession!! And I am not sure I get it TBH. I could have wrote the OP myself as I am so keen on trying to find out whether this is an obsession that pertains to a (minor)section of society or to the whole.

I am not going to say that where I come from people do not care about education, of course they do, but there isn't this madness that seems to engulf every single minute of a parent life, from conception even.

My friends and I went to the local state primary, local state secondary. yes there are some schools that are better than others, and that's due to the type (class) of family that live in that area but nothing so drastical like this! also I guess the absence of private schools helps.

But my parents and the parents of all my friends (which belongs to what here you'd call it the higher-middle class) were not troubled but such thoughts. not to this insane extent!

I am sad because if here everyone is so worried about it then means that it is a disastrous situation and I have to start worrying like this too.

all I want for DC is a good/nice school, in which they are happy and learn. I believe that home is important and counts so if the school is not the best we'll make up for it. Of course I'll be happy for her to go a grammar (mainly because it seems the closer thing to what I did) but I want her to be happy and a child above all, not to stress to achieve at 10 FGS - there's plenty of time for that. At the end of the day if she is capable she will make it, if she isn't well she'll do what she can/want.

I live a far poorer (by a LOT, and is an understatement) than most of the friends I grew up with who have high powered jobs and a life of riley but I am so happy and I would not want their life for anything.(sometimes their boats would make a nice holiday though!! )
that's what I wish for DC - to be happy

sorry long!

franca I am glad you feel the same - must be a foreigner thing!

Judy1234 · 30/03/2007 22:15

People just vary. I don't think I've ever been obssessed with schools. We got the children into schools as young as possbile so we could forget about the whole business ideally at age 5 and then let them enjoy their time at good schools. If you do that 5 there's no trauma about 11+ or anything. I thnk in part it's non working mothers. There is so little in their life except school obssession. If they were worrying about their latest deal or operation list tomorrow they might put schools into a better perspective.

PippiLangstrump · 30/03/2007 22:16

Italy is lovely but def not a paradise. if they not worry this much about school is maybe because there are so many other things before on the list!

and I am the mad italian who does NOT want to go back...

uh I did not know oblomov wanted me - wow

(franca my two brothers after failing to pass a year in high school TWICE ended up going to a private - which only means in italy that you pay to pass!!) the shame of them. having said that they both now have degrees from a good uni in economics, so not all is lost!!

franca70 · 30/03/2007 22:19

Shame on the pippi's siblings .

PippiLangstrump · 30/03/2007 22:24

but xenia don't you see? it is an obsession to worry about it so much, to start think about which secondary they'll go when they're one, to make sure that you get THAT school, to move house, to plan the birth, to push your kids, to do and say all the things that have been said in this and all the other threads.

i am not saying it is you or anybody in here that's obsessed, it is a national malady - that's what scares me! even I have becaome obsessed by it, that's why I am sad!

PippiLangstrump · 30/03/2007 22:26

franca the good thing about it is that I became the brainy one!!!

Judy1234 · 30/03/2007 22:28

No, I think mothers in the Amazon want their chidlren to be the best with the blow pipe and mothers in India want their daughters to marry the best boy they can etc. Parents always want to try to do the best for their children. I do think there are some fundamental problems with the system but surely we also had those in 1945 when parents (some) were obssessed with whether the child would pass the 11+ and get to grammar school and if they didn't whether to pay or send them to the secondary modern? Is it any different now?

saintyellowrose · 30/03/2007 22:30

I know pippi - I have a friend who has been going to Italy since she was 16 and says that although she loves the place it doesn't have the same sense of community as before and she wasn't impressed with some the stuff she heard about schools. She said she would live there if single, but not now that she has a small son.

I can totally understand why an "immigrant" if you don't mind me using that description would be dissillusioned. We have the most expensive properties in Europe and yet not enough good state schools, so you come and don't have a clue where to live where you can afford a decent house, yet be near enough to good schools, esp. in London.

I lived is some pretty crap parts of London when I was a student/trainee to pay less rent, but wouldn't live in those areas now because of my son, not just because of schools but due to high crime rates, etc. So we pay through the nose now to get better safety and decent schools nearby. It does create an "apartheid" as Xenia puts it, and it isn't PC to say it, but it is a fact.

franca70 · 30/03/2007 22:30

Lol Pippi. I'm still trying to cope with the fact that ds is expected to learn key-words at 4 and a half...

PippiLangstrump · 30/03/2007 22:38

saintYR you speak the holy truth. I have too been living in one of those crappy parts - I was single and all I cared was a nice flat and a close to where things were happening. then one day 2 and 1/2 years ago I went swimming and got caught on DH fishin rod. now with DD we are moving in two months. to an area were there are loads of decent schools, some good, some excellent. I just hope I won't obsess! I might do though, I've got a few years to go, seems addictive!

PippiLangstrump · 30/03/2007 22:39

I remember doing key-words 'al Liceo' franca... nei promessi sposi.

franca70 · 30/03/2007 22:41

key words in "Promessi Sposi"????