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AIBU?

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Original poster

I am a former smug married. Are you?

59 replies

ferriswheel · 04/08/2017 23:09

I'm now desperate to be divorced from my angry stbxh. My world seems filled with patronising, condescending and offensive advice from smug marrieds. Did you used to be a smug married? What changed?

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 04/08/2017 23:11

Im happily married but hopefully not smug. I hate soppiness and Velcro couples who can't function independently.

What kind of patronising advice have you been given?

Properjob · 04/08/2017 23:14

Yes I was. Learned my lesson there!
Angry about what? If you've tried Relate or equivalent and it hasn't worked, then go. Good luck Flowers

Original poster
ferriswheel · 04/08/2017 23:14

That I didn't know him, that no ones surprised, that he didn't want kids, that I'm safe and well and that's all that matters...Erm, that I should consider the children, that I could fix it if I wanted to, that it must be partly my fault, that its sad for the children...:

OP posts:
Mychildcouldnotbreaatfeed · 04/08/2017 23:15

Nope. Wasn't smug. But very happily divorced.

Original poster
ferriswheel · 04/08/2017 23:15

What happened to you Purple? Yes, done all sorts of counselling thanks.

OP posts:
FoxyinherRoxy · 04/08/2017 23:18

I wasn't happily married, but did a damn good impression of it. I don't remember anyone offering advice, think they were too shocked t hear we'd split.

I'm far more smug now I'm unmarried. Grin

clickhappy · 04/08/2017 23:20

I know what you mean about smug marrieds. I am married, 15 years and although I am happy, it's been down bloody hard work sometimes and luck, and I consider myself lucky.

I have plenty of single friends but wouldn't patronise them by telling them that being married is the be all and end all.

Yes, please share patronising comments.

PurpleDaisies · 04/08/2017 23:21

I've just never been into romance really. Can't stand public displays of affection. I've always been fiercely independent (parents had a bad divorce). Luckily dh is basically the same as me.

Those comments are pretty rude and I would never dream of saying something like that to anyone.

24HourPartyPerson · 04/08/2017 23:28

I was a smug married. After shit relationships my whole life I thought I'd met someone amazing.

What I'd met was someone with a personality disorder that mirrored my values and cheated on me.

tiba · 04/08/2017 23:31

Yes I was.
Then he turned into a controlling abusive arse with a criminal for a father

NameChanger22 · 04/08/2017 23:31

I've never been married, I think I'm a little bit smug about that. Even though I'm a feminist my title has always been Miss, mainly because I'm proud of the fact that I never married. I often feel like I know something other women don't.

HashiAsLarry · 04/08/2017 23:32

Haha foxy you sound like me a few years ago, though now I'm married again!definitely not smug though, it's not all roses round the garden gate or anything I kill plants by looking at them

SerfTerf · 04/08/2017 23:33

No. My first marriage crashes in flames very quickly. I was pregnant at the time. So then I had a few years as a single mum before remarrying. I think that innoculates you against smugness.

If I did end up single again I wouldn't be devastated. I'm very capable.

I'd probably be a smug divorcee like Foxy Smile

The weird stepford culture around marriage baffles me. I know you're not making it up because I've seen it.

PipGirl404 · 04/08/2017 23:35

Can you have been smug-relationship?

I was smug, that got shot into the fiery depths of relationship hell.

Now I'll never be smug, even if I lose my wit long enough to end up married.

SerfTerf · 04/08/2017 23:36

even if I lose my wit long enough to end up married.

😂

Giraffey1 · 04/08/2017 23:37

Don't think I was ever In the smug marrieds category. I married for the first time in my early 40s and goodness, do I wish I hadn't. We're in the process of splitting up.

blackteasplease · 04/08/2017 23:37

Yes me too!

I was all like "oh silly old x (whoever was single at the time) wanting to meet up on bank holiday weekend etc/ have regular group get togethers...." when I was one of the married ones. "Don't they know it's family time" or whatever.

Now I'm the single one and I'm really aware of suggesting plans with more regularity than before.

St01c · 04/08/2017 23:41

I hated the head tilt and the assumption that your dc must be in pain.

Being marginalised from society is the biggest obstacle I think.

Solo · 04/08/2017 23:41

Never was a smug married but, I know quite a few of them and they just don't have a clue but, they think they do... Hmm

St01c · 04/08/2017 23:44

Im proud that im independent and proud that i havent grabbed a passing terrible man just to be in a couple. Married people wouldnt understand the source of that pride I don't think!

PipGirl404 · 04/08/2017 23:44

St01c I'm currently getting that from everyone.

"How is DD?"
"How is DD handling it?"
"Oh your poor DD"

She's fine, she's always fine, she is FINE 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

nokidshere · 04/08/2017 23:49

Married people wouldnt understand the source of that pride I don't think

Why not? Does being married somehow mean you lose the ability to understand other people and their lives?

DamnSummerCold · 04/08/2017 23:54

I'm being 'advised' by a smug about to be married. If I even look at DP with anything less than simpering. I get an Ohh dear. Oh Bob and I find that if you communicate regularly it really helps (head tilt; smug smile) but we're committed to our relationship (simper)

DP & I have been together 20 years she's currently planning her 3 wedding, his fifth. If I wast relationship advice I'll ask my Mum who was happily married for 47 years.

And the amount of SM who assume that DP won't marry me…I'm the one with no interest in being married, I mean we need to do it at some point for inheritance law but …meh

WhooooAmI24601 · 04/08/2017 23:56

Married, but not so smug. Being married is fucking hard work sometimes and I'm not going to deny that to anyone. I don't believe in happy ever after and I certainly don't believe in soul mates. You work bloody hard and occasionally get lucky and marry someone who you can survive it with.

Friends of mine are lovely but very smug married. They announce their devotion via social media constantly and are incredibly vocal about their feelings and sex life. Horses for courses but I'd be sick if DH declared his undying love for my sexy bum on any sort of online platform. I'd also wonder if he'd had a lobotomy.

People who need to comment on the end of someones marriage need to sit down and shut up. It is nobody's business how or why a marriage ends. It's also nobody's business how the family are coping unless they're invited to discuss it. My parents divorced and the amount of people who felt it was their right to comment was unbelievable.

BadTasteFlump · 05/08/2017 00:17

I'm happily married but not (I don't think) smug. DH and I are v lovey dovey but generally only when we don't have an audience - either in RL or on FB. I hate FB declarations of lovey smugness.

Having said that there is a fair bit of smug marriedness on here sometimes - it always starts with a 'lets say nice things about our DH's' post and turns into who's got the best husband top trumps.

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