I am a former smug married. Are you?

[ferriswheel]

I'm now desperate to be divorced from my angry stbxh. My world seems filled with patronising, condescending and offensive advice from smug marrieds. Did you used to be a smug married? What changed?

Oh god yes.

Because despite having a little black book the size of the Encyclopedia Brittanica, I was the only one he wanted to marry. And that he got to his 40's before finding "the one" ie me

Should have thought more about that really.........

BadTasteFlump

Boak. I posted on one of those very threads about how ~cutesy~ and how ~unique~ my "partner" and I were.

Turns out he's a cockwaffling cuntwart like the rest of them.

I'm anti-smug, if anything, now.

I think I'm a smug single...I only realised this recently,I need to stop being smug. Or is it maybe a good thing,help spread the good word?

Slimthistime we need more smug singles.

Too much pressure from society to be coupled up.

Vive la fucking single life

That made no sense but it's cause I'm drinking wine & ive had too much - but I can cause I'm single and nobody can say no

~smug~

No I was never a smug married. It went wrong very quickly and I was desperately unhappy. I know a few though but I ignore them.

Just thinking...I know one smug married...sort of.

She had one affair and left, but when the OM turned out to be a prick her husband took her back. He has had two affairs that fizzled out. She is very demanding of him financially despite not wanting to work. He was an arsehole when the kids were little, expecting a perfect house and to do no childcare at all.

But if you ask her then she will say that they are devoted, still "fancy each other like mad" (her exact words) and are very happy. Make of that what you will.

I was not a smug married. We had our ups and downs and plenty of downs. Now I'm single i am very smug. I cannot envisage ever being in a relationship again or living with someone. I like my life now. I'm free. I've survived.

I'll probably get flamed for this, but. The fates caught up with you. Smugness really pisses them off.

I'm a smug single too

I have to work to not head tilt and say "good god why" when people tell me they're getting married

I think I probably was but in my defence, we're kind of 'trained' to be like that by other women. There seems to be a hidden marriage agenda from early twenties for women. We're commended for finding and staying with a partner, regardless of our status in society, parents, friends and colleagues subliminally applaud us for our achievements in the love dept. I used to have a business with an almost entirely female 20 something client base and this generation are under even more pressure. They're intelligent, accomplished, beautiful and capable young women but the their ultimate goals are partners and marriage. Not all, but the vast majority. It's no wonder then, when they finally get married that they feel they've won the competition or st least conformed to the ideal and ensuing smuggery.

It's fairly inevitable given our societies' views on the institution.

Why were you smug any way.
It doesn't make you a better person than Betty across the road, because you're married.
Not everyone is interested in marriage.
Me and dp have been together for 4 years engagement let alone marriage has never came up.
Not everyone has the roses around the garden life style in store for them

I probably come across as a smug single because I can't for the life of me understand why anybody would want to cohabit with another adult.

Been there, didn't like it, not doing it again! :o

(I don't tell anyone I don't understand, but I'm sure there's often a very perplexed look on my face when my friends are discussing the trials and tribulations of married/attached life.)

Incy - that's exactly how I feel now. Never again. But I can see how people might fall into the smuggery. It's so much more socially acceptable. People are uncomfortable with strong, confident, single women.

Don't smug marrieds only really exist for the first few years of marriage? I mean, they don't stay like that do they? Surely everyone goes through bad periods and realises that they are not going to have 60 years of pure bliss without a cross word?

I mean, I know some couples whose children claim they're like that, but I've always considered them weird families who idealise each other.

God, that is weird- the family smug! Eww!

Yes. I couldn't see how controlled I was, thought I was lucky and had a sort of 'this will work smugness' that squashed my subconscious thoughts that maybe I should have a voice too.

I'm happy being single and happy dating. Would like a LTR, but not marriage!

I have to work to not head tilt and say "good god why" when people tell me they're getting married

I read on MN years ago that someone thought that the reason old women cry at weddings isnt from love and joy but because they know what the bride has ahead of her. I think that MNer was right.

Possibly not so much now, but it was certainly true of my grandmothers generation for whom divorce was not an option for the majority. If you married a cheater or a beater or a drunk then you just did the best you could......

Nobody should be smug because nobody is perfect and nobody's life is perfect.

I was married 8 years, was single 14 and only recently met new partner. There are pros and cons to both situations. I've friends who just this last month have celebrated 10, 20 and 25 years married. They'd all say it doesn't happen by luck it takes work, communication and love as a verb not being complacent about it.

Marriage was a mistake, knew it on my wedding day but wouldn't admit it to myself let alone anyone else.

We argued a lot and quite loudly. We had these SM neighbours who were best friends with another couple in the same block of flats (also SM) but only the woman from the first couple tried to offer saccharine advice and make out they were better than us. Even veiled refs to me not keeping husband 'sexually satisfied'

We moved out but I still stayed in touch with a friend who also lived in the same block of flats.

Can you guess where this is going?

Turns out the husband from SM Couple 1 had been having an affair with the wife from SM couple 2. It all kicked off one eve when SM husband 2 found evidence and basically went for the guy shagging his Mrs!

Now nobody deserves to be cheated on but sometimes there's proof that karma exists.

Yep! It lasted 2.5 years before separation and 7 years on off drama before figuring out we should had stayed friends. Least I got a lovely DS out of it. But I've learned!

In fairness I wouldn't really say I had actually been 'smug' more of a 'that wouldn't happen to me'. I never, ever thought I'd be divorced. Maybe smug isn't the right word to describe 'friends' reactions, perhaps more like condescending.

I'm working on being smug soon to be divorced. I definitely like the idea though.

Married and been with my DH a long time, but have never been smug about it.

My parents divorced when I was young, my dad was abusive to my mum. Never had any romantic illusions about relationships!

If anything, I feel quite bemused by the fact that we've managed to stay married and reasonably happy for so long.

I've found that there's often an assumption that you're a 'smug married'just because you're married. I've been accused of being a SM at work - where I have never discussed my relationship with dh, hardly ever mention him TBH, might occasionally say that we are doing something at the weekend etc, but otherwise our relationship is our relationship and not really to do with anyone else. A fair number of my colleagues are similar. Yet we are accused of being SM by a lot of the single people who can't help giving almost every detail of their perfect relationships, in the staff room, on social media etc. But because we don't choose to do that, we are sm.

I've only ever know one sm and actually, she's really a Stepford Wife with no life, thoughts or opinions of her own.

I suspect I can appear to be a smug married in that I am married to a genuinely good man who is an actual grownup.

It took me a loooong time to get to this stage and we do not take each other for granted (I hope!).

We both therefore remember well the years of being left out by smug married and smug parents and try to include especially our very close single friends. I accidentally caught myself saying something negative about single professionals on FB the other day and was deeply ashamed and backtracked immediately.

I think the two things that are so annoying about smug marrieds (and smug parents/smug two point four nuclear families) are a) everyone should be like us and it's a character flaw not to be and b) there's no room for anyone else in our little bubble.

(Also in things not to do as a smug nuclear family member, is complain/say "you can't know what it's like" to friends who have just one child, about having a 2nd child. Though we struggled to have our children - we adopted our two - we know well that several of our friends who are parents of one, wanted to be parents of more but could not find a way to be).

drspouse "I accidentally caught myself saying something negative about single professionals on FB the other day and was deeply ashamed and backtracked immediately."

??? I can't see what personal status has to do with work.

I don't see happy couples as smug at all, it's lovely to see a happy couple just as it's lovely to see a happy single. I think there's a type who believes there's something wrong with you if you are not coupled up and they often smug because they feel like they've ticked a box on a list of societal requirements.