In being upset by friend's text?

[Cheekyfuckerneighbour]

So dh and I have been friends with this couple for four years. They have a dc the same age as ours.

We see them once or twice a week and we consider them some of our best friends.

It's her birthday coming up and I text her to ask her if she had plans for it.

She replied "I'm going to xxxxx for dinner with my girlfriends. Then a family lunch the next day."

I replied "oh that's sounds fun! Nice your birthday falls on a day with so much fun stuff going on." (There's a street parade and party in the evening which they asked us to last year and we've talked about ever since as it was so fun.)

Nothing back. Clearly I'm not invited to dinner and we aren't invited to the other stuff either.

The group of girls she's going out with are from her hometown so I don't hang out with them as much as the rest of our group of friends but I've met most of them.

Aibu by being a bit hurt? I'm wondering whether to back off the relationship a bit.

The last two times dh or I have text them both to do anything they've completely ignored us. But then will ask us to something at their house and be perfectly nice.

Confused and feeling a little down. I'm 40, I thought I was past this kind of stuff.

Why not text and ask whether her DH and Dc are free to attend the street party with you as she is out with her girlfriends?

It sounds like it will be a Saturday and Sunday - so alternatively ask if they'd like to do something on Friday with your family.

It just sounds as though other friends have gotten in there first if you hadn't actually suggested doing something for her birthday.

You're second tier, that's all.

Put a cheery Happy Birthday! Have a great day! on her FB wall on the day. But I wouldn't bother texting it.

I don't think you should take it personally. She's just doing stuff with other friends. Maybe she was busy when you texted and never got round to answering your second text?

People have different groups of friends. I wouldn't worry about it, you're being a bit sensitive. Try not to take it personally.

She always spends her birthday on an island so I couldn't really suggest anything, rather had to wait to be invited.

Maybe her friends organised the lunch, so she feels she can't invite you? I wouldn't overreact yet (well, I probably would - I tend to read too much into stuff!), I would just let it go, and see how you are the next time you meet up.

I kind of feel second tier that's exactly it.

Aw Cheeky that sucks and it def hurts. Especially if you would have included her in your b'day plans?

I don't have any advice apart from keeping an eye on things and not letting yourself believe you are better friends than you are iykwim?

It is tough though and I would be hurt by that too

I remember being really hurt when my best friend went out for her 21st birthday..with her boyfriends ex, and a friend from work..but never even tried inviting me. So No, I don't think YABU at all.
I think it's a clear message that you probably consider her on a higher friend level than she considers you, and that's that. When you also brought up the fact that she ignores your invites but then invites you over when theres nothing else going on for her that just cements the assumption in my mind. She's not mad st you or anything, you're just not her "bestie"

I know people have different groups of friends but our large group kind of works by getting new friends involved and everyone hanging out together. We live in quite a remote community so it's a little different to the UK where there's so many people so close to each other.

Even living in London though, my good girlfriends were my good girlfriends. I'd ask them all out to a birthday do, irrespective of if they knew each other. In fact I like to introduce new people to each other. As does this friend hence why I'm more hurt.

This past week alone she's been out to two events that I'd asked her to where she met a bunch of new people.

Why not text and ask whether her DH and Dc are free to attend the street party with you as she is out with her girlfriends?

You cant just invite yourself to someone else street party!

Yeah I'm keen to avoid making an arse of myself or looking desperate. Asking what her birthday plans were will be the extent of it.

I doubt that she meant to be hurtful. I do different things with different people - if I thought any of them were upset by that I'd be a bit

TheKillers Sorry - round here street parties are public events that anyone can attend - so assumed that was what the street party was. The Birthday girl isn't going to the street party which is why I suggested that OP could ask Birthday girl's DH and kids if they wanted to go to the public street party with them. Birthday girl is going to dinner with friends somewhere else.

Street parties are usually public events aren't they?

It would have been nicer if she'd said she was going out with "some" friends rather than "my" friends. "My friends" does sound more as though anyone else isn't considered a friend, although I doubt she meant it that way!

I don't see a problem with not getting a reply to "oh that's sounds fun! Nice your birthday falls on a day with so much fun stuff going on." It's not as though you asked a question.

Birthday girl is going to Street party.

It is public but it's on a different island so it would look a bit beggy and weird if we just show up without them tossing a casual 'why don't you come along' at us.

The last part of your post of 18:48 puts a different spin on it. I know somebody like this, happy to be invited and get to know new people but doesn't let new people into her group.

I'd withdraw a little and concentrate on other friends.

I would feel hurt and reassess my friendship. Then i would just move on from it. Don't consider her. Just go out with your friends. End of.

It was the 'my girlfriends' that made me a little . I would have phrased it less hurtfully.

I sometimes suffer from bouts of anxiety and OCD so I like to check with others that I'm not blowing things out of proportion or being a snowflake.

As it happens I told dh and he's a little miffed they've not asked us to come to the other stuff, he's been banging on about how much he's been looking forward to it since last year.

I wouldn't take it personally, I keep my groups of friends separate although most have met each other for the odd occasion, I prefer it that way.

Never put all your eggs in one basket and all that.

Yes, that phrase would have made me feel particularly left out. Remember it, reassess your friendship and just go out with others. I would definitely step back from this friendship. Let her get in contact with you.

Have you or your husband recently fallen out with any of them? Or not even falling out, but having a heated discussion with one or both of them, or an uncomfortable conversation or what they could percieve as slightly offending them in any way? That's the only thing I can think of. Sounds like weird and bizarre behaviour, especially because of the remote community you mentioned.

I think YABU OP. She is spending this birthday with a group of girlfriends from her hometown. You are not one of them and while you all may regularly new friends involved in your friendship group, this is not one of those times.

Mabey it seems as though you view her in more high regard, than she does you. They ignore your texts to meet up, but will then invite you to do stuff with them, mabey when people pull out, or there is no better invite. I would pull back from the friendship imho. This happened to someone who I knew at school, we are a group of 4 friends. My friend "Emma" thought she was "Rachel's" best friend, as Emma saw Rachel as her best friend, they knew each other since School. Well Rachel had a big do for her significant birthday, and did not invite Emma. Emma was very upset, but it cased her to reevauate the friendship and where she really stood in the pecking order.

For the record, I was not invited to Rachael's bash, but then again, I am not really close to her like Emma and the other friend (Wendy) I know her by association. I am more good friends with Emma and Wendy, not Rachel. It happens and it hurts, Emma was very upset as she saw Rachel as her best friend, and Rachel was her bridesmaid, but it was not reciprocated on Rachel's part.