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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU for asking my neighbour if her grandson could move his daughters bed away from our side of the wall.

98 replies

Governoress86 · 04/08/2017 18:21

Hello all

I have an elderly neighbour who i got on with for years and then in January her grandson moved i n with his 2 children.

No his youngest daughters bed is right next to our wall and i have anxiety and depression, ptsd,off and panic attacks. My daughter also has medical issues with having fits if she doesn't get enough sleep.

My neighbours grandsons daughter has a tendency at 4in the morning to kick and bang her bottle on the wall and it has become an issue where it is waking me and my daughter up.

AIBU that because I have asked if it could be possible for the grandson to !I've his daughters bed away from the wall as they know about my medical issues and my daughters, she has now fallen out with me!

Not only has she fallen out with me but she has deliberately damaged my fence which i have on film. I heard her telling people in our street about my mental health issues and slagging me of and is now saying stuff to my 7 year old daughter. Her grandson keeps intimidating me aswel.

So it all had become too much for me that I had to phone the council which said she would have a word with her and told me to phone the police about my fence which i did and they have logged the incident, but since I have done this it has become worse. I'm getting abuse thrown at me, saying I'm not got to be a mother with my mental health issues and i should be locked up.

And now I vs having an impact on my health and the council don't seem to be doing anything and I just don't know what to do.

Sorry for the long post

Many thanks

OP posts:

Sara107 · 04/08/2017 20:13

What is a small child doing with a bottle in bed? They give her a bottle and leave it with her unsupervised? She may choke or get rotten teeth. They sound horrible but I don't know what you can do apart from keep logging everything and keep complaining about them. Do they rent privately or from the council? Complain to their landlord.

Original poster

Governoress86 · 04/08/2017 20:25

They are council tenants. The thing that is getting to me the most is that before her grandson moved in i use to go round and look after her when her family wouldnt. I valued her friendship and we have always said to each other if there is ever a problem we would discuss and sort it out and it hurts that this is now what they are doing. I feel everyone in the street is now judging me on my illness because she is discussing my mental health with people who I don't know

OP posts:

doleritedinosaur · 04/08/2017 20:29

Yanbu at all.

My son's bed is next to a shared wall & ive asked previous & new neighbour's if they can hear him repeatedly as he has night terrors & everything but they assure me they haven't or can't.

I've told them to tell me the second they do as we'll move him.
He's there as his brother's cot is on the other side.

As long as you asked nicely I can't see why they kicked off like this.

Original poster

Governoress86 · 04/08/2017 20:33

I'm not a nasty person and I hate confrontation and I asked nicely. I have always said to her if my daughter makes too much noise at night to let me know if if I hear it i will tell her to keep the noise down. I'm not bothered if they cry or have night terrors you know that's children it can't be helped but I feel this can be helped and they are not willing to compromise.

OP posts:

deblet · 04/08/2017 20:50

If you think such an innocent request is unreasonable it is not surprising you have had trouble with your neighbours tbf

deblet · 04/08/2017 20:50

Sorry that was to 10greenapples!

Genghi · 04/08/2017 21:05

Why didn't you move your daughter? Tbh that would be my first response, not asking another family to move their daughter.

Original poster

Governoress86 · 04/08/2017 21:16

My daughter room is at the back and his children's room is at the front yet it still wakes her up. My daughter was in the front room and I moved her to the back room a couple of months ago. That was the first thing I did. I'm not an unreasonable person and I have obviously tried and exhausted everything that I can possible do to make it better on my side.

OP posts:

peekyboo · 04/08/2017 21:17

It might be better to move, though you shouldn't have to. But if it's going to take ages for anything to change it could be better for you to be away from the stress sooner, if you can manage it.

Original poster

Governoress86 · 04/08/2017 21:29

I have put in for a move about a month ago. Just got to wait for the application to be processed. It's a shame that it has resorted to this because I love the area

OP posts:

MissBabbs · 05/08/2017 12:32

If you were once close to her, as you describe, I would guess there is stuff going on that is nothing to do with you , but you are a convenient scapegoat.
She could be upset at DGS's marriage breakdown, or having two young DCs in the house when she is normally alone, or partially funding the DGS. Try not to ytake it personally, their response is so over the top.

Original poster

Governoress86 · 05/08/2017 12:44

I understand that, but there is no need to say horrible stuff to my 7 year old daughter or to tell everyone about my personal business. I would never ever do that to someone.

OP posts:

Original poster

Governoress86 · 05/08/2017 12:45

Last night was the worse, from midnight to 3 am his child was banging and kicking the wall to the point where me and my daughter slept on the sofa. I have recorded it all.

OP posts:

10greenapples · 05/08/2017 13:51

It's a child though! What will recording it do?! Jeez my upstairs neighbours kids scream and tantrum and bang on the floor but the council will do sweet FA about it because it's just a child! What do you hope to do with the recording?

10greenapples · 05/08/2017 13:56

I can see why they have fallen out with you tbh, so a man and his 2 kids have to move in with the grandmother stressful enough as that is, has a child who has tantrums and instead of being understanding you are trying to get the in trouble! Do you want them evicted or something?

WeirdAndPissedOff · 05/08/2017 14:10

Greenapples - the OP is not trying to get them in trouble because the child is tantrumming, but rather because they have been abusive towards her and her 7 yo DD, have been spreading nasty gossip about her mental health, and are making her life a misery, all because she asked if it was possible for them to move the child's bed slightly. (To which a simple "sorry, we can't" would have done the trick, surely? Or even "ODFOD" if they truly thought she was taking the poss? )
I'm sure OP would have had plenty of sympathy for them had they not been so vile to her! She even says she has helped out the grandmother, didn't mind the screaming, etc, etc. She simply asked if they could move a bed slightly so the constant bagging on the wall did not keep her and DD awake.

Spikeyball · 05/08/2017 14:16

There is no point in recording whatever a small child is doing. Concentrate on the behaviour of the adults in the house.

10greenapples · 05/08/2017 14:17

So why is she recording the child screaming? If the op lived in a flat she would get used to children above tantruming and stamping on the floor screaming. That's life I'm afraid. Maybe it's best the op moves to a detached house where she doesn't have to hear other peoples children!

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 05/08/2017 14:28

I think tengreenapples is the neighbour.

Lucysky2017 · 05/08/2017 14:34

Neighbour noise is dreadful. Poor you. Putting in for the transfer of your council tenancy sounds like a good idea. Is your neighbour even allowed by her own council tenancy just to move in suddenly a load of family members? I thought tenancies were just to specific people?

Original poster

Governoress86 · 05/08/2017 14:37

In not recording the kids screaming at all. I was advised by the council to record the banging on the walls in the early hours of the morning. I don't want her to get evicted at all. I'm not complaining of the kids having tantrums or crying at all.

OP posts:

Beebee7 · 05/08/2017 14:44

Wasn't too unreasonable a request to be fair OP.

Could YOU/your daughter move rooms though?

Sorry not being funny, just asking.

10greenapples · 05/08/2017 14:48

Ear plugs?

archersfan3 · 05/08/2017 14:52

I wonder whether they haven't told the council that the other people are living in the property?
This might explain (though not justify) the overreaction to what seems like reasonable behaviour from the OP.
Could the elderly lady be being intimidated by her grandson if she was previously a pleasant neighbour?

10greenapples · 05/08/2017 14:56

You can move in with relatives. I've moved in with my mum before whilst awaiting for a council property, the council didn't care. Do you think the council would rather they live in a 2/3 bed that only one person is living in or house them separately?! Ofcourse the council would rather make use of the house. So no she isn't doing anything wrong. Anyway no I am not the neighbour as I don't have any one next door. But if a neighbour told me to move my babies room cos the crying was annoying them I would tell them where to go.

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