Episode 1 - A new hope
A SECRET UNDERGROUND BUNKER
SOMEWHERE IN THE SOUTH OF ENGLAND
The LHPO speaks - he is well-aware of the gravity of the occasion, and chooses his words with care. He inclines his head regally to each in turn. Graven onto the wall above his head, the Planning Office’s Crest and Motto**.
“My Lord, Lady, Gentleman and The Boy. It is with a sad heart and a grave soul that I stand before you today. I need not, of course, remind you that NOT ONE WORD OF WHAT IS SPOKEN HERE IS EVER TO BE REPEATED OUTSIDE OF THESE WALLS!”
There is a murmer of assent. The Boy gulps his Ribena and reaches for a Jammie Dodger, Before his hand has touched the plate the LHPO stays him with a glance.
“But before we move to the reason for this meeting, let us address another issue - one which I hope will hearten us all, and remind us that there is still good in the world.
“The Boy - stand!”
The Boy stands, spilling Ribena on his shirt - Aaaw, No! His Mam’ll go crackers . . .
“Lovely Lady Planning Officer, you have something say about The Boy.”
“I do indeed LHPO - The Boy was given his most responsible task to date - carrying the clipboards. Prior to this he has only been entrusted with polishing the handle of the Big Front Door - which he has done very carefully, I might add”
“And how did he quit himself in his new role.”
“Very well indeed. Even though this was a case of great gravity - one of the worst, if not the worst, I’ve ever encountered - he kept his head and didn’t drop a single clipboard. He remembered to bring a pen for each one, and the A4 paper was pristine. We couldn’t have asked for more, could we Planning Officer 1?”
Planning Officer 1 nods assent. “And if I may add to the comments of my Lovely Lady colleague - the stress on The Boy must have been enormous. Usually we ease the apprentices in gently - dustbins in an illegal area; guttering hanging over a neighbours’ boundary. Upsetting enough, but everyone has to bite the bullet sometime. But this - it was like a War Zone - the carnage was dreadful. I don’t mind admitting that when I got back to the office, I cried! I thought I’d seen it all, but this - “ PO1’s voice starts to crack. He can’t go on. “The Boy done good, is what I’m trying to say, Sir. The Boy done very good”
LHPO and EHPB nod gravely. “Come here, The Boy” The Boy falteringly walks towards the LHPO. He is blushing furiously and needs a wee.
“You have proven yourself worthy of your role as Apprentice Assistant Planning Officer 3rd Class. I hereby promote you to Assistant Planning Officer 3rd Class.”
“And furthermore, I award you the greatest accolade that can be given to a minion of your humble position in life.” “I predict that you have a great career ahead of you, young man. Well done!’ “Now, be off with you, you scamp - and have that jammie dodger!”
The Boy blushingly goes back to his seat. Whispers of “Well done, The Boy”, and they don’t give those badges out with boxes of Cornflakes, The Boy”.
Purely coincidental that @liquidrevolution* has had a similar thought. Probably they had already met the builder. As have I, obviously.
**On the side sinister, on a background of Argent et Azure chevronets, a lion rampant in Gules, mane,Or, vorant a human head, mouth twisted in a silent scream. On the side dexter, on background Vert, fleur-de-lys purpure being eaten by a sheep volant. Below are the inspiring words “Oh, no you don’t, you Cheeky Fucker!”