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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was MiL being unreasonable and impeccably rude?

74 replies

QuickCloseTheCurtains · 04/08/2017 16:44

It was my OH's birthday and my MIL bought him tickets for all three of us to go to a museum exhibition. On the day we were going to the Museum, she picked us up from our house so she could drive us to the train station. While we were putting our shoes on, she read through his cards. I'd written in mine to him "Happy Birthday. I hope you've had a good year and there's plenty more to look forward to in the near future" aiming at all the trips we've got booked etc.
Later, we were in the queue at the museum with about 200 people. She said to me"Oh, I saw your card... Are you pregnant?! I can't say I didn't notice!" and stared at my belly.
I have recently put on a bit of weight- something which she constantly digs at... "Oh, I never thought you were going to stop eating! Well, I suppose you still would be if you hadn't eaten everything on your plate".... "You need to get yourself down to Zumba with me".... "Have you joined the gym yet?"
Usually the jives are out of OH's earshot, but this time it wasn't and he said absolutely naff all! So I stood, gobsmacked and embarrassed in a packed queue of around 200 people.
I'm actually really pissed off about it. What would you have done and how do I not snap her neck the next time I see her?

OP posts:
Columbine1 · 04/08/2017 16:47

That has happened to me in the past & the person who said it was also mortified though not as much as me :(
I guess your reaction is due to yr feelings towards yr MIL?

peekyboo · 04/08/2017 16:48

It's safe to say most people within earshot would feel for you.

Next time she criticises your eating do remember to include big Nom Nom Nom noises and pretend to eat the plate.

Insensitive, spiteful behaviour from her and it sounds as if she's used to no one speaking up against her.

MoonPower · 04/08/2017 16:50

She sounds like a bitch.
It's clearly her issue.
Just ignore & limit the amount of time you have to spend with her OP.

GreenTulips · 04/08/2017 16:50

Have you asked DH?

5foot5 · 04/08/2017 16:51

Needs the mn classic "Did you mean to sound so rude?"

BeyondThePage · 04/08/2017 17:00

We run a book on when my mum will mention my weight, we live 100s of miles apart on purpose and last time she came it was 90 seconds! And she weighs 2 stones more than me.

(You've put on weight since I last saw you. Could of HAVE brushed your hair. Tuck your shirt in... Her first 3 sentences after a year apart and I'm 52 not 7 - hey ho - I no longer choose to see her often)

Original poster
QuickCloseTheCurtains · 04/08/2017 17:01

There was no mortification there though! She followed up my silence 5 minutes later by probing me again... "You didn't actually answer me... Are you?!?!?!" This was at a shreeking level. I just wanted the world to swallow me up. She would have been able to tell by how red my face went but just. kept. going....

OP posts:
Original poster
QuickCloseTheCurtains · 04/08/2017 17:03

BeyondThePage I'd love not to see her often.
My OH and I agreed that if he wanted to see her once a week (or vis versa) he would have to go to her house not ours. She then got wise to the fact she couldn't invite herself round ours anymore and started to ask us out for dinner/lunch. I then get accused by OH when I say no thank you that I'm not making an effort.
SO TIRESOME!

OP posts:
madja · 04/08/2017 17:05

Not nice at all Angry

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 04/08/2017 17:05

And a saucer of milk for MIL! I am sorry OH kept quiet.

user1471548375 · 04/08/2017 17:06

A red face isn't enough to stop someone like that, combat rudeness with rudeness - "Why would you ask that? I've not asked you even though you've put on more than I have" that sort of thing.

Anecdoche · 04/08/2017 17:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

madja · 04/08/2017 17:10

My mil is the same. I usually say something like 'well, its lovely to see you too!' (sarcastic) or 'what a lovely welcome!' (again sarcastic) as it's usually before I've even got in the door. It embarrasses her no end.

BewareOfDragons · 04/08/2017 17:14

Your MIL it not only rude, but your DH is an arse for not telling his mother to stop being so rude to you.

What is he planning to say or do to get her to stop with her P/A comments to you? If the answer is nothing, then you have a real problem.

Amatree · 04/08/2017 17:14

Incredibly rude. You need to nip it in the bud asap or you will have a lifetime of this behaviour. Call her out on her rudeness, insult her (subtly) in return or simply leave. People can only treat you how you allow them to. Getting your OH to stand up for you is a separate matter and you need to have a serious conversation with him about that. If she makes these remarks out of his earshot call him over and ask her to repeat herself.

lou1221 · 04/08/2017 17:25

I get this from my dad, the last time I saw him he called me a beached whale, said I was on a see food diet etc etc. I'm a little over weight, a size 12/14. I haven't spoken to him for 6 weeks now, asked him to never talk about my weight again, he's not apologised, got back in touch, or anything.

Original poster
QuickCloseTheCurtains · 04/08/2017 17:29

The main problem is, he thinks she is just joking and when I've combated him on it he's just says "She's always said stupid things, just ignore her". To me, there's saying stupid things which unintentionally come across as rude and then there's saying hurtful things just for the sake of being a bitch.
The reason I don't snap back is because I fully believe that she is doing it on purpose for the sake of creating a wedge between me and her "boy".

OP posts:
IHateUncleJamie · 04/08/2017 17:31

If she makes these remarks out of his earshot call him over and ask her to repeat herself.

Exactly this. People like your MIL love to make sneaky digs when they catch you alone, OP. If possible I would try to avoid being alone with the nasty bitch her.

You need to remember that she has ZERO right to comment on your weight/eating or be so unforgivably rude to you. I would also rehearse a comeback to put her firmly back in her box. And I would be having stern words with your DH too.

myusernamewastaken · 04/08/2017 17:34

I have an uncle who is obsessed with super thin women...im 5 ft 7 and weigh 10 stone so not exactly massive....but i always had snippy comments whenever i saw him.....my solution is just to limit the amount of times i see him.

Mittens1969 · 04/08/2017 17:44

That really is awful, OP. Your MIL is obviously doing her best to put you down, does she have form for doing this with previous partners?

As she's making no effort to be polite to you, you have every right to limit your contact with her. Your DH needs to man up and pull his mum up on it.

MadMags · 04/08/2017 17:46

But, couldn't you have just said "no, I'm not"??

TheLuminaries · 04/08/2017 17:48

My MIL is like this, she is obsessed with women's weight. In her case, she hasn't had a job outside the home and I think she sees being thin as her towering achievement in life. Honestly, a woman could invent a cure for alzheimers and my MIL would sniff that she's let herself go, look at the size of her hips. It is utterly depressing. Irritatingly for my MIL I am slim, but she still somehow gets a dig in about how much I've eaten. I just pity her shallowness.

ImperialBlether · 04/08/2017 17:51

You should have said, "I'm like you - I need to lose weight."

Jux · 04/08/2017 18:01

Yes, call him over,but don't waste time asking r to repeat herself, she won't. Just say "DH, your mother has just said X, do you have an answer for that?" all nice and sunnily, innocently smiling.

Kittychatcat · 04/08/2017 18:02

I'd have turned round and walked out because the fact that your DH didn't stick up for you is almost as bad as your MIL being nasty and rude.

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