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AIBU?

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Original poster

to not think 35 was THAT old to have my last child?!

102 replies

Twistedpantsagain · 04/08/2017 16:15

Just had a chat with a woman in the local park who said she couldn't have a child at "THAT" age when I told her my last child was born when I was 35.
Surely this isn't actually all that old?! Doesn't help I suppose she was half my size and actually looked more half my age than the 5 years younger she actually was!

OP posts:
ShastaBeast · 04/08/2017 18:28

35 is fairly average round here for having a first baby, I'm the odd one finishing at 29 but average for the UK when they were born. I've had rude comments about being too young! Everyone has an opinion about everything to do with mums. I wouldn't want to have another and will turn 35 in a few months, it's too old for me but I don't care what you did, it's your life to live not mine. I'd certainly have felt differently if I didn't have kids already. I feel young in some ways but exhausted with two primary school kids. I'm looking forward to being 40 when my kids will be at/about to start secondary, not back waiting in the playground outside reception.

Changeofluckneeded · 04/08/2017 18:35

I had my last at 43!

ShastaBeast · 04/08/2017 18:36

Despite being a 20 something mother we were financially secure - bought a property with a small mortgage in London. DH earning enough for me to stay home and now I'm back starting a new professional career after studying while home with kids - I may not have done this without taking time out and I could earn far more, plus I was young enough to start again. I also travelled a lot pre kids.

Just to give a flip side to being under 30 being somehow detrimental to the wellbeing and financial security of children. House prices force many to wait so much longer, adults were financially secure much younger in the past.

MrsCharlieD · 04/08/2017 18:41

35 was always my cut off point in my head. As luck would have it is had my first at 30 and will be just 34 when this one comes. Each to their own I say. I can't bring myself to be bothered over people's opinions on the age I had my children.

MyCalmX · 04/08/2017 19:04

I feel like it's old and I had dd1 at 33 and dd2 at 38. Wished I'd had them younger.

Why were you telling her how old you were with your last dc though?

minniemummy0 · 04/08/2017 19:33

I am 35 and expecting my first. I would have loved to have children earlier, but the fact is I didn't meet anyone I would want to have children with until a couple of years ago. It would have been lovely earlier but that's just the way life goes sometimes. I have thought many times, I wonder if this pregnancy would have been easier if I'd been 10 years younger? But it is what it is.

Orangebird69 · 04/08/2017 19:34

I had my first at 40. That woman is a dick head.

Chattycat78 · 04/08/2017 19:37

I had one at 36 and one at 37- so no. People have kids older nowadays than in the past. My midwife actually told me that 38 was the average age for having a first child where I am (north yorks). She shouldn't have commented. How rude!

BillBrysonsBeard · 04/08/2017 19:40

Everyone feels differently about it.. My brother thinks I'm an older mum at 32 (he had his at 18) whereas I'm the first of all the women I've ever been friends with to have kids. About a 1/3 of women I was at school with have kids. Many women I know my age aren't even in relationships/thinking about it yet.

oldlaundbooth · 04/08/2017 19:41

I'm 35 and DD is now 7 months. Last child -I think

I'm not old!

I'm knackered, but not old.

oldlaundbooth · 04/08/2017 19:41

Congratulations minnie Flowers

HickDead · 04/08/2017 19:44

I had my last at 35 and most people in the antenatal clinic were my age and just expecting their first. She should have kept her opinion to herself though.

YouRat · 04/08/2017 19:46

Had my last at 37.

WindyScales · 04/08/2017 19:50

Honestly, just ignore her. Do what's right for you in your situation. It's all very well to say 'I'd never do xyz...' but until you are actually in the situation you don't really know what you can or would do.
A lady at my work (who has 3 children) said she'd never of had 3 if she'd been over 30. She was lucky enough to meet her husband in her early 20's. I didn't meet my husband until I was 29! It's all very well for her to have said that, but she doesn't actually know if that is true. As she was never in that situation.

TestTubeTeen · 04/08/2017 19:59

Tell her you are planning 7 more,

TestTubeTeen · 04/08/2017 20:08

ABigCupOfFuckYou (ha, such a well mannered user name), maybe, but I am picking up on the OP's description of 'THAT' age. Which sounds a lot like 'so OLD'. Which is the message that the OP picked up.

Do I think it is narrow minded etc etc to imply people are THAT old? Yes I do.

And I would not be so intrusive to speak to someone I met in the park like that.

Beebee7 · 04/08/2017 20:27

35 is not old! Especially for your last one.

45 may have been. 35, not so much!

waitingforlifetostart · 04/08/2017 20:33

Thanks for this post. Great to be reminded I still don't have a FIRST child at 35.

BattleaxeGalactica · 04/08/2017 20:41

Unless she's planning on doing the baby care for you it has fuck all to do with her.

I (among several other contemporaries)was pushing 35 when I had DC3 twenty odd years ago. It's nothing new.

agentdaisy · 04/08/2017 20:49

I don't see how she was rude. She said 35 was too old for her to have a baby not that it was too old for you.

For me personally 35 would be too old to have another baby, my youngest will be 11 when I'm 35 and I'm looking forward to them being more independent. I'd probably feel diffently if I hadn't had children when I did.

Just because it would be too old for me doesn't mean I think it's too old for others. If women want to have children when they're 35/40/45+ then good for them.

FiftyShadesOfDuckEggBlue · 04/08/2017 21:04

I had our first one at 35 and we are considering a second one. Grin

I think I'm of average age amongst my NCT group mums or mums I met at various antenatal groups. We live in London, not sure if this makes a difference.

WaaWaaWaaa · 04/08/2017 21:22

Lol I had my dts (first) at 41! Not sure I'm finished (I sooooooo am!)

Original poster
Twistedpantsagain · 04/08/2017 22:06

It was just general chit chat as our kids were playing together.
She was heavily pregnant and asked if I would be having anymore, I replied no and she said " I guess you've reached your cut off age now " and I replied " I was 35 when I had the last one " and she said " wow I could never have a baby THAT old "
It did come across pretty rude to be honest but she probably just said it as she saw it.
I am pretty over weight and frumpy and probably look 60!

OP posts:
MissAlabamaWhitman · 04/08/2017 22:18

No.
How silly, she must have a very insular existence if she thinks thirty five is old to have a final child.

It is on the older side of average to have a first, statistically speaking but even that is relatively unremarkable.

I had my last at thirty three and would have continued until 37/38 if I hadn't felt that my family was complete and felt entirely normal in doing so.

Changeofluckneeded · 04/08/2017 22:42

I posted up thread and said I had my last at 43, probably should've said I had my first at 42! :) Second at 43.

Tell her to take her judgey pants off

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