Please come and tell me I'm being pathetic and unreasonable

[Berrybrambles]

Firstly my parents do a massive amount for us and are hugely helpful. Every year we go away as a family and we only need spending money as they know we wouldn't be able to go away otherwise.

Anyway I suffer from horrendous anxiety and panic attacks. We used to go abroad but I couldn't cope with flying so we went ferry/coach/train reachable places. Even on the train and car I have panic attacks.

The last couple of years I was persuaded to do a short flight. I did and put up with it but it ruined my holiday as I knew I had to fly back and I also get ridiculously stressed and panicky at the whole airport process too.

Last time we flew I had a huge panic attack and was very distressed and said to my parents I couldn't do it again until my anxiety was under control. They agreed we would go by coach. We looked at loads of coach and ferry trips.

Anyway weeks later and my parents mentioned wanting to go to x place while they had the money to do so. (Three hour flight) I was wary and mentioned about them going alone but then they kept repeatedly saying to the children x place or y amazing place in the sun. Initially the children said x place but then realising it might be the last chance my parents get to go to Y place and because my parents kept asking they changed their minds.

As a result we have a holiday booked for y place with a three hour flight.

I feel like I'm losing my mind. I'm utterly terrified, it is ruining the kids summer holidays as I'm aware I'm more snappy,i can't sleep properly.
I absolutely don't want to go but feel utterly forced into it. I know my parents won't take the kids alone.

I just want to run away.

I feel awful. I know they were trying to do a nice thing and it's cost thousands but I'm gutted. I am going to the GP again but feel like I'm going to go on stronger Meds for the sake of a week in the sun.

Please tell me I'm being an ungrateful idiot.

Ask for some beta blockers or Valium for the flight and mentally hunker down until you go. Make a list of what you can do to make it better. •see GP •focus on what it'll be like when you're there •what fun the kids will have •the statistic that flying is the safest form of transport •that you were anxious last time but survived

Each time you feel your mind wandering and focusing on what makes you anxious look at one of the bullet points and focus on that.

Dont go then

Look at what you are frightened of and try to deal with that. Look at statistics. Have some sort of therapy to help overcome your fears.

Flying is one of the safest ways to travel. Millions do it every day.

I spent ten years putting off holidays abroad because of panic attacks about flying. I also braved it with the help of beta blockers but still spent the last half of holidays stressing about the flight home.

I got over it by researching safety facts, and having a few drinks at the airport to calm my nerves.

Don't let an irrational fear spoil an amazing holiday.

Do you have time for a short course of CBT before you go?

inchyrablue - are you suggesting op motorbikes to the destination?

So they keep forcing you to fly to these holiday destinations when they know you have a fear of flying?

They don't sound very nice.

What would be the fallout if you didn't go?

inchyrablue - are you suggesting op motorbikes to the destination?

Very helpful araiwa

Araiwa, if you can't be helpful, just get lost.

Cbt is cognitive behavioural therapy. I'm going to the GP on Tuesday but don't know if we will have time to get a Cbt appointment before we go.

Ariawa I don't want to go. I've suggested not going but if I don't go the kids can't go and my parents then won't go and all hell will break loose.

Im scared of heights- i dont go mountaineering. If op is scared of flying it makes sense not to fly

Contact the airline or the airport (if it's a major one, like Heathrow, say). Some have therapeutic fear-of-flying treatment courses that can be hugely helpful. They use many techniques, including CBT, NLP and simulators. I've known several people who did these courses, and they were all able to travel afterwards.

My Dsis had a pathological fear of flying but this year finally went to the Gp. CBT didn't work for her (I'm told EMDR is much more effective for flying phobias). DSis ended up with Diazepam script from the doc and a huge glass of wine in the departure lounge. She hated it but did it - now looking at going again before the end of the hols.

Diazepam is your friend OP. You don't need to increase your general anxiety meds, just get some diazepam and take it before the flight. It's the only way I'll get on a plane too.

I have sypathy for op but none for ops parents. What kind of horrid people book a holiday that requires flying after being told op doesnt like flying. If they dont go and lose money its their own fault

I recommend diazepam from the GP to cope with the journey. I don't think it's fair for your children and parents to lose out just because you are afraid of flying.

Flying is part of modern life really. I'm very anxious flying but have to do so for work occasionally, so I take meds and practice CBT and biofeedback techniques. I also don't want my family to miss out on holidays abroad or to develop a fear of flying like me. My dad was too anxious to fly so we were restricted to lengthy boat/train/car journeys.

Sorry OP, I have no advice.

But everything I see CBT, I read Cock and Balls Torture, and I imagine you all nodding sagely along the advice that stepping on a dick will do wonder for your anxiety. And then I giggle stupidly 😀

I don't think it's pathetic and unreasonable.
It's an irrational fear (just like spiders and snakes scare the shit out of some people), but not pathetic.
You do however owe it to yourself and your family to get help.
This is your problem - don't make it theirs.

fearlessflyer.easyjet.com/promo/need-help-now/

Copy this out and refer to it. Concentrate on 'change focus' what can you do to take your mind of the anxiety?
•tap into the children's excitement
•mentally picture you all the first day back at school, sorting out packed lunches, thinking about new classes, the holiday behind you.
•google what you can buy duty free! Have you run out of your favourite mascara or want to try some new perfume. Do you love Toblerone

Grrr didn't attach first time.

Diazepam is your best bet. I use it for flying. I can rationalise the risk and I know it's vanishingly unlikely anything will happen but it makes no difference.

oh ffs

You cannot let your anxiety control your life and you definitely cannot let it control others'.
Throw everything at this. Here is the scale I'd go down:
Nervous flyers course
Breathing techniques
Distraction techniques
CBT or EMDR
Beta blockers
Valium

At no point, at no point cancel the holiday or try and get the others to cancel. The more you avoid the situations that provoke anxiety, the more powerful the phobia becomes. You need to beat this

There are quite a few threads running about diazepam, fear of flying etc. I suffer too, I take a hefty dose of temazepam and it's fine. I'll never enjoy flying but I can cope, as long as I have my trusty tablets.

My top tip is to speak to the oldest doctor in your practice. The young ones might suggest yoga and horlicks.