telling parents about kid's rudeness

[deliverdaniel]

Wondering as a general thing. Do you 'report back' on the bad behavior of your kids friends on playdates etc? Would you want to know if your own DC was badly behaved?

For eg yesterday, my husband took DS1 age 6 nearly 7, DS2 age 3 and a same age friend of DS1's out to the park to ride bikes. the friend was taunting DS2, telling him he smelled of poo/ that he was a baby who wore nappies etc. When DH told the boy to stop, the boy mimicked my husband and went "BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH" at him in a mocking voice.

I would want to know if DS behaved like that so I could address it with him, but don't want to tell tales or to fall out with the mum who I genearlly like and who I would consider a friend. FWIW the mum tends to believe that her son can do no wrong, so I'm not sure if it's just annoyance at this character trait that is giving me an unreasonable and childish urge to tell on him.

WWYD?

You tell them exactly what happened with examples. Don't offer an opinion, just facts.

I d

movingon thanks for the reply- not sure how to start the conversation though? "just to let you know this is what happened at the park....?"

Not sure what happened there, I was reading and wasn't going to post. Anyway I don't say anything to the parents. They know what their child is like already and also because I'm a big old chicken with stuff like that.

I wouldn't bother tbh just ghost them from your life , the kid is being spiteful to your DS2 and disrespectful to your DH and I think it is his mums fault . She has not allowed him to be chastised for his bad behaviour and she isn't going to change if you say anything to her . Also he isn't a very good peer example for your DS1 you really do not want him rubbing off on yours

thanks- DH thinks I shouldn't mention it to the mum- he thinks it will provoke bad feeling for no reason and won't do any good. I also see his POV as she does have a hard time with a husband who works incredibly long hours and full time childcare of 2 quite demanding DCs

"Er, this is a little awkward... I'm not trying to drop x in it (he's a great kid), I'm just telling you because I know I'd want to know if it was my DS that did it, but in the park today....."

That's how I'd do it, it's a bit wimpy perhaps but I'm rubbish at anything that can be deemed confrontation

What did your DH do?

I'd want to know but yeah it's a tricky one to bring up unless they ask how things went

Maybe just a breezy - oh Edmund (insert real name here) got a little upset earlier. He said Ds smelt of poo and aped DH when he told him to stop

Pp is right. Keep it factual.

Good luck!

I wouldn't bother, you say she thinks her pwecious angel can do no wrong so I doubt she will have an epiphany about the little shit just because you tell her. She will just become defensive. He acts like that for a reason, because she won't do anything about it.
I'd just stop hanging out with them

I'm lucky enough never to have came across such rudeness. However if I did. I'd have no qualms whatsoever in informing the parents
Back chat is one thing I don't like. Not even my own dd is cheeky to me.

shit sandwich is the way forward I think

I would say " Just thought I'd mention that I had to have a word with your DS as he was being a bit cheeky and unkind to my DS, hope you don't mind " it might be awkward but hey ho. At least she'll know why her DS doesn't get another invite round to play!

God I hate backchat. Always makes me want to give the kid a slap (in my head only obviously). Zero tolerance from my own kids on this so others doing it really riles me. I suspect I am too strict but still.

What corn said. If I have had to tell a child off I want the parent to know why and exactly what I said. I don't make meal if it though.

That should say Clem not Corn!

If I'd taken a kid for a bike ride and he or she backchatted me like that I would've done a dramatic shocked face and then have taken them straight home and told the mum why.

I'm generally easy-going to a fault but when it's a situation where it's imperative a kid listens to an adult (like a bike ride or on the road) there'd be no second chances.

I must be a right cow.

Oh. He's three, I thought he was 7! I'd probably just do a stern 'that's enough' then. Sorry about that!!

I wouldn't say anything unless it was repeated. I'd deal with it myself at the time as I think passing back means a time lapse with sanctions, a disgruntled mother and your son not seeing it was dealt with.
I suspect he was just showing off but he would have had a very stern verbal reprimand from me and if it continued I would do time out or loss of play for 6-7 minutes.

If I'd say anything, I'd say that he was rude and persistently rude when asked to stop (which is bullying)

I'd also say he seemed jealous of boys who have hands on dads.

Poor lad with an absent father, but that's no excuse for the rudeness and bullying.

I'd cool it with this lad for a while and see other friends for play dates, ones who aren't caught up in their own dramas and acting out.

I think I'd be saying "sorry but I won't be taking X out with us again". I wouldn't tolerate that behaviour from any child. I don't understand why your DH did either? No wonder kids behave badly if they aren't challenged or their parents told.