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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Why did he lie?

61 replies

KinkyAfro · 02/08/2017 15:15

I had to ring my not so DP earlier, asked what he was up to and could he talk. He told me he was on a site about 60 miles from where we live but I knew he was at home as a friend of mine asked how come he was at home as she saw him getting out of his van outside the house - this is unusual as he works away a lot. So I asked him again where he was and he said on the site so I said if I were to pull into the avenue now his van wouldn't be there and he said no! I then said that *** had seen him outside the house a few minutes ago and he then said that he's home now but had been on that site earlier today.

I was off work on Monday, was just enjoying some time to myself before he came home and he turned up at 14.30, said he'd finished for the day. It's left me wondering what time he actually finishes work each day, especially when I hear him moaning and groaning about his long days. Don't get me wrong, I don't actually give a shit what time he finishes but why would he lie to me today, I feel really uneasy about it.

OP posts:

PoppyJ1 · 02/08/2017 15:23

A number of possible reasons.

Your neighbour got the time wrong

He's planning a surprise for you

He's lost his job or has had his hours cut and can't bring himself to tell you

He's up to something else that he doesn't want you to know about

You're right to be worried but there could well be a perfectly acceptable explanation.

Original poster

KinkyAfro · 02/08/2017 15:27

Friend of mine text me just after she'd gone past - she lives round the corner so her timing can't have been that off.

He doesn't do surprises

He's not lost his job, he's driving their van and he's just had a promotion.

He's up to something else that he doesn't want you to know about is what's bothering me, what the bloody hell is he up to?!

OP posts:

OstentatiousWanking · 02/08/2017 15:30

Could it just be he is a bit of a lazy sod and uses how hard he works to swerve doing household stuff?

Original poster

KinkyAfro · 02/08/2017 15:32

You could have a point there ostentatious, he is a lazy bugger but that's whole other thread. It's just pointless lying really though, mum lives round the corner too, she could just have easily go past and most of our friends/relations live nearby too so someone would probably have seen him.

For all I know he could be finishing at 14.00 ish every day yet I'm the one going home after being out from 6.30 and doing tea.

OP posts:

SD60659 · 02/08/2017 15:49

Ask him! How else do you expect to find out?
See how he responds. Could be any number of reasons for this.

gabsdot · 02/08/2017 15:53

My BIL spent several weeks going to work but actually letting himself into our house while we were at work and watching porn on our computer. This was in the days of dial up, so he got found out when the bill came. He had lost his job by then.

There was also a guy who used to park in our school car park and catch the bus in to town. He had lost his job but didn't want to tell his wife.

WineAndTiramisu · 02/08/2017 15:53

If you have an alarm, you can look what time it's been set and unset, will tell you what time he's been getting home

MissionItsPossible · 02/08/2017 15:54

I've lied to my boyfriend before if he rings me and I pretend I'm at work when really I've had half a day and come home early. Only because I booked that time off so I could chill out and relax and I didn't want him coming home and bothering me.

KatharinaRosalie · 02/08/2017 15:56

He's lazy and does half days only while moaning how hard he works, so you wouldn't ask him to do more at home with such relaxing work days. Is probably sleeping on the sofa at the moment.

zeeboo · 02/08/2017 16:01

Are you going to ask him straight when you get in?

Original poster

KinkyAfro · 02/08/2017 16:04

I'm definitely going to ask him, I had to get off the phone as I had another call but I've since text him and asked why he felt the need to lie to me and he's not responded.

OP posts:

happypoobum · 02/08/2017 16:05

Text him and ask him to sort out dinner or do some other jobs.

It does sound like he is a lazy fucker, but is his job part time? Or does he start really early?

He lied and there is no way around this - he isn't trustworthy.

SleightOfHand · 02/08/2017 16:07

I agree about asking him, face to face, you'll be able to tell better then. If it's a bare faced lie, I don't think I could put up with it, trust is so important imho.

missiondecision · 02/08/2017 16:12

He wants the house to him self. To please himself.

BewareOfDragons · 02/08/2017 16:12

Sounds like he's skiving at home...

Fairenuff · 02/08/2017 16:14

None of us can answer your question OP. You're going to have to wait until you have a chance to speak to him.

QuiteLikely5 · 02/08/2017 16:14

He wants some me time

thekillers · 02/08/2017 16:20

More interestingly- why did your friend text you with this information. That is not usual. Do you ask to be kept updated about his whereabouts- do you ask your friends to spy on him?

lalalalyra · 02/08/2017 16:20

It's a bit random that your friend messaged you. Is that the first time she's seen him home at that time?

Only wondering because if I saw someone's husband home early once it would barely register. If it was a very frequent thing then combined with his wife mentioning his long hours that's the only reason I can think to pass mention of it.

Lovemusic33 · 02/08/2017 16:22

My ex told me that he had a week off work once but didn't tell his ( then) wife, he got in his van each morning and drove off, he spent time visiting friends and going place, or so he told me. I suspect he was actually cheating on her as he ended up doing the same to me.

SpartacusSaiman · 02/08/2017 16:34

Why would your friend text you that your bf was at home? Even if it was unusual.

Tbh, i have often booked a half day off work and not wanted people to know. Because i want time in my own.

If i was being spied on by my Dps mate because i was home at an unusual time, i would be pissed off.

Pannnn · 02/08/2017 16:36

Why ask a bunch of strangers who do not know you and your dp at all?

Ask him in the first instance instead of bunging up the superhighway.

caffeinestream · 02/08/2017 16:54

Are you sure he's going to work?

There's been threads on here before where husbands/partners have been sacked or quit and not told their partners for weeks.

MyheartbelongstoG · 02/08/2017 17:00

Sometimes I do this because I want to enjoy a bit of peace instead of being given a list of stuff to do or having to start the dinner just because I'm home.

Original poster

KinkyAfro · 02/08/2017 17:01

You didn't need to answer Pannn and lots of people post random shite on here. I know no-one can answer but that's true of a lot of threads. I'm going to talk to him when I get home but that won't be until 7 so I'm just pondering.

No-one was spying, he works long hours normally, is away a lot and it's been a while since she's seen him. On the odd times he's home at a decent hour of an evening, if at all, we all usually walk our dogs together of an evening so she asked if he would be joining us as she'd seen him at home. So no, I don't ask anyone to spy on him as before today I wouldn't have known he'd be at home; I presume he's at work.

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